


Giving All You've Got- Part Three Issey's Road

by Burntsugrr



Series: Issey's Road [3]
Category: Glee
Genre: F/M, Glee - Freeform, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-20
Updated: 2015-04-20
Packaged: 2018-03-24 21:58:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 31
Words: 78,858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3785743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Burntsugrr/pseuds/Burntsugrr
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Parenthood, Cancer, and building a life together Darren and Issey give it all they've got</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

"Jim are you insane?" Issey was on the couch in her apartment, an ice pack over her chest to ease the pain from her exercises. She rolled her eyes at the speakerphone and wished they were on facetime so he could see the shape she was in.

"Is, I know it's not the best time for you, but this guy is calling a in favor on me, he's done tons of last minute string pulling for me in the past, I can't let him down. Besides, we're not asking you to train the kid, just sit down and listen to him."

"They can send me a DVD or something. I'm in no mood to go smile through some executive's kids delusional American Idol type audition."

"It has to be in person, it has to be Vegas and it has to be in two days. Issey, I'm asking you, do this. For me?"

She sighed. "Jim you know I love you but I don't think you understand, I just had a drain taken out of my body. I'm icing myself down after holding a ruler in the air for 5 seconds at a time. My heartburn is so bad I feel like a dragon that could roast marshmallows with its breath and sleep, my dear old friend, has abandoned me almost entirely. Also I appear to have sprouted a belly almost overnight."

Her manager's frustration was palpable through the phone. He was anxious and desperate and didn't know what to do. He HAD to get her to take this assignment.

"Look its one night, in and out. I'll get your suite at the Red Rock, have the kid come up there, do his two songs and then get the hell out of your life. Spend the night in the suite, I'll even splurge for whatever spa pampering you want, then you can hop a flight the next day to see your new house. You haven't even seen it. Go check on it."

"You aren't going to let me rest until I do this are you?"

"Not really, no. I'm sorry Issey, you know I wouldn't ask you to work right now if it wasn't crucial."

"Fine, but I really do want the 180 suite and a pedicure."

"Done. I'll email you your plane ticket. Thank you Is, you'll never know how happy I am you're going to go."

He disconnected and her mother came into the room with a fresh ice pack. "You're going to work?"

"Just for one night. It's not even really work, it's just listening."

"Might be good for you, change of scenery, I'm sick of seeing you mope over missing that boyfriend of yours."

"mmm."

In bed that night she talked to Darren. They tried to connect every night before she slept, or attempted to sleep. She told him about working in Vegas.

"I wish I could be there. I love doing these solo shows because the fans are incredible but I miss you like crazy and I'm dog tired."

"It's not too much longer. Day after tomorrow I go to Vegas, after that I'll go to LA and see our place, you can fly home to LA instead of Boston if you want and I'll meet you there."

"Where will you stay in LA?"

"Chris said I can stay with him. He's never there now anyway; he's working on his movie around the clock."

"How're you feeling?"

"Gross. Completely disgusting. When they took the bandages off I thought I'd throw up. Its bad Babe, really, really horrible looking. I know it's necessary and life-saving and all of that but there are things you just don't want to know."

"There's not. If you have to go through it I want to know."

"I don't want to talk about it. Let's just say I'm getting through it. To be honest I'm kind of glad Jim pressured me into taking this job, it's a chance to get out of my own way and get back to what I do."

"Well don't overdo it. I'm jealous that you're going to be in the place we met without me. What did Jim tell you about this kid? Do I have to be worried?"

"What that he's some crazed killer or something?"

"That he's some handsome prince that's going to use the magic of that balcony to steal you away from me."

"The only magic thing about that balcony was you, and besides, no one would want to steal me now. Hang on; I'm going to send you a picture of my tummy."

"Whoa! That popped up quick! I mean, it's not like its really big, not like you look super pregnant but still it's noticeable."

"I swear I went to sleep looking fairly flat, everywhere, and woke up with this belly. It's like my belly is pushing out to make up for my boobs being gone."

Darren got a little quiet, "Babe, you sound sad. Are you sure you're okay?"

"Oh, I just have my moments, I'm really fine. Did you look at the flagstone I want for the upstairs fireplace?"

"You're deflecting but yes, I saw it, I really love it but are you sure it won't make the room too dark?"

"It's under a skylight and next to a floor to ceiling window, I don't think dark will be a problem."

"During the day, what about at night?"

"There are good light fixtures hanging down the entire room. I'm not worried about light. Do you want me to wait to have it put in until you get to LA and see for yourself?"

"No, you've got the whole room built around it, I'm sure you're right."

They went on like this until her head was bobbing with sleep and they said their I love you's and hung up.

The ticket Jim sent her got her into Vegas around 9:30pm. She was less than pleased about this, her plan had been to see this guy in the afternoon and spend the rest of the day on the balcony relaxing and thinking about those first nights with Darren. He'd be home in two more days and she felt like she hadn't been in his arms for months instead of weeks.

She arrived at the hotel and was met by the night manager, a tall, slim red headed woman who looked like a former model. "Ms. Mooney, right on time. Your room is ready; your young man is waiting on the balcony. I'll have Albert take you up."

He was here already. She had hoped at this point that she'd see him tomorrow. She was looking forward to taking a shower and calling Darren from the balcony and reminiscing. It wasn't long ago that they met here, but it felt like a lifetime.

Albert was uncharacteristically quiet on the ride to the suite. He'd always been the chattiest porter they had and Issey normally found him charming. She thought perhaps the word of her surgery had reached the staff and he didn't know what to say, or maybe she just looked like shit. She figured it was probably the latter.

When they reached the suite Albert asked her to wait while he brought in her bag and made certain everything was in order. He'd never done that before but Issey didn't really question it. If this kid she was here to see was anything like she imagined he probably wanted to make certain he hadn't trashed the room or gotten drunk from the balcony bar.

When he came out of the room he held the door for her and smiled fondly. "Have a wonderful stay Ms. Mooney."

She reached out to shake his hand and pass him his tip, as she always did for him. Albert was old school and did not just accept tips; they had to be snuck to him. Money was too crass a thing to flaunt in the open. He shook his head, took her shoulders and kissed her cheek. "Not this time, Ms. Mooney. This time it is my pleasure."

He definitely knows about the surgery and probably the pregnancy as well, she thought. The lights were low on the balcony, and the slider was closed. She ducked into the bathroom and called Darren, getting his voice mail.

"I wish I hadn't done this. I don't want to be here with anyone but you. My heart's going to break when I go out on that balcony and it isn't you waiting for me." She felt silly but left the message as it was and disconnected to get to work already.

It was darker than she expected out there but since the last time she'd been there small twinkling fairy lights had been strung along the top of the plexiglass wall and over the entire balcony like a sky full of stars. As her eyes adjusted to the dark she saw a figure at the piano, back to her. She had to blink a few times because from behind he looked like Darren.

When she'd stepped out he hadn't turned around, just continued playing a tune she didn't recognize.

The music stopped and he turned to face her.

She had been exhausted and sore but those things melted away in an instant.

"Darren!" she screamed it, unable to stop herself and ran the few feet to him.

He nearly knocked over the bench jumping up to catch her and wrap around her, trying to be careful of anywhere she might still be in pain. "Surprised?" he asked between kisses.

"Completely. Oh my god I can't believe it. What are you doing home now?"

"Couldn't wait…see you…hold you…" syntax was lost, not important now that he could touch her. He moved them to the day bed.

"I can't believe you're here. I thought the kid I'm supposed to listen to was up here now, I'm so glad I don't have to see him tonight."

"You're looking at him."

"Wait, it was you? But Jim..."

"Helped me get you here, for awhile he didn't think he'd get you to say yes."

"Sneaky."

"You'll get used to it." He put his hand on the little bump his kids were making under her skin. "It's hard. That's so strange, I'm used to you being all soft everywhere."

They kissed some and cuddled under the makeshift stars. She felt as if the fear and apprehension she'd held since before the surgery were drifting away from them, leaving them alone at last to just get to be in love, no other's between them, no terrifying surgery ahead of them, just their little family, together. When Issey looked up she saw the lights directly above them made a heart constellation. She laughed a little to herself thinking the hotel was missing the mark with trying to sell the suite as a place for two when it was clearly meant for a large group. The longer she looked though the more she realized, this was not a new addition to the balcony by the hotel, this was specifically for them.

Darren had hidden messages all through their personal sky, things only meaningful to them.

"How did you do this? I've never seen anything like it!"

"I wanted to give you the stars" he nuzzled into her neck sending a tingle down her spine, "this is the closest I could get tonight."

"It's perfect. We have to take pictures of it."

"Later, right now I have a song I want you to hear." He got up and got his guitar, perching on a deck chair by the pool.

He began to play but not sing, a few seconds in he broke a string and swore, his pick flying out of his fingers and into the pool.

"Shit! That was my signed pick, do you see it?" He busied himself with the broken string while she walked to the edge of the pool to look.

"I don't think...I…I…, Darren!"

He was on a knee beside her, and at the bottom of the pool flickering candles (apparently battery operated) spelled out the words 'MARRY ME?'.

He took her trembling hand and looked up at her with wide eyes, "I had a whole speech worked out but I can't remember a word of it right now. You take my breath away. I had a song to sing to you but I don't think I could get it out around the lump in my throat." Tears filled his eyes as he held out a tiny box, "All I can do is tell you that I will love you for eternity, and ask you to agree to marry me and let me spend the rest if our lives trying to make you as happy as you make me."


	2. Chapter 2

Darren held the dark blue velvet box in his open palm but Issey couldn't look away from his eyes. "Stand up." She half whispered half choked, "Please, stand up."

He did, his face falling, this wasn't how it was supposed to go.

She took a breath and then wrapped her hands around his, avoiding contact with the box. "I can't start our lives together with you on your knees. We're equals, partners, in this together. You don't have to try; you already make me happier than I ever knew I could be. I don't need a speech, I don't need a song, I only need you."

They were both in tears as they fell into each others arms, holding on tight. "You scared me there for a minute, I thought you were going to turn me down."

"And throw away the best thing that's ever happened to me for a second time? Even I'm not that stupid."

"Did I mention I love you?" He backed up, smiling at her, thumbing her tears from her cheeks.

"You did, but I didn't. I love you, with everything I am. There isn't a single thing I wouldn't do for you, or our family."

"Well in that case I think I'd better put a ring on it." He opened the box; it opened at the center, pulling out to either side where "Harry Winston" was stamped in Gold on white satin. In the center was a solitaire, emerald cut diamond set in platinum. It was simple and stunning.

"I talked to your sister about the cut, she was sure you'd want emerald. I told her you hate emeralds but she insisted you loved the cut, just hated the color. I wanted to get it with diamonds around the band and a bigger stone but she said no, she said you'd hate that. I guess I kind of knew you would but I wanted it to be spectacular, you deserve something really special." Words were rushing out faster than he could control them.

She let him put it on her finger as he babbled then placed a hand on either side of his face. "I already have something more special than any diamond." She kissed him, he kissed back. Soft, delicate, the sort of kiss that has no real need behind it because you already have all you could dream of.

"Be honest, do you like it? If you don't we can get another one. I know you're about to tell me it doesn't matter, you love it because I picked it and all that romantic shit, but I really want you to love it."

She laughed and looked down at her hand with fondness. "Do you know how Sophia knew what cut I wanted?"

He shrugged, "She knows your style?"

"Growing up I wasn't one of those girls that planned her wedding. When Sophie was walking around with towels on her head and Gran's plastic flowers clutched in her hand pretending to walk down the aisle I was listening to music and rolling my eyes at her. I had no romantic notions of a white gown or a huge cake with all my friends in ugly pink dresses oohing and ahhhing. The one thing I did have was a picture, ripped from a magazine hanging on my wall, a picture of this exact ring. I didn't think about the man that would give it to me, I'd just buy it myself if I had the money, but I wanted this ring. I never had any idea that as beautiful and perfect as it is it would be the least amazing thing I'd get the day it showed up on my finger."

The rest of the night, and into the morning they talked about his time in London, how the fans had given him the energy he needed to perform every night, even when he thought he had nothing more to give. They talked about what they wanted their home to be, how they wanted their children to grow up, and how much their families, both related and not, meant to them.

"Chris has been distant, toward the end of the tour, not just with me, with everyone. Have you talked to him much?" Darren asked.

"He texts me, mostly in the middle of the night, to see how I'm feeling, if I need anything, but otherwise I haven't talked to him. He's just so busy with the book and the movie I didn't think anything of it. You think he's okay?"

"I don't know, but if you still want to stay with him while we're in LA I don't have a problem with it. It might give you a good excuse to check up on him."

"You're a good man, Charlie Brown."

"No falling in love this time though, okay?"

"Deal."

This time Darren's kisses had some heat behind them, there was something he wanted that he'd been deprived of for too long and the time had come. His body covered hers, conveying the urgency of his intent, his fingers gliding her skirt up her thighs. They moved together, bodies responding to each other in a natural flow until he touched a button on her blouse.

"Wait." She caught his hand, "Please just leave it." It came out desperate, dripping with fear.

He shook his head slowly, the moonlight and makeshift stars shining in his eyes, "Baby, it doesn't matter, I love all of you, please don't hide from me."

"I'm not, I won't, tomorrow, I promise. I don't want to remember the night we got engaged as the night you saw the scars."

"I won't push you, but what better night? I'm marrying all of you, scars, dark secrets, and beautiful laugh, all of it. You're getting all of me, the guy who loves you and the guy who lied to you, the man who'd die for you and the man whose jealousy nearly consumed him. The good, the bad, the ugly, the beautiful, all of it is for each other now, but if you really want to wait for me to see, we'll wait."

Her lower lip quivered and he worried she might cry but she unbuttoned her blouse and started to unwrap the bandages across her chest. Her hands were shaking when he moved them away and gently peeled the layers of gauze from her skin.

He kept his eyes locked to hers as he got down to the final layer, "Does it hurt when you take it off all the way?"

She shook her head, it didn't, not anymore. Issey looked away, her gaze falling over the Las Vegas strip in the distance.

"Don't look away. There's nothing to be ashamed of. These are battle scars and you came out the winner." He set the gauze aside; it came up clean, not sticking to her skin with blood or pus like it had the week before. She was grateful for that at least.

He took a deep breath before speaking. He wanted to tell her it wasn't that bad, but it was, she knew it was and to minimize it would trivialize what she'd been through, what she'd lost. Instead he dropped his head and kissed the clean space of skin between where her breasts had been, the one spot that didn't look sore and angry. He whispered apologies against her flesh, begging forgiveness for not having been there through her recovery. She felt the brush of his eyelashes and his tears drop against her and hushed him, her fingers carding through his soft curls. Issey said nothing. He didn't need to apologize, but he'd never believe her. She let him grieve what she already had.

In the morning they called their closest friends and family to share the news of the engagement. They left Mia and Chris for their final calls and went to separate rooms to make them.

Issey texted Chris before calling, knowing he would most likely already be on set.

To Chris: Got a second to talk?

To Issey: For you always, urgent or can you give me 5?

To Chris: It can wait. Nothing to worry about.

To Issey: I'll call you in a few.

When he called she picked up first ring. "I'm sorry, were you working?"

"I'm making props; I was covered in spray glue."

She laughed, "Only you. I just wanted to let you know before it's out everywhere, Darren and I got engaged last night."

It took him a minute to respond but she could hear talking in the background. It could have been that he needed to let the information sink in, or it could have been someone else diverting his attention. "Congratulations!" he said finally, sounding like he meant it.

"Thank you. He surprised me last night, came home early. I just wanted you to know, I mean, I know you're over it and whatever but, I don't know, it wasn't long ago we were…"

She heard him give a little exhale that sounded like a laugh of derision. "Over it. Not the word choice I would use but okay. I'm happy for you, it makes perfect sense."

"What does that mean?" there was an edge to her voice, she wished there wasn't.

"If the baby was mine I would have proposed, I mean, you'd have said no, but I'd have done it. It makes sense that he proposed now. You're getting a house together, you're having a baby together, he makes you happy, when he isn't lying to you…sorry, I've got to get back to work. I'm happy for you, I am. We'll talk soon."

"Chris? Wait. I…I don't know what to say here, but I feel like you're angry. Can I still stay with you this week?"

"Of course you can. Isn't he coming back to LA?" he sounded tired.

"He is, I just don't feel well enough to stay with him and his friends. Plus I wanted to spend a little time with you, we haven't had much time to talk lately. I miss you."

"Do you? You don't have to. I mean, you don't have to say you do if you don't."

"Of COURSE I do. I love you, you know. Truly. Always. I'm sorry if I haven't been the best friend lately but I've kind of had a lot going on." She regretted saying it as soon as she did. He knew what she had going on and saying what she had was like an accusation that he wasn't acknowledging it.

"I'm aware. So have I. I know you're stuff is way more important than mine but I don't know where I fit with you now, how much am I allowed to worry, or care?"

"My stuff isn't more important."

"Of course it is, you're fighting for your life, for the baby, it's more important that any movie, I didn't mean that to sound snide."

"It didn't. This movie is a huge deal; it could be life changing for you, that's important. As far as where you fit with me, Chris, I don't know how to make you understand that your friendship is every bit as important to me as our romantic relationship was, more even. I want to stay close to you, please don't let's lose that just because I'm marrying someone else."

"You trust him this time?" his voice was quiet.

"Completely. You aren't hurt are you?"

"No. We're over, I'm just still, sorting, what we meant I guess."

"And a little pissed that I've been able to move on as quick as I have?"

"Not pissed."

"What then?"

"I guess I am hurt. I have no right to be, you were always going to be his, and we both knew that even when we pretended we didn't. I guess that's why you didn't need any time before going back to him."

"I took time, just not a lot. If you were straight, I don't know Chris, I really don't, but you aren't, and I love him completely. It wasn't just me who wasn't in our relationship for the long haul if we're honest."

"You're right, I'm not saying otherwise, I'm just saying it changed me, how I feel about myself, about relationships, about sex, all of it. It wasn't just a diversion on my way to something else."

"I don't know if this is just going to make things worse but I'm going to tell you anyway. I couldn't be with Darren now if I hadn't been with you. It's that simple. You weren't a diversion, you were a necessary experience, and you were a revelation as to what could happen if I trusted. I will never regret what we did; I'll never be able to thank you for what you gave me. I needed you more than you will ever know and I'm sorry if I haven't made that clear to you."

"Issey I'm just overtired and feeling out of sorts. I know, I know all of this, and I love you and I know he loves you and as much as I hate to admit it I trust him too. When will you be in LA?"

"Tomorrow Darren and I are spending another night in Vegas and we'll be there tomorrow to see the house."

"Call me when you're here, I'll give you directions to the set so I can give you a house key. I have a night shoot but the next night I'm clearing for dinner with you if that's ok?"

"Perfect. Love you."

"You too."

In the other room Darren had called Mia, forgetting the time difference.

"Hell, fuck, hello?" He voice was whiskey and smoke and if he was honest with himself, pure sex.

"Shit, Mia, I woke you up, go back to sleep, I'll call you later."

"Dare? Are you in London?"

"Vegas"

"Jesus you get around, what's wrong?"

"Nothing, honestly I forgot the time difference, mostly I forgot the time you get up, seriously go back to sleep, we'll talk later."

He could hear her tell someone to go back to sleep and pictured her padding barefoot and nearly naked, hair wild and mascara smudged to the bright kitchen of her apartment.

"No, it's fine it's time I dragged my ass out of bed, what's up?"

"Not sure how to say this."

"You're marrying her." There was nothing accusatory in her voice.

"I am, yeah. I felt like I needed to tell you, ah, before you heard it elsewhere."

"Quit making this awkward Dude, we're friends now right? You've got your girl, you're starting a family, right on, am I invited?"

"Of course. I mean we just got engaged last night so we have no plans but of course we want you there."

"If I hated her I'd be pissed right now, y'know? Like, why are you telling me, go live your life man, but she's cool, we're good. Not gonna say I won't shed a tear over what could have been, we were good together weren't we?"

"We were great together Mia, you know I'll always love you. I came to you a boy and you helped make me the man I am."

"Tell her she owes me a thank you for that."

"I think she knows. She adores you."

He could hear the sunshine smile in her voice, "everyone does."

"Was that a new friend I woke up?"

"Old friend, you remember Petey?"

" Sweet Pete, boy followed you like a hungry puppy."

"He got called up to the majors."

"Hope he earns his spot."

"You know me, nothing's ever easy."

"Loving you is easier than you think."

"Stop being sweet I'm trying not to be in love with you."

"Good luck, I'm irresistible."

"So you always told me. Go tell your girl congrats, I'm gonna wake Petey for his morning kibble."

Neither asked how the others call went, some things weren't for their new lives, they belonged to the old.

Darren poured her orange juice and raised an eyebrow at her. "Wanna see the Internet explode?"

She laughed, "do it, then shut off both our phones and lets get some sleep."

Darren tweeted their engagement with a photo of the ring on her finger then powered down their phones and carried her off to bed.


	3. Chapter 3

Darren held the dark blue vIt was a day of complete bliss, just the two of them, phones off and left behind at the hotel. Staying away from the strip they spent hours playing old school video and vintage pinball machines at the Pin Ball Museum. Darren didn't want to leave until he beat the high score on Captain Fantastic but Issey found the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles game and he abandoned the Captain immediately.

When they'd had their fill of dinging and clanging Darren asked what Is wanted to do next, he was worried about wearing her out but she felt better than she had in forever and had one place she really wanted to visit together.

"Liberace Museum."

"Seriously?"

"Seriously."

"This? Right here? This is why I'm marrying you."

Without their phones they were camera-less so Darren stopped and bought a cheap single use one and they took the usual ridiculous tourist photos with all the rhinestone encrusted memorabilia. Darren drooled over the colorful shoe collection and Issey teased him about the matches he could make with his insane sock collection. The place wasn't too crowded so when a small family made their way in Darren and Issey noticed and giggled a little at how excited the mother was to see all the shiny and how the teen daughter looked like she'd rather be having a root canal. Dad was busy corralling the young boy who looked to be about 4 and desperate to touch anything he could. Issey teased that Darren was exactly like him on the inside and he confessed it was true.

When the family got just a little closer to them the teen girl's eyes widened.

"Don't look now but I think you've got a fan." Issey whispered.

Before he could turn to peek Darren heard his name in a small, nervous voice.

"Darren? Are you Darren Criss?"

"I am! Who are you?" Darren beamed in her direction.

It was a few minutes of completely lost composure as she realized she had about as close to a private audience with him as she'd ever get. Amelia was her name; she was 15 and apparently a huge Glee fan who missed the tour because her "stupid" parents insisted she go to Paris with them instead of stay behind with her Grandparents to see the show. Darren asked her about where she lived, about school, and music and what she liked and hated about Paris and Las Vegas. He introduced her to Issey and she admitted to having seen their engagement photo earlier on Tumblr and Twitter. Her parents came to see who this boy was she was talking to and so introductions were made all around.

Darren asked her if she had her phone and she did so he posed for a few pictures with her, kissing her cheek in one which brought tears to her eyes. They made a little more small talk then her family convinced her to let Darren have his privacy and thanked him for being so kind.

Issey curled an arm around his waist as they left the museum, "You made her day."

"She made mine, well, mine was already made cause I'm spending it with you, but I love meeting people one on one like that."

"You're a very special guy, you know that?"

"I'm a lucky guy. The day I forget that slap the shit outta me."

"Bank on that."

They kissed quickly and he noticed the slight droop to her eyes. "How about we eat back at the hotel?"

"Are you sure? There isn't somewhere you want to go? It's Vegas."

"I've had enough neon for one day, unless there's something you want to do."

'Uh-uh. I'm happy just having you all to myself."

They ate room service on the huge sofa in the living room of their hotel room, the balcony a little cool this particular evening. Snuggled together when they were full they listened to the soft jazz station Darren had found on the radio. "This is better than anything else happening in Las Vegas tonight."

She woke up early needing to pee, something that was becoming a full time occupation. When she returned to the room she caught sight of Darren in the slice of light showing between the drapes. He was on his stomach, arms over his head; one knee was bent out sideways. The sheet was half over his ass but he was otherwise naked. Issey couldn't help herself; she stood next to the bed for a minute and allowed herself to survey his body. She knew his feet so well, he was so frequently barefoot. His calves were strong, but his ankles delicate. Even in sleep the muscles in his thighs were defined, there was something about that she found comforting. It made no sense in the current world but she imagined it was evolutionary, finding a mate who would be a strong runner. His butt was a perfect swell of taunt flesh she loved to run her hands over. The cut of his back was accentuated by his position but she'd long been attracted to the way his broad shoulders cut down to a super trim waist.

The birthmark on his back barely showed in the low light but she could trace it in complete darkness. He'd stopped keeping up with his Blaine haircuts leaving the back of his neck a little scraggly. The facial hair was staging a return which pleased her deeply. His jaw was slightly slack, lacking its usual masculine definition and lending an air of childlike beauty further emphasized by his gently pursed lips. His lashes, lush and dark, casting shadows of their own should have lost their charm sometime in the first million viewings but somehow they did not.

Trying her best to not disturb him she lowered her self gently into bed beside him. She moved slowly, uncurling herself far on her side of the bed releasing her breath when she was settled. Darren made a noise low in his throat and reached blindly until his arm curled around her. When she rolled over and kissed his cheek he mumbled something unintelligible and returned to the even breathing of sleep.

"…and I bet we'll be able to camp out in the back yard so we can fall asleep on the sand, listening to the ocean. Mommy will teach you all of the animals that live in the ocean and I'll teach you all the constellations in the sky." Issey woke to Darren whispering this to her belly. She ruffled his hair and met his smile with one of her own.

"What are you teaching my children?"

"I'm telling MY children about our new home and how we're going to make tents out of blankets and make a path to the ocean by putting their footprints in stepping stones on each birthday and how we'll have adventures sleeping outside and learning all about the nature around us."

"Did Daddy also tell you that he's going to put you to sleep by playing guitar outside on the patio every night when you're in bed so you can hear him and the waves and drift off to sweet dreams?"

"Only if Mommy sings. Your Mommy sings like an angel."

He kissed her and she nearly forgot to check the time. When she did she regretted it. "Darren! Why did you let me sleep so late? We've gotta get up, get in the shower and move."

"I was talking to our kids. You've had a head start."

"Well, the kids and I need to shower so we're getting up."

"There's room for two in that shower."

"Probably, but not for four."

They showered in separate bathrooms and met back in the room to dress. She was wrapped in a towel, he hadn't bothered. Issey stood at the mirror blow drying her hair and Darren came up behind her and began kissing her shoulder, rubbing his stubble across it. She laughed and blew the hot air at him to shoo him away.

"I take it the folks at the hotel worked pretty hard on your whole stars and candles proposal."

"I HELPED." He insisted pulling on his jeans, not bothering with underwear.

"Uh-huh."

"I DID. I did the candles at the bottom of the pool AND strung some of the lights."

"Sure you did."

"I DID!"

"Truly?" She shut off the dryer and looked at him.

"Honestly. I didn't want this to be something someone else did. They helped of course, I couldn't have done that all by myself, but I was up on ladders stringing lights all day. That's why you had to take such a late flight."

She crossed to him and traced her fingers though the hair on his chest. "You're a very sweet boy you know." Kissing happened. Lots of kissing until she realized Darren's jeans were getting closer to off than on and backed away. "Stop distracting me with your lusciousness young man, I have to get dressed."

He tugged at the towel, just to, y'know, help, but she scurried away leaving him with just a handful of terry.

Tugging her dress over her head she refocused him, "My point, before I was deliciously interrupted was that the hotel was helpful with the proposal."

"They were, they're always good to you, they love you, that was clear when I approached them with what I wanted to do." He had given in and tugged on a shirt and was even making a pass at his hair with a brush.

"We should send them something to thank them."

"Oh, good idea, but there are so many people that helped, what should we send?"

"Not fruit or alcohol, those are too overdone. What about chocolates and pastries?"

"They can get that here at the restaurants. Ugh, it has to be special, not flowers, they see those every day."

He zipped her dress while she put on her makeup. "We'll figure it out. I already sent Jim a bottle of Glenfiddich to thank him for getting you here."

"Aw, he'll love that. Maybe we should find out specifically who helped you here so we can send personal thank you's."

"I'll take care of it when we check out. Are you about ready?"

"One last step out to the balcony?"

They stepped out and looked out over what they had begun to think of as their own. The candles had been removed from the pool, Darren had had them boxed and shipped back to their home in L.A. The lights were still up but would be gone before the next person checked in. She ran a finger over the piano keys. "I can still see you, that first night. I was so worried what I thought you would be like and you shattered every expectation in the very first second."

He laughed, "I'd heard you were an uptight slave driver who never let her guard down, four hours later you were asleep on my shoulder."

"I was already in love."

"Me too."

She tugged at a loop on his jeans, "C'mon Papa Bear, it's time to say goodbye Vegas."

He stopped her before she opened the door, his eyes warm honey, "I love this place."

"Good things do seem to happen here." His hands were at her hips and she hummed happily at the heat of his mouth against her throat. "We need to go, we've got a flight."

His fingers dug into her lower back, "Are you suggesting we wait and join the mile high club?"

Stepping into the room she shouldered her carry on, "I'm suggesting we need to check out of here, fly home and go see our new house."

He cocked an eyebrow at her, "And christen it?" He pulled his rolling bag behind him and followed her into the hall.

"We have workmen there." She pushed the button for the elevator

"Only downstairs, not up in the bedrooms, not yet, right?" He tugged their suitcases behind him. "If I have to hand you over to Colfer I'd like a little parting gift."


	4. Chapter 4

Getting through McCarren and LAX took longer than the flight itself. Issey hated flying commercial, realizing how spoiled that made her sound, it was just such a hassle to wade through all the tourists and exhausted families returning to their hum drum lives. She always thought there should be two separate airports, completely separate services in each city, a business airline that had express checking and no nonsense everything for commuters who spent half their lives on a plane and then another airport all together for everyone else. Just let the pros do their thing.

It wasn't that she hated the vacationers but, she thought, wouldn't they be happier on flights with fun themes and airports that were festive and possibly a little remedial to help them navigate? Business folks could do without the party atmosphere and over signage, preferring function instead, sleek open lanes with fast moving pass stations, more ports for laptops, power strips, privacy booths for important phone calls, things that made sense.

She was grateful that the flight was quick, but as usual the paparazzi were swarming in LA, waiting for any sign of even the lowest tier of celebrity. The news of their engagement had blown up twitter and tumblr. Issey avoided looking, not wanting to see the hate thrown her way, but Darren checked and laughed at the ensuing drama. He loved that his fans were so passionate but was a little disappointed at the infighting, not to mention mystified at those that insisted this was a cover up for his fictional steamy relationship with Chris.

The photographers trailed them as they made their way to a waiting town car, asking the kinds of questions your closest friends would be too embarrassed to broach. Darren was charming with them as always, turning questions into opportunities to joke with them about their own wardrobes or lives. It was a gift she knew would serve him well as his star continued to rise. It made her proud to be his, to be by his side as he both cajoled them onto his side and protected her from their cameras and inquiries.

They took the car to his place to grab his car and leave his bags. Walking into the house made her stomach sour, it was behind them now but this would always be the place she lost him, the place her fears about him were realized. This was the true reason she wasn't staying here with him and although they hadn't discussed it she suspected he knew it based on how quickly he dropped his bags and got them out of there.

When they were settled into his car he punched the address of the new house into the GPS and eased onto the road. "I feel like I haven't driven in forever."

"I always feel that way when I get off a long tour. Like I haven't read a book or driven a car or watched a tv show or been a normal person in so long I don't remember how. "She sighed. "I suppose I'm going to have to hire someone to drive my car here from Boston. I'm not up for that road trip right now."

"We can probably get one of my friends to do it. We're going to have to go back before shooting starts anyway to pack up your apartment. Do you have it listed yet?"

"No. I'll do that when we get everything out. I don't want them showing it with my stuff there."

"Good thinking. How long are you planning on staying with Chris?"

"Just a week, then I have to go back to Boston for doctor appointments. I figure I'll pack then and get movers set up, depending on how much of the house is ready I guess. If it takes longer than we think to get into the house I'll either hole up at at a hotel or rent a place until it's ready."

"I've got a show in St. Louis next week but I'm gonna be in and out, I think I have a show before that in San Francisco the day before that, I can go straight from St. Louis to Boston. I want to be at the doc appointments and I'll help you pack."

"That will work. I'm hoping the downstairs is almost done. Upstairs is just repainting so it won't take long at all."

"Have you ordered the cribs we picked yet?"

"No, I wanted to wait until we saw their room. I did order our bed but I want to actually shop for the linens and stuff together, in an actual store. Is that, like, too cliché'?"

He reached out for her hand, "Of course not. I'll have time tomorrow if you want to go shop for house stuff."

"Okay, I have dinner plans with Chris but we can spend the day picking up stuff. OOOH, we can start making lists while we're there today."

"You have a list problem."

"How is it a problem? My lists save time."

"You have lists of your lists."

"It's important to be organized. You'll see."

"I trust you. Just don't expect me to be sticking to the chart, I'm too impulsive."

"I'm fine with adding, I just don't want to forget anything."

As they pulled up to the house she sat forward in her seat as if she'd see it faster by leaning. Not much of the house was visible from the road; it was hidden by trees and brush as were most of the homes in the area.

"I don't know if I like all that greenery in front of the house."

Darren shrugged, "I imagine it slows down the paparazzi."

Issey had to agree, she'd spent her entire career helping her charges dodge the press when they didn't want to be bothered but now it hit home that it wasn't just Darren or herself that she would need to protect. Their children's photos would be sought after for money and the idea made her physically ill. She hadn't thought about security when she'd chosen the house but was now glad it was on a private street, that they had a private stretch of beach where intruders would be easily recognizable. In Boston she was never home enough to know here neighbors but here she would make a point of being at least casually acquainted with the community.

"I don't want our kids being watched like zoo animals." She said as they climbed out of the car.

"There are ways to avoid that, I've been thinking about it too. It seems like the more you try to hide them the harder people work to get to them. It might be best to do the photo shoots, choose the outlet that will handle them with respect and then just live our lives. If we secret them away we make them a holy grail." They walked hand in hand around the perimeter of their home and entered through the downstairs living area.

Workmen in hardhats were everywhere and the noise level was high. The wall was being cut for the aquarium, the flagstones being set into the fireplace where the brick had been stripped away. They got a few curious glances but it wasn't until the foreman caught sight of them that anyone asked them who they were. Darren introduced himself and Issey and they were given a tour of the work done so far.

It wasn't exactly as she'd imagined, but it was beautiful. The work had only been done on the ground floor, upstairs remained untouched so the foreman left them on their own to explore the upper levels. Moving from room to room they discussed colors and uses, they had a few extra rooms that would eventually belong to the children when they separated them but for now they would keep them together in a long room perfect for twins.

The Master Bedroom was on the smaller side compared to the gigantic, spacious living areas but still perfect for a cozy hideaway. They had their own balcony, complete with a fireplace and stunning ocean view. Issey inspected the master bath and found Darren on the deck, a soft breeze moving through the waves of his hair. For the millionth time in the past few days she thought about how lucky she was, everything she never even realized she wanted was right here with her, wanting her back.

Moving behind him she wrapped herself around him prompting him to turn and pull her to his side. "You're pretty good at this house buying stuff."

"Do you really love it? Be honest."

"I really do. It's like being on vacation every day in here."

"Is there anything you wish we're different? We can tell the contractor now if you want to change something."

"The only thing I don't love," he faced her and pulled her closer,"is having to wait to move in here with you."

"Hmm, not a fan if that myself. You know our water is on, our electric is on, it is OUR house, we could camp out here tonight."

"If you're serious I have a blow up mattress at home but it isn't the most comfortable thing, I don't want you to be uncomfortable."

"Are you gonna be on that mattress with me?"

"Bank on it."

"Then I'll be comfortable. C'mon, I want you to see the basement then we can go grab what we need for tonight."

She hadn't told him her plans for the lowest level of the house so he was majorly surprised to find she'd had a complete recording studio built in.

"I'm sorry I didn't talk to you about it but I wanted it to be a surprise."

He touched every piece of equipment with the awe of a kid on Christmas morning. "This is an awesome surprise! It's like a professional studio!"

"It IS a pro studio." She sat on the edge of one of the boards. "I've been thinking, you clearly have a music career ahead of you, writing, performing all of it. I'd like to be on the road less with the kids so I can coach from here but I was also thinking, we know all the right people, we're both comfortable behind the boards, maybe we could scout some talent, and, I don't know, start out own little label."

He shook his head and looked up at her, "Our own label?"

"Not right away of course, but for awhile we could use the studio for us and our friends but, y'know, it's something to think about for our future."

"You've never mentioned wanting to produce or anything like that. I LOVE the idea. Has this always been a goal of yours? How would I not know that?"

"Never even considered it. When I was thinking about the house I was thinking you could use a music room and it sort of snowballed. I never thought I'd leave the road until...well, you."

His face went serious, "But will you be happy? If this was something you'd always had on the back burner then okay, but if you never wanted to leave the road, if that's what you really love doing..."

She reached for him and he closed the distance between them. "I loved being on the road because I was afraid if I stood still I'd notice how empty my life was without work. Now, I have every reason to be still and just enjoy every moment. You and our kids gave me permission to stop and imagine what I could do if I didn't have to keep on the move. I'm more than happy, I'm content and I don't know if many people get that, to be wanting and needing nothing more than what you have."

He rubbed his nose against hers in an Eskimo kiss. "Thank you."

"For what?"

He kissed her,"For letting me be the guy you slowed down for."

"I think you promised me we'd break this place in today." She ran her hands up his sides.

He looked at her amused, "Really? Now?"

She was already tugging his shirt up, "You got somewhere else to be?"

"There are workmen upstairs and we'll have the place to ourselves all night." His mouth was clearly ignoring his hands because as he spoke he was unzipping her dress.

"So tonight we can break in upstairs, right now I say we test out the soundproofing in the studio."


	5. Chapter 5

Darren and Issey made notes for each room, things they would need, things they'd use from their own homes, things they would decide about later. Given their past relationships and the ghosts associated with them they would purchase a new bed for their room and use Darren's, still quite new bed in a guest room. Her bed would be used in a guest room as well, but with a new mattress as hers was a little older. Neither had much in the way of kitchen things so they would purchase new for nearly everything they would need there. After ensuring the soundproofing in the studio was beyond reproach (twice), they set to go out shopping. Her first stop was a rental car; she got herself a large SUV so they could move some things into the spaces that were ready enough for moving in.

After picking up the rental they went back to Darren's to drop his off and pick up the mattress and some pillows for the night. She followed him in but didn't tag along to the basement where he needed to do some excavating to find his camping gear. When he returned triumphant he didn't find Issey in the living room as he'd expected. He looked outside and called her name, the SUV was still there, so he went in and checked his room.

Issey lay on his bed, one of his sweatshirts pulled over her shoulders as a blanket, sleeping. She had been so excited to get started on their lives together, to move forward, but the fact remained she was recovering and pregnant and needed rest. Darren smiled to himself; it was a relief to him that she could rest in this room. The air in here had felt heavy since the moment she'd found out about Mia, the sadness hanging like a cloud until now.

He could tell she'd used the lightly scented lotion she kept in her purse right before she fell asleep; it perfumed the air and changed everything about the way the space felt. Her little hums and sighs, barely audible over the air conditioner but still sweet sounding and inviting. They always meant she was over tired and about to fall into a sleep so deep she would have to be shaken to be woken.

He went to the closet and pulled out a fresh sheet knowing even when it was unbearably hot she couldn't sleep without some cover. There was a grumble when he removed the sweatshirt but she settled down when he replaced it with the crisp cotton and snuggled in beside her. His throat had felt raspy and there was a tickle behind his eyes that suggested a cold was coming on. He'd been going nonstop for too long and a rest was just fine with him.

"Is? Issey? Wake up! " They had slept until early evening, Darren only waking when his phone rang but even that didn't disturb Isabelle's rest.

He kissed her cheek and touched her shoulder, "Babe, wake up."

She opened her eyes slowly, not ready to relinquish the peaceful dreamland she'd found. "I just want to lay down for a little bit." She mumbled before letting her lids droop again.

"We've been sleeping for hours." He was kneeling next to her, phone still clutched in his hand. "I need to talk to you, please Isabel."

His use of her full first name coupled with the controlled hysteria in his voice finally roused her. She smacked her lips and reached out to pat his thigh, "Alright, I'm up, what's going on?"

The words came out but he could tell she wasn't all the way awake yet. He'd know soon if she was listening or drifting, "My agent just called, I got an unbelievable offer but we have to talk about it."

She sat up and rubbed at her eyes. "Offer? We start shooting Glee in less than a month."

"I know, it's for the winter break. They want me to replace Dan Radcliffe in How To Succeed for three weeks on Broadway."

He was barely containing his excitement, but there was concern layered in there too.

"Darren that's INCREDIBLE! Congratulations! " she leaned forward lifting her arms quickly to wrap around him and wincing at the pain. She had slept hard enough to forget her limited range of motion from the surgery.

He leaned in and hugged her gently instead then they settles together against hi headboard.

"It's a crazy offer, I don't know how I can say no."

"Why would you say no?" She was stunned.

"I'd miss two episodes of Glee, I'm exhausted at the end of shooting and Succeed is a really physical show. I haven't got a big enough voice for Broadway, not to mention I don't have the chops for the dancing. Dan nails it, I'd hate to let people down."

"You're out of your mind. You can do this part. You'll kill it. If you think it's going to be too exhausting with Glee then say no, I'll back you up, but please don't let this opportunity go because you doubt your talent. You're better than you believe you are."

"You'll work on the songs with me? My voice is so thin I'm worried ill be drowned out by the orchestra."

"You won't be. We'll make sure."

"The biggest thing though is it'll be December and January . You'll be very close to your due date, and with twins they could, I mean they probably will come early. I don't want you traveling then, I don't even know if its safe for you to fly that pregnant but there's no way I'm going to be across the country from you at that point."

She considered this a few minutes. "We'll figure it out. Mid December we stop shooting right? At that point I'm still two months from my due date."

"I'll need to leave around the beginning of December."

"I don't know if I'll still be needed by then but I'd not, if they can let me go then too it will be easier to travel and we can just move into your place in New York."

"Our place. Our place in New York. But what about after the show, it will be too late for you to fly back."

She stroked her fingers across the back of his hand, a hand that was rested on her belly, holding their babies. "We'll figure it out. You're doing this."

Issey checked her phone when they finally decided to move and found 2 texts from Chris. She'd forgotten to update him about her plans to stay at her own house that night so she texted him back letting him know she'd see him tomorrow.

"Still feel like shopping?" Darren wondered as she slowly pulled herself from his bed.

"Eating. Then shopping, I'm starving."

Darren wanted a burger, thick and greasy, Issey couldn't argue with that so they went to The Grove and hit Unami Burger before heading to Crate and Barrel to start checking things off their list. Issey started toward the mixers but Darren was stuck "ooh"ing at a bright red snow cone maker.

"Tell me you're kidding. We have no pots and pans, no dishes, no bed for that matter and the first thing you want is a snow cone maker?"

"Think of all the money we'd save, we wouldn't have to go out for snow cones!"

"When was the last time you actually left your house in pursuit of a snow cone?"

"It happens more often than you'd think. C'mon."

"Once is more often than I think. Do you really think we'll use it?"

"Probably not. Okay Mama Bear, let's go buy boring pots and pans." He pretended to pout but took her hand and dutifully pretended to care which mixer they chose. Issey stood staring at pots and pans wishing her sister was there to guide her. She knew non stick was the way to go, she knew enough to choose handles that wouldn't get hot, but which pans would she really use and which would sit and gather dust? No clue.

In the end she chose a small 5 piece set of necessities and decided to wait to consult her family about the rest. They got a baking set with cookie sheets, muffin tins and cooling racks because Darren started "mmm"ing about the cookies they could bake. She liked the dark brown dinnerware but decided to wait to check Nordstrom to check for something more exciting. They drifted through bed and bath, and then looked at the barware. Issey was getting antsy. Everything seemed so earth toned and she wanted something more visually and texturally stimulating. Darren agreed so they purchased the mixer and cookware, took it to the SUV and went to Nordstrom with higher hopes.

They began again in kitchen stuff. She flipped over hand painted ceramic soup bowls in teal and coral that would be perfect. It turned out they were part of an entire dishware set so she quickly scooped those up, losing sight of Darren who had found swizzle sticks that resembled drum sticks and snuck them in with their order before she could give him the side eye.

They did find a number of things they liked but not loved so in the end decided to call it a night and head for home. Issey realized they had brought clothes for the evening but no towels or curtain for the shower so they took a quick run through the bath department for essentials, none of which excited Issey but Darren found a shower curtain he "connected with on a spiritual level which turned out to be called "Harmony". Making their way back to the car they passed MAC cosmetics and Issey's gaze must have settled a little too long through the window because Darren gently took her elbow and led her in.

"There's nothing I need here. This is silly."

"So don't get anything, just browse. Be a girl, you deserve it."

She smiled fondly at him, kissed his cheek and roamed the counters not paying any attention to him or where he was. When she'd seen all she cared about she found him sniffing lotions and flirting with the girls behind the counter. Flirting was as natural for Darren as breathing, Issey actually enjoyed watching him charm the ladies for a bit before collecting him as her own and heading out the door.

He drove back to the house, she fiddled with the radio until Someone To Watch Over Me poured out of the speakers. She stroked his arm resting on the center console and serenaded him. At a red light he leaned over for a kiss and as they broke apart she whispered, "Ella".

He looked at her amused and confused "What?"

"Ella. Officially Bellatrix but not Trixie, too stripper, not Bella because if anyone ever thought I named my daughter after a character in Twilight I'd end up in an asylum, but Ella, like Ella Fitzgerald, I love that."

His smile started with his mouth, reached his cheeks and illuminated his eyes. "Ella. Christ I love that." He reached over and touched her stomach, "What do you think in there, is one of you a girl? Do you want your name to be Ella?"

She looked down at her belly. "I can't wait until we know, it's driving me crazy. I just want to know, boys, girls, both?"

"Do you think we should tell people soon? About it being twins I mean?"

"Soon, I keep almost slipping and saying "they" or "them" instead of "the baby", and as people come to see the house they're going to notice we have two cribs and all."

"Okay, so tomorrow maybe?" He looked so serious now as he navigated the unfamiliar roads in the dark.

"Wow, really, that soon?" She considered, "Alright. Why not? Tomorrow. Have you thought about the fact that we're going to wake up to the sound of construction being done in our home tomorrow?"

"And pretty early too. Do you want to skip it and get a hotel or something?"

"No, I just, hadn't really thought this through that well I guess, but still, let's do it."

At a grocery store near the house they got snacks for the night and things for the morning before finally going home.

Once they got out of the car it was pitch dark in the garage and neither knew where to find a light switch so Darren led, arms stretched in front of him to stop him walking into walls, her following close enough behind so that when he stopped she crashed into his back and they both laughed.

"I feel like we're going through a haunted house." She said wrapping her arms at his waist as he walked forward slowly.

He began to sing "Casper the friendly ghost, the friendliest ghost you've seen…"

It made her giggle and soon he was at the door struggling to get his key in the lock he couldn't see. While he jiggled and stabbed and swore under his breath she kissed the back of his neck with short nippy smacks. The second he got the door open, and before she could realize what was happening he turned and lifted her into his arms crossing into their home and found the counter closest to the door. He set her down quickly and dipped his head to kiss her throat and across her shoulder. His voice had a little grit to it when he breathed the words into her ear, "You looking to start something Isabelle?"

"We have to bring everything in from the car." She feigned pushing him away but with no force what so ever.

"It can wait." He sucked her bottom lip into his mouth before she could respond.

She lost herself in the kiss, using her legs to pull him closer and scratching her nails lightly at his neck. Darren had a habit of tracing small circles at her hip while they kissed and the feeling of it sent shivers through her whole body.

When they parted she kept her arms locked behind his head. "I'm sorry."

"What for?" he kissed the space right in front of her ear.

"For not picking you the first time. For not letting you kiss me when you wanted to. For pushing you away when all I ever wanted was to be so close to you I wouldn't be able to tell where I ended you started. For not letting you know every minute of every day how I ache with how much I love you because it's too big to fit in my skin."

His eyes welled, hers were already spilling over. "Where did that come from?"

"It's always there, I just don't always say it so you don't get sick of it, but honestly Darren, there's not a single moment in the day that I don't look over at you and wonder how I ever got so lucky."

He looked in her eyes for a long time before shrugging, "I'm the lucky one. If you hadn't come back to me I'm not sure what I would have done."

Awhile later they had the new things brought inside and were sitting on the floor of the deck outside their bedroom listening to the ocean. Darren scooted away from her and tapped his lap, "Give me your foot."

She lifted her brows at him but gave in quickly expecting a foot massage but then he pulled a bottle from his pocket and she watched as he brushed a flirty pink coating over her toenails. "Where did you get that?"

"M.A.C. I've watched you frown at your toes long enough."

"I don't frown at my toes."

"Your toes have been polished since I met you and now since your surgery you haven't had time for a pedicure, you haven't been able to do them yourself so…" He let the rest hang there as he finished her pinky toe with a flourish.


	6. Chapter 6

It was a wonderful night in their new home. They stayed up late, having slept so much in the afternoon. They did a little shopping online, creating a bed they loved so much on Ethan Allen's website they pulled the trigger and purchased it without even looking elsewhere.

They were still on the deck, not really wanting to leave the soft breeze or the sound of the waves in the distance. Darren sat back away from the computer and ran a hand through his hair. "So, ah, have you given any thought to when you want to get married?"

"You proposed two days ago." Issey tried to cover her smile but couldn't stop herself from looking down at the ring she'd always dreamed of.

"Fair enough."

"You let that go quickly. Have you thought about it?"

"Only constantly, but I want to leave it up to you."

She moved the computer from her lap and turned to face him. "Why? It's OUR wedding, not my wedding."

"True, but you know how you feel, physically I mean, I don't want to push you to do it too soon, I want you to be able to enjoy it, have the perfect wedding, and then I don't know how you feel about getting married when you're demonstrably pregnant so if not before then we'd have to wait until the twins are born and that would be in winter, and this winter is going to be fucking ridiculously busy so then we're talking spring. We could wait until we finish shooting for next season, that's reasonable I guess."

She turned to lean into him, resting her head against his shoulder and snuggling in deeper when he wrapped an arm around her. "You really have given this some thought. I guess late spring next year is the smartest decision."

The waves crashed and their breathing synced up. The smell of the salt water was intoxicating.

"I don't want to make the smart decision. I want to do this soon." She concluded finally.

"Thank God!" He pressed his lips to her temple.

"Where? Did you want to do it in San Francisco?" she played her fingers under the edge of his shorts, tugging a little at the frayed material there.

"That would be nice, but your entire family is on the East Coast. I've got people everywhere. What about Boston?"

"I'm leaving Boston behind. What if we did it here? Wait until the house is ready and invite everyone over for a house warming then, bam, surprise wedding."

"I love that idea, but it's pretty casual, are you sure you don't want something more formal?"

"Uh-uh. Barefoot, on the beach with the man I love, that's all that matters to me. I told you, I didn't dream about the big wedding. If you want something more traditional I'm down but I'm good with a great party here at our home. Everyone can come casual and just enjoy the beach. We could barbeque, and set up a volleyball net."

"You're getting excited about this I can tell."

"Again, though, if you want something else…"

"I want you. That sounds like heaven to me. When do you guess the house will be ready?"

"Depends on how much we get done this week. The actual work on the house I'm thinking should be ready in two weeks, max, if we can get serious about picking furniture and everything I think we could get married as soon as next month."

"We start shooting Glee next month."

"Sooner?"

"Sooner."

"We're going to be in Boston in two weeks. I guess we could do it right when we get back. We're cutting it close though."

He thought for a bit, "We could do it the first weekend of shooting. The schedule won't be as heavy as usual and everyone from the show will be in town for sure. We'd have a week and a half more or less at home to get everything ready."

"Okay. Let's do it."

"Really? So in like, 3 weeks we're getting married?"

She shrugged, "Why not?"

"This is…YES!" He kissed her and Issey laughed into it.

"I might have to hire a decorator to help get the house in order. What do you think?"

"I like your style better, it's more personal if we do it ourselves. Besides, if the house isn't perfect so what, these are just the people we care about, they'll be so excited about the wedding they won't notice if we don't have the perfect art hanging in the hall yet."

"Good. Yes. And the wedding will be easy enough, we have to get blood tests and a license and find someone to do the ceremony. I can order invitations to the 'house warming' online…what else?"

"Food's easy, we'll get a caterer that does barbeque and maybe they can do a clam bake in the sand too."

"We already have an outside sound system so music is settled. I guess we should pick a few people to tell, like family that has to come far and oh, do we want to do the whole 'best man, maid of honor thing?"

"I'd like to have my brother be my best man, I think I'd like some of the guys to be groomsmen but then it turns into a whole big deal. What about you?"

"I could have my sister be my matron of honor, other than that I don't really have a lot of girlfriends that I'd want to…, it just seems like a lot of work for people. Let's just do that, Soph and Chuck, that's it. I like that."

"And Benji and Olivia could be the ring bearer and flower girl, they're so cute!" Darren was on a roll with this now.  
"They'd love that. Well Olivia would, not sure how Benji will feel about getting dressed up."

"Dressed up? I thought you wanted casual."

"For the guests yes, and for us too, but I'd like us to look a little special. No tux and white gown but, a nice dress…"

"I have the perfect dress." He popped an eyebrow and kissed her cheek. "You tired?"

"Not really, why?"

"Let's take a walk on the beach."

They walked, letting their hands swing together between them, the water licking up at their feet. "You're going to have to learn to surf now, once the kids are here."

"Been thinking about that. I think I'd rather be the one on the beach taking pictures."

"Chicken."

"Not really, I just, I don't need the thrill, I get my kicks just seeing you out there, and watching you teach them, I don't feel any desire to do it myself."

He let her hand go and snaked an arm around her waist, "You sure you're not afraid of the water?" Before she could protest he'd scooped her into his arm and ran to deeper water.

"Darren NO! I'm serious, don't dump me in!" she was panicking, flailing in his arms in a way he hadn't anticipated.

He put her down, only knee deep in the water and kept his arms around her. "Hey, okay, I was just playing." He tried to soothe her but she was shaking.

"I didn't want…I don't…" she started to cry, "Forget it, I'm sorry, I know, I know what you were trying to do, I'm sorry."

He dipped his head to meet her downcast eyes. "What's wrong?"

"The water, the scars, they're getting there but they aren't really healed and…"

He cut her off pulling her into him, "Christ Issey, I completely forgot…I'm an asshole, I can't believe I forgot, I'm so so sorry."

A laugh broke through her tears, "I love that you forgot, that's the best present you could ever give me, I just got really scared for a second that would have stung like a son of a bitch, salt water!"

He looked relieved that she was okay, and honestly seemed happy. "I still feel bad but you're sure you're good?"

She stroked his hair and wrinkled her nose, "Better than good. You'll never know what it means that you can look at me and not see the surgery, or the cancer. Let's keep walking for a bit."

They continued the walk after a few sweet kisses, both happy for the companionable silence but it was Issey who broke it. "Mia and Chris."

Darren nodded, "We'll have to tell them."

"It's not the sort of thing you can spring on them once they're here. Do you thin k Mia will come?"

"She said she would. What about Chris?"

"I can't imagine him not being here. He needs a boyfriend."

"He's too busy for a boyfriend."

"We're all busy, but for the right person you find time."

"True."

Later, snuggled in on the air mattress she traced the veins on his arms with a fingertip and fell asleep amazed at how beautiful each inch of skin was on this man who was going to be hers forever in a few weeks.

They expected to wake up to the crashes and bangs of construction but instead it was the sun blasting into the room without any shades or curtains that roused them. He showered first and when she came out she found him on the deck outside the kitchen a cup of tea waiting for her beside him.

They had a game plan for shopping and set out before the workmen even showed up. When Darren cleared his throat for the 7th time as she debated between two curtain patterns for the kids room she turned to him. "Stop that, you're killing your vocal chords."

"My throat hurts."

"We'll get you some tea and lemon to cut the phlegm."

"Or a snow cone?"

"We're ordering that maker today."

"I'm just saying think of how great it would be when the kids get sick."

"You win already, stop campaigning."

With the wedding deadline looming they made choices much more quickly. By lunchtime they had a fairly well put together beginning. While they ate he busily tinkered with his phone until she sighed loudly.

"Yes?"

"Is what is on your screen right now more interesting than talking to your future wife?"

"A little."

"Wow."

He turned the screen to show her a list of Justice of Peace availability for their chosen date.

"You win. See anyone good?"

"Hard to tell, should we call a few and meet with them first?"

"Make some calls, see if they can fit us in today, we don't have much time for this."

They were able to find two people willing to meet with them that afternoon so after a little more shopping they made their way to the first JP. They got along so well with her, a 40-something year old grey haired retired judge who had a zest for life they admired, they cancelled the second appointment and hired her on the spot. They learned from her that they could get a marriage license without blood tests and could pick one up that very day as long as they had valid photo ID's.

Smiling at each other like a couple of teenagers they stood in line at the registrars office. Issey had filled in the online application as they drove over so they just needed to present their ID's and receive the license; it seemed too simple a thing for the magnitude of what they were feeling. It was like paying a speeding ticket not the reception of paperwork that would join them officially as one forever.

When they got back to the SUV Darren put the key in the ignition, turned the engine over then shut the car back off and turned in his seat to face her. "So, we're really doing this." His eyes were dancing.

"Looks that way." She bit her lip trying to hold in her smile.

"I wanna like scream, or jump around or something. I can't contain all of this inside." He was fidgeting in his seat, about to explode. She leaned in to kiss him and gasped when he licked into her mouth slowly then growled, "NOW."

"Darren, we're in a public parking lot. We spend enough time on Perez, I'd rather not have shots of us doing it in a rented suv in broad daylight be a part of that."

He sat back and ran his hands through his hair in frustration. "I'll drive, you find the closest hotel."

She found it, called and booked it. She still had her suitcase with her, ready to head to Chris's house when they were through shopping for the day so they felt just a little less obvious sat check in. Or they did until Darren started snacking on her neck at the desk. Clearly the receptionist had seen it all and paid no mind to their public displays.

In the elevator he thumbed at her hip bones, something she recognized as a precursor to some serious business with him. Inside the room there were few words, just mumbles of "beautiful" "love" "soon" "forever" with no real connections or context as they undressed each other quickly.


	7. Chapter 7

"I'll be there in 20 minutes." Issey talked in the direction of her blue tooth.

"So I'm ordering the food now. General Gau's Chicken?"

"Christopher you're on crack. Veg medley, white rice and maybe a small side of chicken wings. I can't eat the hot stuff right now."

"You're boring when you're pregnant."

"I remember a time when you thought different."

"You gonna let me do now what you let me do then?" he teased?

"Write all night? Sure."

"Low, Issey, low."

"Hanging up."

"Extra duck sauce?"

"Duh."

She no sooner disconnected and Darren's ring tone filled the truck. "Yes dear?"

"Are you there yet?"

"No, not yet."

"Oh, I thought you forgot to call me."

"I'm not going to forget to call you. What are you doing tonight?"

"Quality time with Joey in front of the TV. What are you guys eating?"

"Chinese."

"No General Gau's."

"I know."

"No kung pao."

"Darren, I KNOW. Go play with Joey. I'll call you when I get there to my white rice and veggies."

"Are you going to tell him tonight?"

"About the wedding? I don't know."

Darren was quiet.

"Probably. And the twins too. I just don't want to shove it down his throat right away. I'd like to hear how things are going with him first."

"Yeah. Cool. That's…that's cool. Okay, don't talk and drive. Be safe. I love you."

"I love you too."

Alone in the car she had time to think and she was actually a little nervous about this visit with Chris. They hadn't spent much time together since they broke up and she wasn't sure where the lines were drawn. Did she hug him? Did she sit close to him on the sofa? She was jittery and felt silly for it.

When she pulled into the driveway she hit Darren's speed dial.

"Babe?"

"I'm here."

"K"

"Hey, Papa Bear?"

She could hear the smile in his voice, "Yes Mama Bear?"

"Today was a good day."

"Sure was. Text me when you go to bed."

"Will do. Love you.

"Always."

She didn't have to knock; Chris was waiting in the doorway. "I thought you were the food."

"They that fast?"

He didn't need to answer, the delivery boy pulled in behind her.

It wasn't long before they were settled at the dining room table, food spread farther than two people would ever really require. "Think you ordered enough food?"

"I've been eating on the run since we got home, well, since the tour started, y'know, I wanted to be able to just relax and graze. Besides I knew you'd pick at some of the stuff you shouldn't as long as the food police wasn't here."

"He's not the food police, he's just trying to keep me healthy."

"And I'm just trying to keep you happy." Chris joked as he waived a jumbo fried shrimp in front of her.

"I'm plenty happy. Tell me about the movie, how's it going?"

"The cast is mind numbingly great, I walk onto set every day scared they're going to realize this is just some crap a teenage kid thought up and be pissed, but everyone's been really gracious and funny as shit. Some of the best lines are ones I never thought of. I haven't made it through a seen with Rebel yet without breaking, same with Angela, she's hysterical."

"What's Allison like? I've always loved her."

Chris put his chopsticks down and looked at her seriously. "I have never seen anything like it. She's a beast. She's funny and humble and sweet and we're having this silly conversation and a second later she's in character and just nailing this broken, sad woman role. I could watch her for hours."

"So you're having a good time."

He went back to shoveling a dumpling into his mouth and talking around it. "We're working our asses off but yeah, it's fun. Rob has been getting me out at night which is…new."

"Rob?" it was her turn to stop eating. The lilt in her voice made him shake his head.

"Cast member, and no, it's not like that. He's just cool to hang out with. I feel like I can just go get a drink or whatever with him and it's not a media event. Y'know before Glee I didn't have a ton of friends, not like I was a hermit, but I not a group like I did once I started the show, and in the beginning we were really tight and went everywhere together. Then the show hit and it became a media frenzy for us to just go to a movie. With Rob we just do things low key."

"Sounds great."

He kept his eyes on his food. "You're heading in the opposite direction."

"Huh?"

"Marrying Darren. Talk about media feeding frenzy. You guys are gonna be like blood in the water to those sharks."

"About that."

"Wait." He got up and went to the fridge, returning with a beer which he popped and drained half of in a swig. "Go."

"Really Chris?"

"What? I was thirsty."

"You have a gigantic glass of milk in front of you."

"I needed bubbles."

"Now you sound like a character from Finding Nemo."

A few minutes of trading lines from the movie lifted the mood, and then Chris finished the beer. "Okay, really, tell me."

"We're getting married in three weeks." She held his gaze, watching him hold then release his breath slowly. "It was the only time that made sense. I don't want to wait until the kids are here and I don't want to be gigantic pregnant. We aren't telling anyone, well, almost no one, just family, you and Mia. We're going to throw a housewarming and get married then. I just didn't want to blindside you."

"Thank you. Three weeks huh? That's…that's really soon."

"I know. I hope the house is ready but whatever, if it isn't it isn't. You will come right?"

"Someone has to bring the sea monkeys." He smiled, but she wasn't buying it.

She took his hand. "No joking, can you come and be happy for us?"

"Of course I can. I will. Can I bring Rob?"

"I thought it wasn't like that."

"It's not but… I don't know, maybe it is a little. On my side. Not his. Probably."

"OOOOOO."

"No ooo. Can I?"

"Yes, you can. And I promise I won't make any sort of insinuation about your relationship."

"Oh GOD please, PLEASE don't."

"I WON'T."

"Wait. Kids?"

"Kids?"

"You said before the kids get here."

"I have to get out of that habit."

He just glared at her.

"Yes, it's twins."

"Do you know yet?"

"Boys or girls? No. Not yet. Soon probably. I have more doctor appointments coming up so maybe then."

She still had his hand, he squeezed her gently. "How ARE you?"

"Sore still, I look like Frankenstein, but it's better every day."

"You're beautiful. Always."

"Thank you. To be honest I try not to say much to Darren about how it looks because I know he doesn't care and all but it's hideous and gross."

"It will get better. My neck used to be disgusting until it healed."

"That is the sexiest scar ever and you know it. This isn't going to be sexy ever. I like a door without the knockers. I know I should be grateful it's them that's going and not me, and I am, but I don't know how I'm going to feel feminine again. Not to mention not being able to breast feed the babies. That's such a bonding time and I'll never have it." She took a drink and noticed Chris just watching her.

"I'm sorry. I had no intention of unloading all of that on you."

"You'll never know how glad I am you did. To be honest I was a little freaked out by tonight. I wasn't sure where we were with each other, afraid it would be awkward. Now I know we're still us."

"We'll always be us. Just without the sex."

"The amazing sex."

"The amazing sex."

They laughed and ate until they were stuffed then went to the living room to watch a Downton Abbey marathon Chris had TiVo'd.

She passed out half way through the second hour, Chris let her sleep and grabbed her phone.

To Darren: I'm guessing she was gonna call you to say goodnight. She passed out watching Downton. No stamina these days.

Darren: Thanks for the heads up. How's things?

To Darren: Hectic but pretty great. Congrats on the wedding plans. And the double trouble.

Darren: Thanks man. You are coming right?

To Darren: Can't let you get married without your boyfriend there.

Darren: We could post some pictures that would freak the fandom out from this wedding.

To Darren: Don't feed the piranhas

Darren: You couldn't have just said bears?

To Darren: I'm a writer (shrug)

Darren: Hey Chris?

To Darren: ?

Darren: I love you man, you know that right?

To Darren: And I'm the gay one.

Darren: Fuck you.

Darren: : )

To Darren: I'm not telling you I love you.

Darren: But you're not saying you don't

To Darren: Say goodnight Daisy.

Darren: Goodnight Daisy.

Darren: Love you

To Darren: For God's Sake!

Darren: That one was for Issey when she wakes up.

To Darren: Oh. Do it again. I'll leave it.

Darren: I love you.

Darren: And Chris.

Chris just sighed and smiled to himself. Leave it to Darren to get the last word.

In his guest he got a top sheet he'd had ready for Is in case she hadn't brought her own and brought it out to place over her. He spent a few minutes watching her sleep, somewhere inside him he felt himself let go. He could be her friend, he could be happy for her, for both of them. And he was going to spoil those babies with all the noisiest, most annoying toys he could find.


	8. Chapter 8

Issey woke to find Brian pawing gently at her face. "Okay, okay, I'll find your food little piggy."

She realized as she stretched the kinks out of her neck and back that she'd conked out on the sofa and never texted Darren. She grabbed her phone and found the exchange between the boys from the night before forcing a teary eyed smile to her face.

She texted them both that she loved their little broship and went about the business of digging through Chris' kitchen for cat food. She didn't have to look long; Brian stood in front of the correct cabinet and meowed loudly. She opened a packet of food and grabbed a spoon from the dishwasher to empty it into his bowl.

While Brian ate she checked around the kitchen for anything healthy she could nibble at. It was 6:30 AM and she wondered what time Chris was due on set. It was only 15 minutes later that he arrived in the kitchen, navy blue shorts, a light blue t-shirt and sneakers that she always loved, she had no idea why.

"Morning Princess. What're you doing up so early?" He tussled her hair as he went to the fridge.

"Ask Brian." She pointed with her spoon.

"Geez Brian, you let pregnant ladies sleep, don't you have any manners?" he turned back to Issey, "It's not a Broship."

She giggled at him, "It so is. You guys can't even hate each other when you want to."

He grabbed a banana and sat across from her. "Considering I'll probably be making out with him in a few weeks it's not wise to harbor any negative feelings."

She let her head thunk to the table. "Don't remind me."

Chris popped his eyebrows. "Don't like me macking on your man?"

"Don't say 'macking' you can't pull it off."

Chris just huffed at this.

"It's not that I don't like it, believe me, I could watch you two go at it for hours. I'm just not sure I'm ready for the workload."

"Ryan will take it easy on you. You're his new pet."

"Great."

"Did you want to come to the set with me today?"

She perked up. "I really do, you sure I won't be in the way?"

"Not at all, might put you to work though."

"I'd love to help! Plus I get to meet the new fella."

"Please…"

"I'll be discreet. I'm going to take my own car though, Dare and I have some shopping to do this afternoon. This house has a long way to go before it's ready for a wedding."

She followed Chris to the set, for this day it was a high school in the middle of nowhere California.

Brian, the director of the movie, not the worlds fattest cat, was on set already taking great care to get the lighting in the room exactly correct for the first scene.

Issey, never one to hold her tongue heard what he was trying to do and jumped in right away with a fast fix. "It's not long term and its not pretty but it will get through a couple of takes."

They hadn't even been introduced yet and Brian was hugging her. "Are you an angel sent to me by the low budget movie gods?"

"Angel isn't quite the word I'd use." Chris dead panned before introducing them.

Issey and Brian, or as Issey referred to him, "Brian the Biped" became fast friends, discussing the genius of John Hughes and the mistakes of modern day teen flicks while Chris got into hair and minimal make up.

The remainder of the younger cast floated in and BtB made introductions. Everyone was relaxed and friendly, clearly happy to be part of the film.

When Rob came in Chris looked nervously in Issey's direction and she gave him a devious grin.

After introductions were made she patted Rob on the arm, "I hear you're getting the writing hermit out of his cave. You're a better man than I."

"Wasn't easy, believe me, he needs prodding."

Issey choked down the double entendre desperate to escape her lips and settled for, "Well keep up the good work, we don't need another Salinger on our hands."

Chris' shoulders visibly relaxed when she concluded their exchange there and went to help Brian move seats around a classroom.

At 10am she had pains in her stomach from laughing at Rebel's ad libs. Her phone vibrated in her pocket and she stepped outside to answer Darren's call .

"Good morning love, rise and shine, we have wedding shopping to do!" Was his hello.

"Dream on sleepyhead. I've been up since 6. I'm out on the set of Struck."

"Oh. I thought you sent the text and went back to bed. So are you just gonna hang there for the day?"

"Course not. I brought my own car so I could meet you when you're ready."

"Cool. I'm going to shower and call my parents to let them know about the wedding, where do you want to meet?"

Up to you, we need to get house stuff done fast. The downstairs rec room is barren, I'd like to get a long table for the front hall and dressers, night stands and pretty much everything for the guest bedrooms."

"Meet me at Furniture Love in Wilshire Center in an hour and a half."

"See you then love."

She waited until Chris had a second then let him know she's see him at home later. She and Brian the Biped exchanged numbers and she was off.

While driving Issey called home. Her mother was concerned about the quick wedding date but thrilled about another set of twins in the family. Her father was as always supportive and extremely excited to spoil his new grandchildren.

She called her sister and first let her know about how quick the wedding was coming up, concerned that they might not be able to get time away or get the kids out there soon enough.

"Are you kidding me I'd move mountains to be at your wedding I can't wait." Sophie was bouncing in place you could tell just by the sound of her voice.

"One more thing. You're not going to be the only one with twins anymore."

"You're kidding it's twins! I can't wait to see you handling two babies at once let alone one."

"I'm excited but I'm scared. I'm not sure I can do this."

"Oh sis, you can do anything. I'll be there to help no matter what you need."

"You may regret that promise."

"I can't believe how fast everything is changing for you. You're going to love being a Mom and a wife."

"It's strange but I think you're more right than you know."

"He's the right guy. The right guy changes everything."

"Truer words have never been said Soph. We're disgusting together."

"My sister the romantic, didn't see that coming."

"It's worse than you know. I'm obsessed with him. Did you ever just want to stare at your husbands hands for hours on end? Is that even remotely normal?"

"His hands? No. But when we first got together I had an unhealthy relationship with his ears. I could t stop touching them. Funny, I haven't thought about that in years."

"I can't imagine it ever going away. Sometimes I can't sleep if there's any light in the room because all I want to do is look at his eyelashes."

"You could never sleep with light in the room. You used to tape the shades to the window. It was like waking up in a morgue every day."

"Morgues have bright lights."

"Smart ass living with a vampire then. Now I feel that way about my kids, just wait, there's nothing like watching them sleep. Sometimes it's too much, you just want to eat them up."

"I'm a vampire and my sister is a cannibal, what the hell are the kids gonna be?"

"Just like their obnoxiously good looking father If you're lucky."

Issey smiled at this. "He is isn't he?"

"Yeah, yeah, but he's better than that, he's a good man. That's what sticks."

"Yours too."

"I give him shit but I'd be lost without him. I'm so happy for you Isabelle."

"Thanks Soph. Listen the wedding is a surprise so keep it under you hat. Don't tell the kids, just tell them they're coming to se the new house. Fuck! I almost forgot, you'll be my mid of honor right?"

"Matron, I'm married, and yes, I'd be honored." She waited a beat, "does this mean I can get sloppy drink at the reception and make out with the best man in the coat room?"

"It's a closet and if your husband and his girlfriend don't mind then I say go for it."

"Ugh, I wish, I hear screaming and possible hair pulling, I have to go murder my offspring. Love you."

"You too."

When she arrived at the parking lot Darren was already there. He hopped out of his car and hustled to open her door. Before she could comment on what a gentleman he was he had her pinned to the seat with a kiss and his hand half way up her skirt.

"Making out I'm cars, this is our thing now?" She laughed.

He shrugged, "Missed you."

She didn't bother pointing out that it had been less than 24 hours, the truth was she'd missed him too.

She found furniture she liked for the guest bedrooms quickly enough and some light fixtures for the hall upstairs. She found Darren in one store reverently running his fingertips over what looked like an old wooden treasure chest.

"What do you think?"

"It's kinda cool. We could put it downstairs somewhere."

"No, for our room."

She scrutinized it. "Doesn't really go with the rest of the room..."

"Don't care."

"I mean, if you love it that much I'm okay with it. What are you going to use it for?"

"Treasure chest."

"You have some gold doubloons somewhere marked with an x?"

"Yup, I keep them in my wooden leg but they're starting to jingle when I walk." He opened it and stared into the empty space inside. "I want to keep our little treasures in it. Stuff that means something to us ."

She wrapped her arm around his waist and kissed his cheek. "Our kids are going to own you you big softie. Lets buy it."

It was a wildly successful day. They found more than they'd expected and despite having most of the larger stuff set up for delivery both of their cars were packed full.

They went to the house to drop the stuff off, Issey arriving first because Darren stopped to pick up food.

The workmen had left for the day so she went to see how far they'd gotten. To her amazement they were nearly finished. She had Siri put a reminder in her phone to call the contractor in the morning and find out how soon she could schedule the aquarium people to load in the fish.

She set the new dishes at the table that had arrived that day and been placed exactly as she'd asked.

Darren kicked at the door and when she tugged it open he was balancing two pasta dinners, two salads, a gallon of milk and a carton with the lamp for the kids bedroom.

Issey just shook her head and took the food from him. He had no medium setting, he always did things at 110.

Finally settled at the table and tucked into delicious Alfredo Darren cleared his throat. "Did you talk to your family?"

"I did. Everyone is coming. We have to talk about who's going to stay here. What about you? You talk to everyone?"

"Chuck is down. Mom and Pop not so much."

She stopped chewing and stared at him.

"Well, Babe, they haven't even met you. Mom's a little hurt that I expect her to meet you for the first time at the wedding."

"I guess I can understand that but Hon, do you really want to postpone?"

"No. Dad suggested another solution. I've got to be there for the show next week so he invited us to come up now, stay with them."

"First meeting and I'm staying with them? That's intense."

"They're really pretty laid back, they just don't want to be the only people at their son's wedding who haven't met the bride. I don't think that's unreasonable."

"Obviously not, but can't we get a hotel room or something so they don't get too big a dose of me right up front?"

"No Mama Bear, I think it's best you jump right in the deep end. Besides they'll love you , Chuck's the family cynic and you got by him no problem."

"Did you tell them about the twins?"

"They're thrilled, over the moon."

"When do we leave?"

"Tomorrow?"

"Oh God, we still have house stuff to do, I still have to find a wedding dress, we don't have a caterer, Darren, we're making good progress but there is still so much to do and we haven't even touched the guest house."

"We can do our shopping from San Francisco."

"Sure but someone has to be here when everything is delivered. Someone has to hang the mirrors and make the beds and put the linens and towels in the closets, these things don't happen by magic."

"Joey said he'd camp out at the house during the day for deliveries and I'm sure he'd be happy to put stuff where you want it. If he's going to stay in the guest house anyway maybe this is a good time to let him move his stuff into his room. "

She couldn't argue with his logic. "Ok. I don't want him making the beds and all of that stuff, that's outs. Making the house a home is something we should do together. I'll try to move my doc appointment up a few days so we can come back sooner."

"Don't worry, it'll all come together just fine." He leaned over and kissed her leaving a trace if sauce on her cheek.


	9. Chapter 9

After they had put away their new purchases, including one snow cone maker, Darren tried to talk Issey into spending the night at their house but she declined. She'd promised Chris a week and was now leaving for San Francisco the next day; she should at least stay with him one more night.

It wasn't easy leaving Darren, intellectually she knew she'd see him in the morning, that they'd spend the next week together and really, the rest of their lives together but after so much time apart she felt like they were always on their way to something or someone else. When they went to their cars and kissed goodbye she held on tight, digging her fingertips into his back, breathing him in.

"Let's just stay." He whispered hotly in her ear.

She wanted to, so badly she wanted to but she'd fallen asleep on Chris the night before and was determined to stay up and enjoy an evening together tonight. She smiled up at Darren, "You know what I hate?"

He raised his eyebrows In answer.

Scratching her nails through his growing beard she sighed, "I'm not going to get to marry scruffy Darren, I'm gonna have to marry Blaine."

Laughing he brushed his scruff against her cheek, "We won't be shooting until the Monday after the wedding, I don't have to shave for rehearsal."

"Thank God. I'm not looking forward to losing these curls either, for the record." She pulled one thought her fingers.

"They never completely go away. They just get shorter. Are you sure you want to go back to Chris's?"

"I am. "

They parted ways but just a few minutes after she could no longer see him in the rear view mirror she called him.

"Hey, does this mean I get to see your room from high school?"

"More or less, yeah."

"Will they let us sleep in the same bed?"

"Can't imagine them having an issue with it, I mean, that particular horse is out of the barn."

"So I get to fuck you in the bed you slept in in high school?"

"If you're lucky."

"Exactly how many poor innocent high school girls lost their cherries in that bed?"

"Exactly none."

"I don't buy it."

"I'm not saying I've never had sex in the bed, I'm not even saying I didn't get lucky in high school, I'm saying I never deflowered any young virgins in my high school bedroom…my car possibly, but my bedroom, no."

"I want to know what the moves were like in high school."

"You're insane."

"I'm completely serious. I want to look at pictures and videos of you in high school and then when we go to bed tomorrow night I want you to pretend it's high school and I'm some girl from school you got up in your room to listen to the new…what, N'Sync album?"

"I'm so in love with you it hurts."

"Did that line really work?"

"I guess we'll find out tomorrow night."

Letting herself into Chris's place she had to shoo Brian the quadruped back in the door. He was extremely vocal with his disappointment that it was her coming in and not Chris.

"You miss your roommate buddy?" she asked as she scratched him under the chin. "Me too. You get to see him more than I do, not that that's saying much."

Less than an hour later she and Brian were curled up on the sofa eating ice cream together when Chris came home.

"Hey honey, I'm home."

"How was work?"

"Crazy, how was shopping?"

"Productive."

Chris kissed her head, then Brian's before going to get his own Ben and Jerry's from the kitchen. "I'm surprised you're already back, I thought he'd talk you into staying with him."

She tucked her feet under Chris's thigh and leaned against the arm of the couch. "He tried. I needed one more night with you though."

Chris blinked and ate a few more mouthfuls before responding. "Why?"

"What do you mean why? Why just one more night? His parents want us to come stay with them for the rest of the week and I couldn't really say no."

"Um, disappointing but understandable. No, why did you need one more night with me. I feel like there's something bad you're waiting for the right time to tell me."

"Untrue." She wiggled her toes, "I gave you all of my news last night. I just wanted a little more time with you."

He considered and ate. "You want to go out tonight? I mean I know you can't drink, but Rob asked if we want to go to this place I like in WeHo. I thought you might want to just hang out for a while, maybe dance a little if you aren't too tired."

She was exhausted. It was a long day and she'd slept on the sofa the night before, but Chris clearly wanted to go and she wanted to be supportive. "Do I have time for a disco nap?"

"You totally do. I'm going to get some writing done, I'll wake you in a few hours."

She went up to bed and fell asleep immediately but had terrible dreams about Darren's mother telling him all the reasons she forbid him from marrying her. She also had a dream that Brian the cat and Brian the producer sang a duet as a commercial for a new brand of ice cream but it was the one about Darren's mother that stuck with her when Chris woke her to get ready to go out.

Before she hit the landing she stopped, her breath caught in her throat and she felt just a little dizzy. Chris was waiting in the kitchen but she could see his reflection in the hall mirror from her place on the stairs.

Black motorcycle boots, painted on black jeans, skin tight black button front shirt open to mid chest. His hair was perfectly styled, this was a boy on the hunt and she was instantly overcome with sadness that she would never again be his prey.

It had nothing to do with Darren, he was her soulmate, the other half of her, this was much more carnal. She watched as he preened a little in the glass of the sliding door and remembered what it was like to undress him, to slide her hands along his endless waist, feeling the goose flesh rise at her touch.

Shaking the feeling away as best she could Issey joined him in the kitchen. "Someone's looking to get lucky tonight."

"I'm already lucky, I'm heading out with you." He said it but he was distracted grabbing keys, gum, and his phone.

"We'll you look like walking sex so I'm guessing you're leaving with me but you're hoping to go home with a more interesting offer."

He leaned in close to her, so close it ran a shiver down her spine. "I don't fuck strangers, I just like to know I could. You're still the only one." He was close enough that each word was warm air on her neck but before her knees could buckle he walked to the door. "Ready?"

"I unleashed a monster, you're dangerous."

"I'm glad you think so. C'mon."

In his garage he headed for his car but then looked over at the bike. "You trust me?

"With what?" She was still unsteady from the crackling sexual tension between them.

"Just your life. Let's take the bike."

Did pregnant women ride on the backs of motorcycles? The internal debate took less than the blink of an eye. "Let's do it."

Chris handled the bike well, getting them smoothly out to the highway. Until then she had managed to hang on to his shoulders but once they picked up speed she had no choice but to lay against his back and wrap her arms around him. She felt his abs contract as her fingers settled in and smiled to herself that she was still able to get some reaction out of him.

Pulling up at Abbey it looked more like a Mexican restaurant than a gay bar, unless you counted the music pouring out. Issey stepped off the bike first, grabbing Chris's arm for support. Her legs were a little wobbly, it had been awhile since she'd been on a motorcycle and she wasn't all that steady lately to begin with.

Chris took her hand and guided her inside where they found Rob at a gigantic black banquette by the dance floor. He was surrounded by a number of people laughing loudly. She was happy to see Brian the Biped among them. They joined the crowd, ordered drinks, vodka for Chris, cranberry juice and sprite for Issey. One of the girls at the table gave her a one armed hug, "You must be our little sunshine's DD."

She smirked, "Probably by the end of the night, but I'm actually the resident breeder." She patted her belly.

Everyone coo'd and ooh'd over her impending motherhood. She liked them all immediately; they were sweet, funny, sarcastic and welcoming. She knew now why Chris was happy to come spend his nights here. Stories were traded, drinks were had, folks danced and ordered unhealthy amounts of fantastic food. She went to the ladies room and when she returned everyone was on the dance floor save for Rob.

"Not in a dancing mood?"

"Watching the drinks. It's a good place but you never know everyone so someone always table sits, we take turns."

"Smart. You can join them if you like, I'll keep watch."

"Its okay, I'm happy here with you." He smiled warmly and she wondered whether he was actually gay or just happened to know a lot of gay people. It didn't matter of course, but it could affect Chris and his blossoming crush.

"So which one of these fantastic people is yours?" she figured she'd probe just a bit.

"None. I'm single and loving it. You aren't though, that's quite a rock on your hand. Baby daddy?"

She nodded, smiling "Baby daddy."

"Lucky guy."

"Lucky me. He's my world."

"Bet Chris doesn't like it." Rob swirled the ice in his drink.

"What on earth would make you say that?"

"Way he looks at you. Kid's supposed to like boys but he can't keep his eyes off of you."

"He likes boys' fine, it's just that we're close and haven't seen each other for a while. Plus I've had some health issues lately and he's pretty protective."

Rob dipped his chin, "Sorry to hear that, about your health issues. He's a good friend to have."

"He is. He'll make someone a great boyfriend too."

"Maybe."

"Maybe?"

"He's sexy as shit but his brain never shuts off. He can't just chill."

"I've noticed looks like someone's making a move though." A handsome young guy in a black wife beater and jeans that could not be good for his junk was grinding against Chris. Chris was not in a hurry to move away.

Brian joined them fanning himself, "I'm not the girl I used to be. Who are we talking about?"

"Our little star."

"Ah yes, he's on point tonight isn't he?"

Rob downed his drink and headed to the bar.

"What's his deal?" Issey asked.

"Rob? He's a good guy."

"Naturally, do you think he likes Chris?"

"Everybody likes Chris." Brian wiped his face with his scarf.

"You know what I meant."

"I meant what you meant. I think everyone develops a crush on him if they spend enough time with him."

He was dancing with another guy, a drink in his hand. Issey watched him, she'd seen him dance plenty, and she'd touched and memorized every inch of him. Tonight he was different though, it was like a shell had been broken and he was 100% himself.

It was late, she didn't know when she started seeing 2am as late but it was and she was fading. The place was still pretty hopping but they'd slowed the music down and Chris was standing at the edge of the booth with his hand out. "You can't come out with me and not dance with me at least once."

"Chris I'm falling asleep. There's a line of boys waiting to scoop you up, go make their nights."

"Don't be that girl. C'mon."

"Oh give in already, you know he's irresistible." Brian quipped.

She stretched and rolled her neck but gave in. He pulled her close and she melted against him, the feeling deliciously familiar.

"You're tense. I'll have to give you a massage when we get home." He thumbed the small of her back.

She nuzzled in close and let him hold her; let him control the movement of the dance. She was just so tired and it felt so good to have someone else hold her up. "That sounds really good but I'm not sure I'll stay awake long enough."

He nosed against her ear and let his lips brush her cheek, "I remember how to keep you up." He pressed against her, sliding his fingers along her hips rolling together in a way that brought back a flood of steamy memories. It was heady and she felt drunk with exhaustion, her head spun, it would be so easy to give in and pretend, just for a few minutes that he was still hers but when he tried to kiss her neck it was like a bucket of ice water to her face.

"I can't, Chris, let go." She pushed him away and immediately there was a boy to take her place. He was drunk and allowed himself to be pulled into a new embrace as she made her way outside.

She called Darren and a woman's voice answered. "Hello? Um…hey, whose phone is this? Hello, Darren's phone."

"Hi, is Darren…can I talk to him?"

"I'll see if he's available, who's calling please?" the girl giggled a little at her assistant skills.

"His fiancé."

She didn't like the sound of her own voice. She sounded like a jealous girlfriend, which she wasn't. Mostly.

"Hold please."

Wherever he was the background noise was louder than it was at Abbey and that was saying a lot.

"Hello?" Darren sounded confused and far away.

"Where are you?"

"Troubadour. Couple of guys I know were playing asked me to come sit in for a set."

"Where? I can barely hear you, can you go somewhere less noisy?"

"TROUBADOUR!" He shouted over the noise. "I'm doing a SHOW."

"Who answered your phone?"

"What?"

"Your phone, who was that girl?"

"You're home?"

"Jesus Darren, go somewhere quiet!"

"I can't hear you."

"Forget it."

"What?"

She disconnected and texted him. "I'll talk to you tomorrow. Tell your answering service she did a fine job."

He didn't respond right away so she went back inside to find Chris. "Can we go?"

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing, just tired, can we go?"

"Yeah, sure. Let me say goodbye."

He made the rounds while she waved from the door. He staggered a little when he came to meet her.

"Keys."

"What?"

"Don't you start. Bike keys you've been drinking for hours."

"I'm fine."

"You're not and you aren't driving. Keys."

He placed them in her hand letting his fingertips caress her wrist as he did. "I'm only saying yes because you're beautiful."

Rolling her eyes she mounted the bike and waited for him to adjust behind her before revving the engine and peeling out. She was upset for no reason and that made her even angrier. It had been a long time since she'd hopped on a bike to clear her head but she remembered now why she loved to ride. The roar of the wind and the engine drowned her thoughts and it was easy to go a little too fast, get a little too reckless.

They were a block away from home when Chris loosened his grip and instead moved his hand to her thigh where her skirt had blown up and away. She gunned the engine in response and lost control of the bike sending it and them onto the pavement.


	10. Chapter 10

Issey was aware of two things, first a searing hot pain in her arms and legs and second Chris, his voice higher than ever as he screamed the address of the crash into his cell phone.

"She's pregnant with twins, oh God please just get someone here fast...yes she's breathing, wait, I think she conscious...Issey! Issey you okay?"

"Ow." She tried to sit up but bracing her hand on the pavement was like putting it through glass.

"Stay still, don't try to move, an ambulance is on its way." He had taken the phone from his ear and was kneeling next to her. His jeans were torn and there was blood on his lip.

"Chris are you okay? I'm so sorry, I was stupid to be so reckless." She tried again to sit up but things went slightly dark so she laid back.

"I'm fine, are you...do you think everything is alright?"

She didn't know. Her head throbbed her hands and legs were bloodied and raw but she had no unusual pain in her abdomen. "I think they're ok, I can't really tell. Oh God Chris what if..."but the end of the sentence was drowned in the wail of the ambulance siren.

The emts asked her a few questions then began working on getting her onto a backboard despite her insistence that she could walk if they'd just help her up. Once on the board they slid her onto a gurney and bumped her into the back of the ambulance.

The police had arrived while she was being strapped onto the board and were talking to Chris. She couldn't hear what they were saying and kept telling the emts that Chris was bleeding and needed to go with them.

When they pulled away from the curb the female tech whose name tag said Rose told her the police would bring Chris to the hospital. She said they'd checked him over and he had some deep scratches the would require debriding but he was not 'emergent'.

"And I am?" Issey's stomach flipped with horror. Did they know something she didn't?

"It's policy if you're pregnant and don't say you refuse to go. The guy who called said its twins is that right?"

"Yes, correct."

The tech started a line, it took three tries with the bumping and turning of the ambulance.

At the hospital things were a blur, she didn't remember being taken from the ambulance but did recall busting through the double doors from the heat of the California summer to the icy cold halls of the emergency room.

Rose gave someone (nurse, doctor, intern, it was impossible to tell anymore) a rundown of stats that Issey knew referred to her but had no idea what they meant.

She was placed into a curtained off area and felt like part of the ugly orange and blue furniture as everyone bustled around her.

"Hi, I'm Krista, I'll be your nurse today. So, can you tell me what happened?"

Krista looked about 27, her long dark curls held away from her face by a pencil expertly twisted on top of her head. She asked the question on auto pilot but her face was open and kind

"I'm an idiot. Went out with a friend, he had too much to drink so I drove home, on a motorcycle. I was kinda pissed off about stuff that happened earlier and was driving too fast and lost control of the bike."

Krista nodded, she'd heard it all before. "Where's the pain?"

Issey told her the backboard hurt more than anything but her back had been okay before they put her on the thing. She also called out her head and the scratches that were obvious.

"Do you feel like anything is broken?"

"No, just knocked around"

Agreeing the backboard was unnecessary Krista removed it and Issey immediately relaxed into the bed, suddenly so tired she couldn't keep her eyes open.

"No sleep yet Hon, we have some tests to run first."

As if on cue the phlebotomist came in carrying his tool box. He checked the bracelet they'd placed on her wrist without her noticing.

"Hi there , vampire department, I'm gonna just borrow some of your blood okay?"

"Sure, why not."

He was good and got the draw first try. Issey's eyes drooped while he took vial after vial.

She wanted to call Darren, wanted to ask where Chris was but either the people in the room were too busy asking the same questions over and over or were non existent.

When the doctor finally came in to introduce himself she asked him where her phone was and if her friend had arrived. He didn't know and clearly could not have been less interested. This was a man with people literally dying for his attention in room after room and chit chat was not on the agenda.

What happened? Where does it hurt? Rate the pain 1-10 1 being almost no pain 10 being the worst pain you've ever felt in your life. How far into your pregnancy are you? Do you take any medications regularly? Have you been drinking today?

Her answers got shorted every time and she began to wonder if that's why everyone asked a billion times, so that by the time the doc showed up you'd be we'll rehearsed and take up less of his precious time.

When he went to remove the gown the nurse had let her put on in privacy he grunted. "Double Mastectomy, fairly recent, you might have mentioned that."

"No one asked." She was feeling a little surly now and wasn't about to be chastised for this.

He only raised his eyebrows in response, too old hat at this to be drawn into battle. "No stretchers?"

"Can't have reconstruction until after the kids are born. No one has said much about the babies, are they okay?"

"We'll do an ultrasound but your stats are all good and you've had no cramping correct?"

"Yes"

"We'll check them next. Is there someone you can call?" He'd softened and that made it worse, he wouldn't give an opinion the twins health, if they'd brought her here because she was pregnant shouldn't that have been the first thing they checked? She felt the panic rise in her throat.

"My fiancé, please, I asked for my phone."

The doctor took a white bag from the chair in the corner and handed it to her, if you had it when you came in its in there, if not you can ask the nurse to call. I'll be back after your ultrasound."

Her phone, shoes and clothes were I the bag with her wallet and her engagement ring. She had no memory if her ring being removed, or her shoes for that matter.

She put her ring back on and called Darren.

"Babe? At e you okay? I'm on my way!"

"How did you know?"

"Chris called me, I'm about 10 minutes away. Tell me you're okay."

"I'm okay, I think I am, just bumped around. "

"What about the kids?"

"No one will say but I'm having an ultrasound soon."

"I'll be there as quick as I can. I love you."

"You too."

They came to take her down to ultrasound and she begged them to wait. She didn't want to do this without Darren regardless of the results. She was told there was another person waiting and if she wanted they could take him first but if her babies were in trouble waiting cod be a mistake.

What could she do? She agreed to go but asked that if he arrived while she was gone they bring him to her. Krista promised and so she was wheeled to another portion of the hospital through winding hallways she could never have navigated back on her own.  
Her mind popped up with crazy thoughts like she should have brought breadcrumbs in the event this were some sort of asylum and she needed to make an escape. Too tired and too many strange movies.

The ultrasound tech was a very friendly man of roughly 65. His hair was wholly grey And his glasses a little thicker than you might expect for someone who uses his eyes for a living.

"Hey Dee Ho little lady come on in! Do you need some help up onto table here?" He didn't wait for a response just lifted her with shocking ease.

"Hear you got yourself into a little dust up with the pavement huh?"

"Thats about the size of it, yeah." She said sheepishly.

"Happens to the best of us, I've been riding 53 years, still take the occasional spill." He kept the conversation light and jovial while he worked getting both her and his machine ready for the task at hand. She got the feeling he could be moving faster if he wanted to.

"Scars from the double M are looking good these babies'll be happy their Mama took care of things so she could be around for em.  
My wife had both her girls taken 22 years ago when the kids were only knee high and thank God she did cause now she's healthier n me and strong as an ox."

"Really? That's very encouraging. Sometimes I'm afraid to hope for much time with them."

"Never be afraid of hope, losing hope is about the worst thing that can happen to a person. Plan for the worst, hope for the best those are the words I live by. Being worried doesn't help anything and even hurts your health. I don't know if you're religious at all and I'm no preacher but I find if I can do what I can and trust God to handle the rest things work out just fine. Course it helps if you try to be a good person."

He looked at his watch. "You got your phone?"

She didn't, they wouldn't let her bring it.

He handed her his, "Call your fella, I can't stall much longer Hon."

She grinned at him and dialed Darren again."

"I have no idea where I am, but I'm in the hospital and heading for you. Are you ok? Are they done?"

"We're waiting for you -" a knock at the door announced his presence. Krista had brought him down herself.

He hugged and kissed her briefly then let Hank, as he'd introduced himself to Darren, get to work.

Three sets of eyes watched the screen hard enough to burn holes in it.

"Baby one, right here...moving, heartbeat strong, seems good."

Darren squeezed Issey's hand as Hank looked for vitals on baby 2. It took longer this time and they both looked ready to lose it when Hank said"Ha! Think this is my first rodeo little bugger? I see you there! Number 2 is a scamp and doing A-ok."

"Thank God!" Darren whispered while kissing her temple,"

Issey just cried tears of relief.

"Would you like to know what you've got here?" Hank asked.

They looked at each other with massive smiles, "we were supposed to find out next week, can you tell?"

Hank dug around a bit, "here we go, I'd say baby 1 is a strong contender to be a girl. Lets see if we can't figure out our hider."

Again he pushed and baby one, their daughter(!) moved just enough.

"Yup, there you are boy, hiding behind your sister huh shy one?"

Issey broke out in gooseflesh and Darren looked ready to climb out of his skin. "We have both!"

"Well now I'm sure about the boy but sometimes the view is tough, baby one certainly appears to be a girl but I'd check again next week to be sure."

They thanked Hank over and over for his help and were taken back to the ER where strange girl waited in the chair next to her bed.

She turned out to be Darren's ride which set Issey's teeth on edge but she didn't let on. Darren let the girl know things were fine, she offered to stay and get them home but he told her they'd be okay.

Before she could ask questions Chris came in wearing a hospital gown he was clutching desperately from behind. "What did they say? Are they okay?"

"They're perfect!" Issey gushed.

"Thank God." Darren added .

The tension hung between them for a moment before Issey added, "You okay?"

"Little road rash, I was too drunk to tense up so nothing's broken. They said you might have a concussion."

"Nope, they cleared me, I think they did anyway, now I'm just waiting to get out."

"Me too, I called Ashey to bring us clothes."

"Oh, good idea."

Chris waited a minute but the silence was too much so he shrugged and said he'd better get back to his area.

Krista came in flipping papers,"Good news, you're free to go as soon as I clean up some of your cuts. I'm so glad the babies are okay!"

She did her best to wash out the cuts without causing too much pain and then applied anesthetic cream before wrapping them with breathable gauze.

"Stop on your way home and get some antibacterial cream, I'd get the one with pain relief if I were you, and some gauze." She turned her attention to Darren,"you"ll have to change the bandages a few times in the next day or so."

He nodded, all business. He was on duty as caretaker once again

"Apparently there are a few film crews out front hoping to get the story of why you're here so we're going to see if we can distract them out front when you all leave out the ambulance bay once you're ready to go."

"Press. Fan fucking tactic. "  
Darren took out his phone and handed Issey hers. "Damage control, call your family let them know you're fine."

She looked at him. "Do you know what time it is? It's the middle of the night, they'd kill me."

"News flash Babe, it's 5:45 which means its almost 9 for your family."

She hasn't realized how long they'd been there.

Thankfully she got he r dad and explained in the briefest possible way that there had been an accident but she and the babies were fine. She called her sister who wanted more detail which she promised to call back with later.

Darren called his parents and got his mom, he gave her the bare bones explanation and said they'd be coming up later than expected.

Ashley arrived, bringing a massive attitude with her. She pulled no punches on the drive to Chris's house about how stupid it was to take the bike. Darren said nothing but Issey knew he was mad as hell and didn't bother trying to defend herself.  
Chris just asked Ashley to let it go.

It was decided Issey and Darren would sleep a few hours at Chris's then go to Darren's for his things before dropping her car at the rental place at the airport. He switched their flight and went to the bedroom while Issey said goodnight to Chris.

"I'm really sorry." Issey began.

"My fault. It was stupid to take the bike and we both know its my fault we crashed. I'm sorry for how I acted tonight. I really thought I could be cool with this whole being friends thing but I think it's going to take more time."

"For me too. Will you still come to the wedding?"

"I'll be there, but maybe we shouldn't be alone for awhile until we're more used to not being...together."

She had to agree, they cautiously hugged goodnight.

Darren was sitting on the edge of the bed watching the early news when she came in.

"They're calling you The Motorcycle Mama."  
His voice was flat.

"You're pissed'

She laid on the bed and pushed at him with her toes. "Shut that off and come fight with me. Lets get it over with."

He clicked the TV off and tugged his jeans down until he could kick them onto the floor. "Let's just get some sleep huh?"

He pulled her into him and told he was glad she was okay.

"I don't want to go to sleep with you mad."

"We'll talk tomorrow, you need to rest."

She wanted to argue but her eyes were already closing.


	11. Chapter 11

Searing pain on her left side was Issey's wake up call.

She tried to get out of bed quietly so Darren could remain asleep. He was snoring, arm over his eyes. It was more work than she bargained for, trying to roll gently away.

"OW!" She screamed it, unable to stop herself.

Darren sat up abruptly, shaking his head in confusion at his surroundings. "Hey! Babe? You ok?"

"I'm sorry, Dare, I tried to let you sleep but I put my hand down to push off the bed it killed."

"You should have woken me. Wait a minute." He got up and made his way to her side, helping her up.

In the bathroom he tried to help her get cleaned up but she shoo'd him out. "I need to pee."

"You can pee in front of me at this point."

"I guess so." She sighed.

When he'd changed her bandages and helped her into loose fitting clothes she rested on the bed while he packed the few things she'd unpacked during her brief stay. Neither said much.

Chris was gone to the set when they left. He'd left a note for them to help themselves to anything in the fridge and for Issey to call him later to let him know how she was feeling.

He also suggested they not look at Twitter for awhile.

Darren picked up her car keys with a pointed look. She let him, things were coming to a head, there was no point poking Papa Bear.

As he slid the car from the driveway Darren blew out a breath he'd been holding a long time.

"What the fuck were you thinking taking that god damned bike? He hasn't had his license that long. Has he ever even had anybody on the back of that thing before last night?" His knuckles were white on the wheel, a red flush climbing his ears.

"HE didn't dump the bike I dumped the bike."

"And thank God for that, you know what you're doing. Imagine if it had been him driving. He doesn't have the skills to control the thing in an accident."

"He's a good and careful driver. The weather was nice. I haven't been on a bike in awhile. I missed it."

"He makes you reckless."

"He makes me nothing. You take as many chances as anyone I know."

"It's different and you know it. Tell me something, what was the plan for last night?"

"Plan? Chris's friend Rob asked us out to a club in WeHo. Chris seemed to really want to go and I figured him getting out was a good thing so I agreed to go."

"After getting up early to be on his set then shopping all day with me. I thought you were tired all the time. Y know what? Whatever, that's not even what kills me. You head out to this club and decide to take the motorcycle. Do you think about the fact that Chris is probably going to drink? I mean, I'm assuming you didn't drink."

"I'm not going to dignify that with a response."

"So you either planned to let Chris drink then drive you home or the mother of my children, who just had surgery which limits her range of motion in her arms dramatically and made her motor control skills so wonky that she told me she's afraid she won't be able to diaper her own babies decided she could handle a bike with handlebars she can barely reach out to with a drunk idiot on the back. So please tell me, what. Was. The. Plan?"

She truly had no words. He was right of course. Her chest and arms were in agony today and not just from the accident, the stretch to reach the handlebars the night before was too much.

"It was uncomfortable I'll admit that but it felt good to feel in control."

"Some control."

"You want to know why I dumped that bike? It wasn't the pain in my arms or the drunk idiot behind me. I was driving fast to feel sexy and alive like I did before I became nothing more than a skin bag of medical issues. I wanted the rush of the wind to drown out the voice of some young, giggling, probably blond chick with, I'm sure, great tits answering your phone and you not being interested in what I was calling about. "

"So this is my fault because I went to play a set with some friends while you're having sleep overs with your ex boyfriend might I add. I put my phone down backstage, she's Phil's girlfriend, she thought she was helping."

"If you had a problem with my staying with Chris you should have said something. The passive aggressive thing is bullshit. Also, I noticed we don't have to go to the club to get your car, did the walking rack that brought you to the hospital last night escort you to the club too?"

"I knew I'd be drinking so I took a cab over, she was the same one that answered the phone and her name is Dina. She's the bands designated driver on gig nights. "

"How nice for her."

"I think you should talk to someone."

"I thought I was."

"A therapist, a professional. I think you need to talk to someone about how you feel about the changes in your body, maybe about becoming a mother, I don't know."

"I go out one night, take a spill on a bike and now I'm crazy and hate my kids?"

"Yeah, that's exactly what I just said . No, jerk, I'm just saying this is a lot of change and you're kind of obsessed with other people's boobs and called the kids a medical problem. Maybe just maybe it would help to speak to someone to help you see that you're still beautiful, that no chick with a great rack will ever turn my head because I love you. All of it."

She went silent and he switched in the radio. At his place she waited in the car while he showered and packed quickly. When he returned she was lying with the seat down, eyes closed.

Pulling into the roadway for their gate Darren touched her leg. "Time to wake up, we're here."

He tried to take the bags but she grabbed hers before her could get it. Shouldering the carry on was excruciating but there was no way she was letting him carry anything for her.

She made her way to the gate while he went to return the car but ran into a snarl of paparazzi.

Some asked how she was feeling, others asked if she had been drinking when she crashed the bike. Mostly they were just noise and flashing lights. The bag she was dragging was starting to hurt her back and the carry on felt like it was separating her shoulder.

Darren slid smoothly up beside her taking her carry on from her with ease and reaching for the handle of her suitcase on wheels. A moment passed between them, photographers clicking away around them. His fingers brushed hers and she released her grip and allowed him to take over the load.

The questions were now hurled at Darren, "Did you know she was with Chris last night before the accident?"

"Are you guys breaking up again?"

More of the same. Darren kept moving but addressed them in a perky voice, "Hey guys! We're really grateful that Issey and the baby are fine, fortunately she's a skilled driver and was able to avoid disaster. Chris is doing well too, we just left his place and he felt good enough to work today. Thanks for all of your concern."

Boarding was already started when they got to their gate. Darren stood aside and let Issey have the window seat.

"Do you want anything from the carry on before I put it in the overhead?"

"Advil."

He dug in her bag and handed her the bottle. "You want your book?"

"No, thanks, if my head will stop pounding I'm going to try to sleep."

"It's less than an hour, sleeping will make your headache worse you should drink some water and eat something. You can lie down at my parents house."

"I'm sure I'm going to make a great impression."

He let this one go. He was clearly still angry but not willing to make a scene on the plane.

They each put on headphones, she settled quickly on a Real Housewives of New Jersey. Darren flipped restlessly from one image to the next, she had the feeling he wasn't seeing anything on the screen. At one point she noticed TMZ show up and silently thanked God when he moved right past it. The last thing she needed was fuel on his fire.

His father picked them up at baggage. It was nice to see the enormous loving hug the two shared. Darren introduced her, all smiles and pride and she received the same hug he did. "Just call me Dad, if you're comfortable with that." He said as he grabbed her bag from the carousel.

"Thank you. I'm sorry I'm kind of a mess. I don't usually look like I've been in a fist fight with the road."

"I'd expect nothing less from a girl that's right for Darren." He side eyed his son, it was clear Darren's cheerful attitude was not masking his displeasure and his father was coming down decidedly on her team. "He's always been one to try anything, do anything, you could never keep him still for a second. I'd hate to see him settle down with someone who'd end up boring him. I've got a mind you can keep him on his toes."

"At the very least." Darren agreed and took her hand to walk to the car.

"Where's Mom?" Darren asked from the back seat. He looked like a kid back there, leaning up for his father's attention.

"At the stove, where else? She's sure Isabelle here needs a good nap and a good meal after her ordeal last night. And of course you look thin, boy. I think you could gain 200 pounds and your mother would tell you you needed proper feeding."

"He's actually been making sure I eat really well, he's a pretty good cook himself." Issey chimed in.

His dad turned and winked at her, "Learned everything he knows from his old man. Don't let his mother fool you. She likes to fuss in that kitchen but everyone knows I'm the best cook."

"Mom's no slouch but Dad really does make magic in the kitchen."

"You'll have to teach me your tricks, I have exactly no cooking skills."

"That can't be true, I always said my boys would fall in love with his stomach first, heart second and eyes last. I can see how he might have flipped that around for you though."

"That's sweet but I really could use a lesson or two if you wouldn't mind. Plus Darren and I have been shopping for the house and I'm thoroughly lost about what kitchen stuff we should buy."

"Darren should know those things." He looked at his son in the rear view mirror.

"He was busy making a play for a snow cone maker."

His dad laughed, "he always got them from the ice cream truck at Little League games."

"Only because Chuck always got the last Ninja Turtle Ice Cream" Darren sulked.

Issey had a vision on little Darren in his uniform, waiting in line with his big brother and so excited for his shot at the ice cream ninja on a stick only to be bested by Chuck. She had to laugh.

"Chuck was smart though, he'd always act like he ordered the wrong thing and start talking about how good the snow cone looked and bugging Darren to trade. "

"So naturally he'd say no way and happily eat the snow cone." Issey was smiling at the image.

"Right you are, and Chuck would put on this long face while he got to eat the ice cream with no whining from the little one."

"Clever boy that Chuck." Issey observed.

"Don't feel too badly for your fella, he had his ways of getting over too. Any time Cerina would make her famous casserole Darren would come in having fallen out of a tree or off his skateboard. When Cerina would ask how he got hurt he'd sniffle and say Chuck did it because he was trying to play with him and his friends and Chuck didn't want him around. Now I'm not saying Chuck never gave him a shove, but Darren was far more likely to shove back than come running to mom. Unless it was casserole night."

"Those dishes took forever to scrub, by the time I'd be finished Boy Meets World would practically be over. Chuck didn't even like that show so he could do the dishes those nights."

"And you needed you Topenga fix?"

"Obviously."

The house was lovely and filled with visual reminders that this was a musical family. They found Cerina in the kitchen as expected. She wiped her hands on a dish towel and wrapped Darren in a motherly hug.

Introductions were made and she hugged Issey carefully. "Welcome home. You've had quite a year young lady."

"Best and worst of my life, but the good outweighs the bad by far so I'm thankful."

"How are you holding up after last night?"

Issey glanced to judge Darren's level of aggravation but he already had his nose in a pot of something that smelled like heaven.

"Pretty sore really. It was a dumb thing to do."

"We all have those moments of reflection when we realize we could have made better choices, it's part of life. Why don't you go up and lie down awhile, we'll have plenty of time to get to know each other when you're well rested."

Darren thumbed the back of her neck gently, "c'mon I'll bring the bags up and you can take a nap."

"I hate to just get here and disappear to sleep but I really could use a rest."

"You're taking care of my grand babies when you take care of you, no one will fault you for that." His mother assured her.

She took her time climbing the stairs, taking in all of the pictures of the family lining the wall. Pictures of the boys were everywhere.

Darren was smiling out at her in countless costumes and uniforms. She pointed at one, "it's practically your Dalton blazer."

He considered the image for a moment. "Yeah, I guess it is. Way more hair though."

She ruffled his curls, "and no gel!"

He led they way and opened the door to his old room. It was most definitely still the room of a teenaged boy. Trophies and pictures of friends were everywhere. The only thing that didn't seem frozen in time were the stunning pink peonies in a low vase by the bedside.

"How beautiful! Did you do this?"

"No, that was my parents. They asked me what you'd like."

"They're so sweet. I was really scared."

"Not me. I knew they'd love you." He lifted her suitcase onto the desk, "do you want a nightgown?"

"Too tired." She laid on the twin bed and let her lids close. Seconds later she felt a cool sheet cover her. "Hey! This is my sheet. Did you just unpack this?"

He was already at the door. "Of course."

Even when he was annoyed with her he took good care of her. "I love you." It was a statement but there was a question in there too.

He crossed the room back to her and pressed his lips softly to hers, "I love all three of you. I'll wake you later."


	12. Chapter 12

Issey tried to roll over and kicked the wall for the third time. She didn't know whether she was happy Darren's tiny twin bed was against the wall to stop her landing on the floor repeatedly or if the floor would be preferable to slamming her already torn up knee over and over. This time she decided she was done trying to sleep.

She took a few minutes to look around his room. It wasn't so different from his current room, a realization that made her a little afraid to look too closely at the photographs, not wanting any more unpleasant surprises.

After texting Chris to see how he was but getting no immediate answer she sighed, "Okay kids, we can't stall much longer, we gotta go downstairs." She patted her belly.

Cerina was in the living room alone. "Did you have a good sleep?"

"It's been a long time since I was in a twin bed but at this point all sleep is good sleep. Where are the guys?"

"Charles took Darren to get what he considers to be the essentials for your new home."

"Any idea what type of essentials?"

"Knowing Charles they're buying tools and frames."

"Interesting combination."Issey said on the sofa opposite Cerina's chair.

"Charles always says you need the right tools to keep a house standing and the right love to keep it together. He was asking Darren about molding and baseboards, poor boy had no idea what he was talking about and Charles looked at me and said 'Cerina hold dinner, the boy and I are going out.' " she'd mimicked her husbands deep voice. "That was an hour and 20 minutes ago but when Charles gets near a hardware store you just never know."

"I hope some of that rubs off on Darren. We're having a ton of work done on the house right now but I'm sure we'll have lots of little things that need doing."

"Can I ask you something?" Cerina's face was serious.

"Of course, anything."

"When Darren started experiencing this new popularity that comes with being on a hit television show I was glad he was with Mia because they were a solid couple and I wouldn't have to worry about the girls who would be in his life for the wrong reasons."

She smoothed her hands over her skirt and continued. "Darren would be so upset with me for saying these things to you but a mother protects her children even when they are grown. Someday you'll know. When I first got wind that you were in the picture I asked Darren to be careful."

"I hate to interrupt but can I ask how he responded to that?"

Cerina smiled, "That was what really threw me. Normally I'd get the pat answer, 'of course I'm being careful Mom' with an eye roll I can hear right through the phone. This time though he said, 'I can't, it's too late."

"I'm lost, too late? Was this when I was already pregnant?"

"I don't think so, this was quite early on. He meant he was already in love. He couldn't stop himself from falling. I called Chuck and asked him to check in on his brother. I was very afraid you were looking for his money or his celebrity. Clearly I know now that you don't need him for either of those things so my question to you is, would you be marrying my son if you weren't carrying his children?"

"I think we may have waited until I was feeling better after my surgery but absolutely I would still be marrying him."

"You've known each other such a short time, how can you be so sure?"

"My heart has known his forever. There's no choice here. How do you know you need to breath air? That's how I know I belong with your son."

"But there was a time very recently when you were not so sure."

"It appears that way I know but even when we weren't together Darren knew, I'd told him I needed time to help Chris, and to sort myself out but I never doubted for a millisecond that I belonged with Darren."

"Why him?"

"If you love Charles the way I love Darren you know that is a question that cannot be answered. I can list attributes for days but there are millions of other people with the same, no one has ever made me feel the way he does. The first time I saw him everything I had always believed about my life and the way I lived it changed and I knew I would give everything up for him."

Cerina nodded.

"Did you ask Darren these questions?"

"I did."

"And?"

"And he said,'what did you feel the first time you saw Dad?'. That was really all he needed to say. I saw Charles across a park, he hadn't even seen me, I told my friends I was going to marry that boy."

"You hadn't even met?"

"No. But I saw him and felt like there was suddenly this piece of me outside of myself that I hadn't even known was missing."

"YES!" Issey agreed emphatically. "Darren and I have talked about that feeling. I know Chuck had serious reservations about me. Darren says he likes me now that we've net but I bet last night changed all that. I do wish I had met you all before I, well before. I have worked in this industry for so long and have never-"

"I know. I'm not much on the Internet but Chuck sent us some articles he found about you before you met Darren. "

"I didn't think there was much in the way of articles out there."

Cerina shrugged, "Snippets from articles about people you'd worked with. Every one talked about your hardcore work ethic, your exacting nature, there was nothing scandalous, no mention of road romances. Charles found that very reassuring."

"And you?"

"I wish you two would slow down. Do I wish Darren were married before he became a father? Yes of course I do, but he wasn't and I don't want him to rush into something that isn't right."

"How can I convince you I'm right for him?" Issey had thought the conversation was going well but now she felt her stomach sink.

"Not a thing. You're lovely and have shown grace under a difficult situation, this isn't against you, I don't want you stuck in a bad situation either. I just wish you two would take more time now before regretting your choices later. "

"Do you wish you hadn't married me Cerina?" Darren and his father stood at the entry to the living room.

"Of course not Charles, what's this to do with us?"

"Leave them be, when its right there's no reason to waste time you could be spending together." He crossed the room and kissed her cheek, "I wished I'd married you when we were just babies so I could have spent our entire lives together." Issey beamed, they were an adorable couple.

Darren sat in the edge of Issey's chair, "Did you sleep well?"

"When I wasn't slamming my leg into the wall, I haven't been in a twin bed since my age was a single digit." She leaned into him.

"It'll be supper time soon, lets go upstairs and change your bandages before we eat."

The meal was a treat, something homemade was just what Issey needed. During dinner they got to talking about playing cards which lead to them playing bridge after dinner.

Issey had never played so Charles took her on as a partner while Darren and his mother teamed up for the first few rounds. Issey grasped the basics quickly but couldn't get in sync with her partner. Eventually Darren asked for her to be his partner and they became unstoppable.

At nearly 1 AM Cerina declared it bed time. On the way upstairs Charles blustered about beginners luck and rematches before hugging his son and future daughter in law goodnight.

Issey brushed her teeth slowly. She was still stiff and sore. When she returned to Darren's room he was sitting on his bed still in jeans and a t shirt. She felt certain he was still upset with her and going to go sleep in Chuck's room.

He ran his hand nervously through his hair. "Hey, um, so this is my room."

She nodded, confused, did he want her to sleep in another room?

He got up and walked to his old stereo. "I'm glad you could come over. Do you um, want to listen to some music or something?"

The light clicked in her dim brain and she caught on at last. "Yeah, music's good. What do you have?"

"I've got all kinda of stuff, how about some NSync?"

"For real? Wow, most guys don't have that stuff."

"Or they don't admit to it."

"So how come you do? Are you like, gay or something? Cause that would be cool if you were, I just would like to know."

He leaned in and kissed her, for all the world it felt like the first kiss of two awkward high school kids with raging hormones.

"Okay, so not gay then." She said as she caught her breath. He was good at this.

"I'm sorry about my parents, they just like to hang out with my friends." He had some how maneuvered her across the room so she was standing next to his bed. "Sit."

"Oh, they were really nice, I didn't mind. Are you allowed to have girls in your room?" She remained standing.

"Sure." He sat on the bed and patted the space next to him, "they trust me. Don't you?"

"I guess so. I'm not allowed to have boys in my room, not even with the door open. My parents are so paranoid. Lame."

"They're right to watch over you." He tucked a stray hair behind her ear. "You're so beautiful, guys must be lining up at your door."

"We put in a number system like at the deli." She couldn't resist the snark and really it wasn't breaking character because its exactly what she would have said if some guy had tried these moves on her in high school.

"I'm going to come by and take all of the numbers. I don't want anyone else getting near you." He leaned in to kiss her again, this time cupping her jaw gently in his hand. He hadn't done this since the first few times they'd kissed. Now his hands knew her body well and settled into favorite places when they kissed but high school Darren didn't have favorite spots to caress, there was no familiarity or surety of possession in his touch. It was asking, testing, feeling her out.

She placed her hands on his chest and pushed him back a little, "You're a really good kisser." She didn't look happy about it.

"Is that a bad thing?" He took her hand in his and rubbed it softly.

"Kind of suggests I'm another in a long line of girls who have seen your room."

He thought about this for a minute. "I won't lie and say you're the first but," He kissed her just under her ear and whispered, "I can promise you'll be the last."

She gave him an 'oh sure I am' eyebrow lift but allowed him to kiss her down onto the pillow anyway.

He let his hands wander down her hips as if it were the first time but she giggled, "did you seriously have N'Sync CDs here?"

His smile made the sides of his eyes crinkle. "At one time I did, but no, not now."

"We're listening to it now."

"Downloaded it while I was out with Dad."

"Really?"

He kissed her neck. "You wanted the whole high school experience."

"Fair enough."

She let her fingertips caress his chest and down to his stomach, lightly, over his shirt. It was oddly hot to feel timid about touching him. He lay closer to her, his breathing getting heavier as he kissed across her shoulder.

She reached around him ignoring the pain in her arms and chest from the stretch but loving the way his back muscles flexed under her touch.

She tugged the edge of his shirt up and scratched lightly at the exposed skin enjoying the quiet moan that escaped him when she did. He sat up and pulled off his shirt then reached for her top. She grabbed his hand and he froze afraid her whole breast situation was about to slam them into the present.

"Wait." She said breathlessly casting a worried glance at the door. "Are you sure no one is going to come in?"

He laughed in relief, " Relax baby, my family believes in privacy. No one is going to find out." He removed her top and kissed across her breastbone.

"You promise you won't tell the guys at school?"

"I swear." He looked her in the eye,"You're safe with me, I really care about you."

They resumed kissing with Darren rilling over her and pressing her into the tiny mattress. "Ow! The button on your jeans is digging in to me."

"I can take them off if you like."

She touched his shoulder nervously. "I... I guess that would be alright,"

He shuttled them down his legs and kicked them away before lying next to her on his side. He twisted his lips a tiny bit and placed his hand in her hip. "Just say the word and we'll stop any time you aren't comfortable."

She nodded slightly and took the hand at her hip, threading her fingers through his and sliding their palms against each other. "I don't think I want to stop."

Darren placed his lips on hers, barely touching, and ran his bottom lip sideways against hers before capturing it into a light bite.

Being so lost in the fantasy it was almost a surprise when Issey felt the growing stiffness press against her thigh. By now they were always naked, feeling the cloth of his boxer briefs between them put her over the edge.

Neither was able to stay in the high school conceit long after she started grinding against him. It was one thing to play pretend with the build up but Darren had learned his lesson when he'd seduced her as Blaine, once things got past a certain point honesty in the moment was paramount to Issey's ability to enjoy herself.

She fell asleep in his arms and barely moved for hours. Feeling his forgiveness, knowing the tension of the accident had melted away was all she needed to truly be at rest.

Her phone had been set to vibrate but it still woke her when the text came in.

Chris: looong day at work. You ok? Darren pissed?

She set the phone back down, she'd answer this in the morning.

Darren shifted and rubbed his hand over his face, "Lemmee guess, Chris."

She nodded and curled back against him.

"Why does he think its okay to text you at," he lifted his head to check the digital clock on the nightstand, "4:46 am?"

"Just answering a text I sent him before supper, see if he was ok." She was drowsing already, her nose pressed into his neck.

"And he waited until now? You know he does this just to piss me off."

She grunted and laid back away from him not an easy task without hitting the floor. "He just finished work. They're busting their asses to finish this movie on time"

"Still could have answered you later."

They lay in silence for a short time but Issey broke it. "If I had been on my own bike, no Chris involved, would you have been this angry?"

"I don't know Is, you're having a tough time lifting your arms, it wouldn't have been the smartest move with or without him."

"If I had lost the twins you never would have forgiven me."

"I can't think about that."

"I don't know how you can help it. It's all I can think about. If I had been riding alone, on my own you would have been devastated, we both would but you would have forgiven me knowing I was as broken hearted as you, but if I had lost them riding with Chris you would never have forgiven me or Chris. You might try but I know in your heart you would hate me for it forever."

"I could never hate you." He said softly. "But let me ask you something, would you have dropped that bike if some girl hadn't answered my phone?"

"It wasn't just her answering; it was you not making any real attempt to talk to me, but no, I don't think I would have dropped the bike if we had been able to talk."

'The silence was deafening'. Issey had heard the expression but never understood it, never thought about it but now she felt like she knew. Her ears actually ached from the roar of the blood pounding in them. She broke it. "We have trust issues."

"Obviously."

"Maybe your mother is right. Maybe we need to wait."

He turned his back to her, facing the wall. "You don't want to marry me just say so, don't blame my mother."

She got out of the bed. "I take it that's your way of saying end of discussion"

He sat up, there were bags under his eyes, his hair was wild. "You think telling me we shouldn't get married is a discussion topic for nearly 5 AM?"

"Why do you always hear something other than what I say? I said we have trust issues, and you know what, we do, and for good reason. There's no shortage of blame to go around for that. I said maybe your mother's concerns about us rushing it are valid. I never said a single word about not marrying you.

"Okay, fine." He scratched his chest and ran his hands on his stubble. "You think postponing our wedding will resolve the trust issues you say we have. Tell me how that works, and for Christ's sake come back to bed."

She had been pacing the room but decided if he was willing to talk she should settle and get ready to dig in. Rather than climb back in next to him she sat at the end of the bed cross legged. "Are you saying you don't think we have trust issues?"

"I'm saying I don't, and I don't think your issue is trust either. Listen, I trust you. You don't lie to me, you may change your mind occasionally but you don't lie. I know you're still attracted to Chris but I don't believe you would act on anything because that would be the end of us and I believe that you want us to be together forever."

"What's MY issue then, since you don't think it's trust." She challenged.

"I've told you. You're not as well adjusted as you pretend to be about the loss of your breasts. You never talk about reconstruction, you bring up other women's figures when they're completely irrelevant. I don't think we need to wait to get married, if you really want to we can but I don't think it would solve anything. I do think you should discuss boundaries with Chris and I think you should talk to someone about your cancer."

"Oh good, we're back to the 'Issey needs therapy' discussion." She was exasperated.

He took her hands, "Try to hear what I'm saying and not be immediately defensive. I've been reading the forums on the breast cancer websites. I've been talking to people there and you know…"

"Wait. You're going online to talk to strangers about me?" She removed her hand from his and glared.

He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "No. Not exactly. I went there at first to know what to expect, how to be supportive while I was away from you. This was before the surgery even. The people there were so helpful, their stories were so touching and filled with hope I kept going back. I can ask questions there that I'm afraid would upset you. I get support about the best way to try to make things better for you. I think it would be good for you to find a forum you like, talk to the people there, because they have a lot of wisdom we could both use."

Her eyes welled, "Am I doing such a terrible job adjusting to this that you can't ask me questions?"

"You're trying so hard, and you're doing great but I'm afraid sometimes you're trying too hard. Like maybe you should take some time with the scary things in your head and talk them through with people who have been there." He moved to sit next to her and pulled her against him, kissing her head. "I don't know everything you're going through, I can't, but there are people out there who can."

"What did you ask them that you didn't ask me?"

"I don't remember. Originally I just asked how long the pain lasted, how it felt coming out of surgery, about being pregnant and having the surgery, things like that. After a while I just became a part of the community. Everyone pitches in thoughts and conversations. One girl, Mandy is having chemo and she has to bring a box of Good and Plenty with her to eat while she has it to compete with the weird taste in her mouth. A bunch of other people said they had no weird taste and then some others said they would just take Lifesavers or something. It's all kinds of stuff.

"Just that?"

"What are you really asking? Did I ask sexual questions? Yes, I did. I asked whether it was painful to have the scars touched, whether some women wanted to be touched there, if there was still a sense of sexual satisfaction or longing to have that area paid attention to or if it was just better left alone."

"I'm glad you talked to them. I think I would have been really self-conscious if you'd asked me that right away. What did they say?"

He lay them down and told her stories of his new circle of friends and how they made it through the trying times until she was again softly snoring beside him.


	13. Chapter 13

Staying with Darren's parents turned out to be a fantastic idea. Mama Criss pampered her and made sure she was well fed and rested. Papa Criss taught her a few truly scrumptious recipes to try in her new kitchen AND took them shopping for all the right tools for making the meals they would love.

San Francisco was a design paradise where they easily found window treatments and bedding for every room that still needed it. Issey found chairs and foot rests she had to have.

At night they played cards or watched home movies of the boys when they were little. Issey felt so accepted and at home she didn't want to leave.

The afternoon of the show Issey went into town with Darren when he set out for rehearsal. Dianna was also in the city and the two had plans to meet for lunch and some shopping. Issey lamented her growing belly and said she needed new clothes that fit. This way she figured she could get Dianna's great style advice without telling her they were really searching for a wedding dress.

"That's perfect on you, you look like a painting." Dianna gushed.

It was about the 50th dress Issey had gone through. She had bought plenty of other clothes as well, she would need them soon enough after all.

She looked at her reflection. The dress was an antique off white with netting on top in a tank design so it looked strapless at first glance. It had been embroidered with turquoise starfish and shells and was the perfect marriage of beach party casual and old world elegance. She knew she had found the dress in which she would say, "I do."

It was so tempting to tell Dianna why she wanted it but she held back. "It is nice isn't it?"

"Nice? It looks made for you. You should totally wear it to your house warming party, if my memory of the pictures you sent is correct this dress should be a wall hanging there."

"Funny I was thinking of it for exactly that day. It's not too spot on for a beach house?"

"You'll be the bell of the ball. I bet we can find just the right earrings and shoes too. Now what do you think of my wearing this?"

She held up a sunshine yellow eyelet dress with a matching floppy sunhat.

Issey made her try it on and agreed it was just the thing.

When they were exhausted from shopping they went to check on Darren's rehearsal. He was in his happy place, his light grey t shirt was dark with sweat, his black curls slightly unbent and plastered to his head. They were working on the drum transfer in Stutter where Darren leaves his guitar and (ostensibly) seamlessly takes over from Theo. She met Theo only hours ago but has heard about him plenty in recent days. Darren had been beside himself with joy that his friend was flying in from New York to play this set with him. The two were ridiculously in tune with each other in every way. The girls watched as Darren hopped into the kit like someone trading places at jump rope. He was grinning, orange guitar pick between his teeth.

"My fiancé is so dreamy." Dianna teased.

Issey realized she'd lost the thread of the conversation completely. "Sorry. But y'know, he really is."

Dianna watched him rip through a drum solo with gusto. "Yeah, he's kinda great. I'm really glad you guys worked things out. That whole Chris thing was weird."

"For us too but these things happen."

"To me he'll always be the slightly pudgy boy with the choir boy hair cut I met on the first day. This new sexified Chris scares me."

Issey chuckled. "Scares me too."

"Do you think he'll start dating girls now?"

"Probably not. I think I was an experiment." Issey answered without taking her eyes off Darren who was talking around the pick in his mouth, making her very nervous.

"More than that, things got kind of intense for a while."

Still Issey kept her eyes on Darren who had moved to the piano. Most of the guys had drifted off, the rehearsal winding down. Only Theo remained, moving cables and checking connections. "I know, I'm sorry it affected you guys-"She had meant to go on but Darren began playing around with "I Left My Heart In San Francisco" and pulled all of her focus.

Dianna tossed her hair and laughed. "Good grief you're in love. You can't even finish a thought."

"I love when he does this, starts a song and then completely reconstructs it on the fly. You're right; I'm stupid in love with him. I could spend hours just looking at the curve of his neck, write poems about the way his muscles move in his forearms when he plays music, all of it. I honestly can't get enough of him."

"He's such a positive person too, I love that about him, he doesn't let stuff eat him up."

"That's what he shows the world but he can have a pretty short fuse sometimes."

"Like when you crash a motorcycle after a night of partying with the guy you left him for?" Dianna raised her eyebrows at her. She'd had a drink or two while they sat there and it was lubricating her tongue.

"He was so pissed off. I was, am, really sorry I did that to him but in all honesty watching him get angry was really sexy."

"I'm not sure I can picture Darren really angry." Dianna's nose wrinkled as she considered it. "He must have been just play mad if you found it sexy."

"No, not play mad, oh, did you hear what he just did there? He's so good at this, um, what was I, oh, right, he was super mad. Like barely speaking mad."

"And you found this hot? If that were me and Chord I'd be so afraid that I was going to lose him over it."

Issey finally turned her full attention to her friend, "I'm not saying I like seeing him upset, and I'm really sorry that I did what I did, but watching the slow burn, I don't know, it's like, he's always so eager puppy, it was nice to see him completely collect himself. He was so contained, controlled…"

"And now I get the whole Chris thing."

"Meaning?"

"Meaning Chris is all control. He's completely internal, a challenge to break into so when Darren took on that same vibe you were excited." She leaned forward, warming to her theory.

Issey reflected on the day Chris put the chain around her neck, tie in the front, cuffs in the back and smiled, Dianna was closer than she knew.

"You're probably on the money there. After all I'm used to being in control at all times so having someone else take the reins once in awhile is a relief."

"Sharing the burden of decision making must be nice. I'd love to find someone that I can trust with that." For once the bright smile faded from her beautiful face.

"I thought you and Chord were doing well."

"Past tense. I don't know, he's a sweet enough boy but there's still a lot of boy left in him if you know what I mean. I'm ready to get a little more serious."

Darren had finished and was generally horsing around with his friends downstairs. Issey cast a glance in his direction and turned back to Dianna, "I think they always stay boys but as long as they man up when they need to that's the best we can hope for."

Darren noticed the bags filling the back of the car they'd borrowed from his mom. "You managed to find some clothes I see." He smiled as he climbed into the drivers seat. Does this mean I get a fashion show later?"

"Maybe, a partial one."

"Does that mean you found the dress?" He was genuinely excited.

"I did, first day of looking. I think it's perfect."

"Guess I'd better get on the ball with that huh?"

"It'll be harder for you I think. It's not that bad to find a dress that's summer pretty without being too dressy but guys are either super dressy or beach bum."

He leaned over to kiss her before starting the car. "Don't worry, I won't let you down. Can I ask what color it is so I can at least not clash?"

"Off white and the same blue green as our kitchen."

"Interesting choice. Hoping to be able to disappear into the decor if you change your mind?"

"You're not getting off the hook that easily pal."

"Good. I plan to stay on that hook for a lifetime."

While Darren was in the shower Issey called Cerina into his parents bedroom to show her the dress. Cerina agreed it was lovely, she grew less concerned about the rushing of the wedding with each day she spent around the couple.

"You can't crush that into a suitcase, besides Darren's likely to find it if you keep it with you. Let me keep it here and I'll bring it with me when I come to the wedding."

Issey hugged her, the process of movement becoming easier each day. "Would you? I couldn't figure out how I was going to keep it from him."

"Of course! Hold on now, I think I have just the thing to go with it." Cerina dug through her mahogany jewelry box and retrieved a delicate gold bracelet with small coral stones. She placed it on Issey's wrist. "Of course if it isn't your style you don't have to, please don't feel you need to appease me. I it's thought-"

"It's absolutely perfect. I looked for something just like this today but couldn't find a thing. I promise you'll get it back after the wedding. We're not much for tradition but this can be my something borrowed."

Cerina sat on the bed and motioned for Issey to join her. She took the bracelet from her wrist to send with the dress. "Not borrowed, it's your something old. My great grandmother had nothing of value, she worked for a wealthy family and on her wedding day the lady of the house pulled her aside and gave her this to wear. She told her that it had been passed down in her family daughter to daughter but her daughters had become spoiled and unappreciative so she was going to give it to my great grandmother who had shown her more care and been a better companion than her own children."

"The money she could have made from selling this bracelet would have meant financial security for her family for a long time but she respected the tradition and it has been passed down in our family since. I am the first to not have a daughter but on your wedding day you will become my daughter and happily, the bracelet will be yours."

Issey was sniffling, her eyes red. I don't know if Darren told you, we aren't really sharing this yet because it isn't official but I believe your granddaughter just heard the story of her bracelet for the first time." She patted her belly.

"A girl? Oh I'm so glad. I love my boys but it will be so nice to have a granddaughter to spoil. Is it one granddaughter or two?"

"One. In fact we know for certain we have one boy, they believe the other is a girl but I won't know for sure until my doctor appointment later this week."

"We'll be thrilled whatever they are but try to think girl for me, I'd love to buy little dresses and cute shoes."

An hour before the show they were surprised to find Chuck had flown in to see his little brother's show. Issey wasn't sure Darren could get any happier. He and Chuck had their own language shorthand, talking fast and in almost half words. While Darren had seemed to be visiting home before Chuck's arrival somehow changed him to being AT home.

Given the backlash toward Issey online she chose to watch the show with his parents from a family box up and away from the crowd.

She didn't think she'd ever be immune to his magic when he stepped on stage not as Blaine but as Darren. It occurred to Issey that until she met Darren she had never, even as a young teen, seen a concert she didn't edit and fix in her mind. She could always see the holes, the mistakes in lighting, the better choreography, a more appropriate set design, missed opportunities to give songs the impact they lacked and most glaringly, the vocal weaknesses and errors made by those running the audio board.

Friends in high school wouldn't invite her to concerts knowing when they were driving home on a post live show high Is would bring everyone down by pointing out things they neither noticed not cared about.

Broadway shows when she was in college fell to the same fate. Her contemporaries would leave the theater humming the tunes and wishing it was them on the great white way but Issey would be thinking (she'd learned not to vocalize it) how the female lead had a weak middle voice and the blocking in the second act was sloppy and distracting.

As much as she loved music and shows she could not remember ever seeing a show she just sat back and enjoyed without her mind throwing red flags from every direction.

Enter Darren. Issey realized as she watched him discuss the heat and how much he was likely to sweat with the faces shining up at him that this is something she could not teach, this ability to make each person in the room feel as if they were welcome in us living room, like they were friends hanging out and having a beer together and oh, hey let me play this song for you and tell me what you think of it.

Every song had impact not because the filter colors on the key light was well chosen or the orchestration was perfectly on point but because Darren himself was honest in his performance.

If anyone else in the world could understand the way her mind worked she would be able to point to him on stage telling a story about making a fool of himself in front of some girl when he lived in Italy and say, "There. That is why I love him." But no one would ever understand because they hadn't seen the world as a laundry list of issues she needed to correct until finally finding a raw emotional honesty she could connect to, let go and just let wash over her.

He invited Chuck on stage and both parents hooted and called out support for their eldest son. Darren quipped a quick thanks to his parents for their cheers for Chuck before the brothers sat on side by side stools and played a song dedicated to their father.

Cerina took Issey's hand and squeezed. The brothers together were really something to see and hear. Darren looked to Chuck frequently with a wide grin, so excited to have his big bro by his side. Chuck was more serious in his approach but still the boys would rear their heads back in unison, or dip their china at the exact same moment.

Issey wondered if her twins would be as in sync with each other as their father and uncle. She also couldn't help but visualize the brothers sitting on the deck of their home many years from now, playing tunes on their guitars and chatting amiably about the wild old days. She couldn't keep the smile from her face.

As the show drew to a close she texted Darren letting him know she was feeling a little over tired and nauseous and would be heading home with his parents but he was brilliant and should stay out and celebrate his triumphant return home with his brother and friends.

She was in the backseat feeling a little like a child when he answered her

D: you ok? I'll come home.

She responded letting him know it was just a long day and she'd feel horribly guilty if he missed out on a night out he deserved just to see her fall asleep.

He finally caved and agreed he'd go have a good time and would get a cab home with Chuck later.

It was after four when he tried and failed to slip quietly into his old bedroom. He knocked over a stack of notebooks with lyrics scribbled in them from the time he was 12 on.

"Shhh!" He drunkenly admonished the books then giggled at himself. He removed his shirt with moderate difficulty getting the buttons caught briefly on his nose before clawing his way out. It was the final tug on his jeans though that sent him reeling around the room trying to maintain his balance.

Issey had been feigning sleep until then but couldn't help but laugh loudly at his arms windmilling desperately in the air.

He steadied himself against a dresser and turned to her,

"Faker."

"Drunky." She retorted.

"I'm gonna show you what happens to fakers." He said, trying to be sexy but it was more humorous than sexy when his lunge for the bed resulted in a sideways stumble to the wrong side of the room.

"You gotta catch me first. Wake me if you ever find the bed." She gave an exaggerated stretch and yawn and mostly shut her eyes.

"It's not fair, stop spinning!" He shouted.

A quick knock at the door preceded a loud whisper from Chuck, "Bro take it down to 11, it's the middle of the night."

Darren whispered back but his whisper was more of a growl, clearly he'd lost all control over his volume, "Groovy, you got it man. Fuck. Hey Chuck?"

Chuck pushed the door open a fraction, "Shhh. Yeah?"

"I love you bro." Darren lurched forward to hug him but missed.

"Okay , let's get you into bed before you hurt yourself."

Darren immediately collapsed onto Chuck and allowed himself to be half carried to the bed.

Issey sat up to help him lay Darren down and thanked Chuck for the assist.

When they were alone Darren started sloppily kissing Issey's neck. "Did you like the show tonight Babe?"

She started to tell him she did, she'd been waiting for him to come home and let her cash in on the perks of being the one sleeping with the hot dude on stage but before she could get the words out he was snoring disconcertingly with his face smashed against her collarbone.


	14. Chapter 14

Staying with Darren's parents turned out to be a fantastic idea. Mama Criss pampered her and made sure she was well fed and rested. Papa Criss taught her a few truly scrumptious recipes to try in her new kitchen AND took them shopping for all the right tools for making the meals they would love.

San Francisco was a design paradise where they easily found window treatments and bedding for every room that still needed it. Issey found chairs and foot rests she had to have.

At night they played cards or watched home movies of the boys when they were little. Issey felt so accepted and at home she didn't want to leave.

The afternoon of the show Issey went into town with Darren when he set out for rehearsal. Dianna was also in the city and the two had plans to meet for lunch and some shopping. Issey lamented her growing belly and said she needed new clothes that fit. This way she figured she could get Dianna's great style advice without telling her they were really searching for a wedding dress.

"That's perfect on you, you look like a painting." Dianna gushed.

It was about the 50th dress Issey had gone through. She had bought plenty of other clothes as well, she would need them soon enough after all.

She looked at her reflection. The dress was an antique off white with netting on top in a tank design so it looked strapless at first glance. It had been embroidered with turquoise starfish and shells and was the perfect marriage of beach party casual and old world elegance. She knew she had found the dress in which she would say, "I do."

It was so tempting to tell Dianna why she wanted it but she held back. "It is nice isn't it?"

"Nice? It looks made for you. You should totally wear it to your house warming party, if my memory of the pictures you sent is correct this dress should be a wall hanging there."

"Funny I was thinking of it for exactly that day. It's not too spot on for a beach house?"

"You'll be the bell of the ball. I bet we can find just the right earrings and shoes too. Now what do you think of my wearing this?"

She held up a sunshine yellow eyelet dress with a matching floppy sunhat.

Issey made her try it on and agreed it was just the thing.

When they were exhausted from shopping they went to check on Darren's rehearsal. He was in his happy place, his light grey t shirt was dark with sweat, his black curls slightly unbent and plastered to his head. They were working on the drum transfer in Stutter where Darren leaves his guitar and (ostensibly) seamlessly takes over from Theo. She met Theo only hours ago but has heard about him plenty in recent days. Darren had been beside himself with joy that his friend was flying in from New York to play this set with him. The two were ridiculously in tune with each other in every way. The girls watched as Darren hopped into the kit like someone trading places at jump rope. He was grinning, orange guitar pick between his teeth.

"My fiancé is so dreamy." Dianna teased.

Issey realized she'd lost the thread of the conversation completely. "Sorry. But y'know, he really is."

Dianna watched him rip through a drum solo with gusto. "Yeah, he's kinda great. I'm really glad you guys worked things out. That whole Chris thing was weird."

"For us too but these things happen."

"To me he'll always be the slightly pudgy boy with the choir boy hair cut I met on the first day. This new sexified Chris scares me."

Issey chuckled. "Scares me too."

"Do you think he'll start dating girls now?"

"Probably not. I think I was an experiment." Issey answered without taking her eyes off Darren who was talking around the pick in his mouth, making her very nervous.

"More than that, things got kind of intense for a while."

Still Issey kept her eyes on Darren who had moved to the piano. Most of the guys had drifted off, the rehearsal winding down. Only Theo remained, moving cables and checking connections. "I know, I'm sorry it affected you guys-"She had meant to go on but Darren began playing around with "I Left My Heart In San Francisco" and pulled all of her focus.

Dianna tossed her hair and laughed. "Good grief you're in love. You can't even finish a thought."

"I love when he does this, starts a song and then completely reconstructs it on the fly. You're right; I'm stupid in love with him. I could spend hours just looking at the curve of his neck, write poems about the way his muscles move in his forearms when he plays music, all of it. I honestly can't get enough of him."

"He's such a positive person too, I love that about him, he doesn't let stuff eat him up."

"That's what he shows the world but he can have a pretty short fuse sometimes."

"Like when you crash a motorcycle after a night of partying with the guy you left him for?" Dianna raised her eyebrows at her. She'd had a drink or two while they sat there and it was lubricating her tongue.

"He was so pissed off. I was, am, really sorry I did that to him but in all honesty watching him get angry was really sexy."

"I'm not sure I can picture Darren really angry." Dianna's nose wrinkled as she considered it. "He must have been just play mad if you found it sexy."

"No, not play mad, oh, did you hear what he just did there? He's so good at this, um, what was I, oh, right, he was super mad. Like barely speaking mad."

"And you found this hot? If that were me and Chord I'd be so afraid that I was going to lose him over it."

Issey finally turned her full attention to her friend, "I'm not saying I like seeing him upset, and I'm really sorry that I did what I did, but watching the slow burn, I don't know, it's like, he's always so eager puppy, it was nice to see him completely collect himself. He was so contained, controlled…"

"And now I get the whole Chris thing."

"Meaning?"

"Meaning Chris is all control. He's completely internal, a challenge to break into so when Darren took on that same vibe you were excited." She leaned forward, warming to her theory.

Issey reflected on the day Chris put the chain around her neck, tie in the front, cuffs in the back and smiled, Dianna was closer than she knew.

"You're probably on the money there. After all I'm used to being in control at all times so having someone else take the reins once in awhile is a relief."

"Sharing the burden of decision making must be nice. I'd love to find someone that I can trust with that." For once the bright smile faded from her beautiful face.

"I thought you and Chord were doing well."

"Past tense. I don't know, he's a sweet enough boy but there's still a lot of boy left in him if you know what I mean. I'm ready to get a little more serious."

Darren had finished and was generally horsing around with his friends downstairs. Issey cast a glance in his direction and turned back to Dianna, "I think they always stay boys but as long as they man up when they need to that's the best we can hope for."

Darren noticed the bags filling the back of the car they'd borrowed from his mom. "You managed to find some clothes I see." He smiled as he climbed into the drivers seat. Does this mean I get a fashion show later?"

"Maybe, a partial one."

"Does that mean you found the dress?" He was genuinely excited.

"I did, first day of looking. I think it's perfect."

"Guess I'd better get on the ball with that huh?"

"It'll be harder for you I think. It's not that bad to find a dress that's summer pretty without being too dressy but guys are either super dressy or beach bum."

He leaned over to kiss her before starting the car. "Don't worry, I won't let you down. Can I ask what color it is so I can at least not clash?"

"Off white and the same blue green as our kitchen."

"Interesting choice. Hoping to be able to disappear into the decor if you change your mind?"

"You're not getting off the hook that easily pal."

"Good. I plan to stay on that hook for a lifetime."

While Darren was in the shower Issey called Cerina into his parents bedroom to show her the dress. Cerina agreed it was lovely, she grew less concerned about the rushing of the wedding with each day she spent around the couple.

"You can't crush that into a suitcase, besides Darren's likely to find it if you keep it with you. Let me keep it here and I'll bring it with me when I come to the wedding."

Issey hugged her, the process of movement becoming easier each day. "Would you? I couldn't figure out how I was going to keep it from him."

"Of course! Hold on now, I think I have just the thing to go with it." Cerina dug through her mahogany jewelry box and retrieved a delicate gold bracelet with small coral stones. She placed it on Issey's wrist. "Of course if it isn't your style you don't have to, please don't feel you need to appease me. I it's thought-"

"It's absolutely perfect. I looked for something just like this today but couldn't find a thing. I promise you'll get it back after the wedding. We're not much for tradition but this can be my something borrowed."

Cerina sat on the bed and motioned for Issey to join her. She took the bracelet from her wrist to send with the dress. "Not borrowed, it's your something old. My great grandmother had nothing of value, she worked for a wealthy family and on her wedding day the lady of the house pulled her aside and gave her this to wear. She told her that it had been passed down in her family daughter to daughter but her daughters had become spoiled and unappreciative so she was going to give it to my great grandmother who had shown her more care and been a better companion than her own children."

"The money she could have made from selling this bracelet would have meant financial security for her family for a long time but she respected the tradition and it has been passed down in our family since. I am the first to not have a daughter but on your wedding day you will become my daughter and happily, the bracelet will be yours."

Issey was sniffling, her eyes red. I don't know if Darren told you, we aren't really sharing this yet because it isn't official but I believe your granddaughter just heard the story of her bracelet for the first time." She patted her belly.

"A girl? Oh I'm so glad. I love my boys but it will be so nice to have a granddaughter to spoil. Is it one granddaughter or two?"

"One. In fact we know for certain we have one boy, they believe the other is a girl but I won't know for sure until my doctor appointment later this week."

"We'll be thrilled whatever they are but try to think girl for me, I'd love to buy little dresses and cute shoes."

An hour before the show they were surprised to find Chuck had flown in to see his little brother's show. Issey wasn't sure Darren could get any happier. He and Chuck had their own language shorthand, talking fast and in almost half words. While Darren had seemed to be visiting home before Chuck's arrival somehow changed him to being AT home.

Given the backlash toward Issey online she chose to watch the show with his parents from a family box up and away from the crowd.

She didn't think she'd ever be immune to his magic when he stepped on stage not as Blaine but as Darren. It occurred to Issey that until she met Darren she had never, even as a young teen, seen a concert she didn't edit and fix in her mind. She could always see the holes, the mistakes in lighting, the better choreography, a more appropriate set design, missed opportunities to give songs the impact they lacked and most glaringly, the vocal weaknesses and errors made by those running the audio board.

Friends in high school wouldn't invite her to concerts knowing when they were driving home on a post live show high Is would bring everyone down by pointing out things they neither noticed not cared about.

Broadway shows when she was in college fell to the same fate. Her contemporaries would leave the theater humming the tunes and wishing it was them on the great white way but Issey would be thinking (she'd learned not to vocalize it) how the female lead had a weak middle voice and the blocking in the second act was sloppy and distracting.

As much as she loved music and shows she could not remember ever seeing a show she just sat back and enjoyed without her mind throwing red flags from every direction.

Enter Darren. Issey realized as she watched him discuss the heat and how much he was likely to sweat with the faces shining up at him that this is something she could not teach, this ability to make each person in the room feel as if they were welcome in us living room, like they were friends hanging out and having a beer together and oh, hey let me play this song for you and tell me what you think of it.

Every song had impact not because the filter colors on the key light was well chosen or the orchestration was perfectly on point but because Darren himself was honest in his performance.

If anyone else in the world could understand the way her mind worked she would be able to point to him on stage telling a story about making a fool of himself in front of some girl when he lived in Italy and say, "There. That is why I love him." But no one would ever understand because they hadn't seen the world as a laundry list of issues she needed to correct until finally finding a raw emotional honesty she could connect to, let go and just let wash over her.

He invited Chuck on stage and both parents hooted and called out support for their eldest son. Darren quipped a quick thanks to his parents for their cheers for Chuck before the brothers sat on side by side stools and played a song dedicated to their father.

Cerina took Issey's hand and squeezed. The brothers together were really something to see and hear. Darren looked to Chuck frequently with a wide grin, so excited to have his big bro by his side. Chuck was more serious in his approach but still the boys would rear their heads back in unison, or dip their china at the exact same moment.

Issey wondered if her twins would be as in sync with each other as their father and uncle. She also couldn't help but visualize the brothers sitting on the deck of their home many years from now, playing tunes on their guitars and chatting amiably about the wild old days. She couldn't keep the smile from her face.

As the show drew to a close she texted Darren letting him know she was feeling a little over tired and nauseous and would be heading home with his parents but he was brilliant and should stay out and celebrate his triumphant return home with his brother and friends.

She was in the backseat feeling a little like a child when he answered her

D: you ok? I'll come home.

She responded letting him know it was just a long day and she'd feel horribly guilty if he missed out on a night out he deserved just to see her fall asleep.

He finally caved and agreed he'd go have a good time and would get a cab home with Chuck later.

It was after four when he tried and failed to slip quietly into his old bedroom. He knocked over a stack of notebooks with lyrics scribbled in them from the time he was 12 on.

"Shhh!" He drunkenly admonished the books then giggled at himself. He removed his shirt with moderate difficulty getting the buttons caught briefly on his nose before clawing his way out. It was the final tug on his jeans though that sent him reeling around the room trying to maintain his balance.

Issey had been feigning sleep until then but couldn't help but laugh loudly at his arms windmilling desperately in the air.

He steadied himself against a dresser and turned to her,

"Faker."

"Drunky." She retorted.

"I'm gonna show you what happens to fakers." He said, trying to be sexy but it was more humorous than sexy when his lunge for the bed resulted in a sideways stumble to the wrong side of the room.

"You gotta catch me first. Wake me if you ever find the bed." She gave an exaggerated stretch and yawn and mostly shut her eyes.

"It's not fair, stop spinning!" He shouted.

A quick knock at the door preceded a loud whisper from Chuck, "Bro take it down to 11, it's the middle of the night."

Darren whispered back but his whisper was more of a growl, clearly he'd lost all control over his volume, "Groovy, you got it man. Fuck. Hey Chuck?"

Chuck pushed the door open a fraction, "Shhh. Yeah?"

"I love you bro." Darren lurched forward to hug him but missed.

"Okay , let's get you into bed before you hurt yourself."

Darren immediately collapsed onto Chuck and allowed himself to be half carried to the bed.

Issey sat up to help him lay Darren down and thanked Chuck for the assist.

When they were alone Darren started sloppily kissing Issey's neck. "Did you like the show tonight Babe?"

She started to tell him she did, she'd been waiting for him to come home and let her cash in on the perks of being the one sleeping with the hot dude on stage but before she could get the words out he was snoring disconcertingly with his face smashed against her collarbone.


	15. Chapter 15

"I needed this day." Lucy stretched her legs in front of her pointing her toes.

Chuck passed her a beer from the cooler and handed one to Darren as well.

"I'm so glad you decided to come, I was starting to feel outnumbered with the boys." Issey accepted the water bottle Chuck offered, noting with a smile that he'd added a slice if lime to her bottle just as he had to their beer.

"I don't remember the last time I was on a boat, but I know it wasn't anything nearly as nice as this." Lucy clinked her bottle against Issey's.

The apartment was empty, it was their last day in Boston and to celebrate they had rented a private yacht. It was late summer and their wasn't a cloud in the sky.

The two couples relaxed in the sun, telling stories, the brothers trying to top each other with stupid things they'd done, the girls mostly hiding their rolling eyes behind sunglasses and laughing at them.

When the fellas went below deck to grab something to eat Lucy rolled over to tan her back and noticed Issey was still wearing her sundress.

"Aren't you hot? How can you stand to keep a cover up on?" Lucy herself was wearing a navy bikini with pink piping, nothing flash but she looked gorgeous.

"I'm okay, this is as stripped down as I'm ready to be in public." Issey self consciously adjusted her dress.

"I wouldn't want to make you uncomfortable but this isn't exactly public." Lucy let that hang a second then thought better of it. "I'll shut up, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything. I just want you to know you can be yourself with us."

"Don't apologize, I appreciate the encouragement. The in public thing is just an excuse, it's me, I tried putting on a swimsuit but I just hated the way I look in it so much I couldn't stand to look at myself."

Lucy sat up and faced Issey, "That breaks my heart. I want to tell you to be proud of taking control of your health and your life and being brave for your kids but if I put myself in your shoes I guess I can see how it might feel to look so different than you're used to."

Issey smiled a little sadly, "I did what had to be done, there's nothing to proud of or ashamed of, it is what is is and I'm very lucky we caught it and my kids are healthy and I have a man who loves and supports me and makes me feel sexy when I think I'll never be able to feel like anything but a medical patient again. "

Issey said all of this with her face turned into the sun, feeding off its power allowing it to bathe her in its glow but now she pulled her entire body inward, not just sitting up but closing in on herself.

"You know all of those things, you believe them and they sustain you but then these little moments come along, like stepping into a cold shower you expect to be hot. They shock you, hurt you, stun you. They make you close yourself up and become all about self preservation. "

Lucy reached out and took Issey's hand, a tear sliding down her cheek that she didn't bother to wipe away. Issey accepted the comfort but didn't face Lucy.

She swallowed and continued. "They come out of nowhere. I was looking at baby furniture and got to talking with the sales girl, she was a young thing, just had a baby. She started showing me all this stuff and then asked if I planned on breast feeding. I didn't know how to answer without giving her my whole sob story so I told her yes then acted like I had an appointment and ran to the car. I cried for a half hour. Never told Darren, he'd try to make it better but you can't, you can't change it, it just is. I'm guessing Chuck told you the truth about our housewarming?"

For a moment Lucy tried to arrange her face into a mask of innocence but abandoned the charade when Issey turned a raised eyebrow in her direction.

"He did, I swear I won't tell a soul."

Issey only nodded as if this had been a forgone conclusion. "I went shopping for the dress with Dianna thinking it would be fun to have a friend with me, which it was, I mean we had a good time and she really helped me find the right silhouette but she's so positive, it was kind of hard to say, 'I feel like crap in this, my body isn't feminine enough for this.' Then she pulls a dress off the rack slips it over her head, no bra by the way, and boom, perfection."

Lucy fell back into her chair, "Ugh, I hate her."

Issey gave her a genuine smile, "No you don't, it's not her fault she's sweet and beautiful and...perky."

"Okay, I don't hate her but when pretty people are that nice I always feel like, sure, you can be nice, the world loves you. Cab drivers will always stop for you, people will let you cut in the grocery store, you will never, ever have to bring money to a bar and you will always have drink in front of you."

Now Issey laughed and stretched back onto her chair , hiking her dress to tan her thighs. "Oh Lucy, be my new best friend?"

"Dork" Lucy teased, then added, "deal."

Lucy went back on her belly and Issey thought she fell asleep but then without lifting her head she asked quietly, "If we're bff's can I ask you something really personal."

"Go for it"

"Do you miss them? I mean obviously you do but during...when you and Darren are..."

"Oh, yeah, I mean its not slowing us down but sure, I miss that part."

"This is awful to say but I kind feel like it would be a little good to force them to be a little more creative, is that stupid?"

Issey barked a laugh, "It's true! He has to rethink all his moves, that's been kinda cool. I just wish it was temporary."

"Like you could remove them for running then put them back on to jump into a bikini and make guys drool?"

"Exactly!"

Chuck came above board with a big platter of fruit, cheese and crackers for the group to share. Darren came behind him with a smaller plate just for Issey.

"I made you your own so the calories are counted and the carbs and proteins are balanced."

He set it down in front of her, Greek yogurt with honey, a bowl of strawberries and blueberries, and a handful of almonds.

"If you're hungrier then that I can add some whole grain toast and almond butter, or you can have some cheese but I know you weren't really feeling the cheese thing before."

"This is perfect, thank you love"

Chuck settled on the edge of Lucy's deck chair and popped a slice of apple into his mouth, "What was so funny when we came up?"

"Girl talk."

"Talking about us bro."

"Lucy kicked at him,"Thats boy talk, this was serious girl stuff."

Darren shrugged, he was happy Issey was relaxed and enjoying herself, nothing else mattered much.

They'd been fighting for most of the time since the doctor told her he didn't think going to New York was a good idea. Darren was determined to get out of the show and she was adamant that he would do it. They'd gone round and round with no decent solution, still not having put the issue to rest but tabling it for their day in the sun.

Chuck told them about how close he was to finishing his album, Lucy bragged about how brilliant it was. It was sweet to see them, they fit together perfectly. Issey thought briefly how well Mia must have figured into this little foursome but when Darren absently rubbed her shoulder while talking guitar licks with his brother she realized she was doing alright herself.

"I'm sweating my balls off, I'm jumping in." Darren declared suddenly.

"I'm in!" Chuck tossed his shades aside and headed for the back of the boat.

"I'll stay here, you guys go ahead." Lucy kept an eye on Issey.

"Go with them, it's too hot up here. I'm going below to cool off and take a nap."

"You sure?"

Darren doubled back for a towel, "Babe why don't you come in? The scars are healed, it should be good for you."

"Uh uh, I'm heading down into the shade for a nap."

Lucy joined Chuck and Darren sat next to Issey. "I wish you'd come swim for just a little while. You love being in the ocean."

"When we're home. My cuts from the accident still sting and I'm not sure I could haul myself up onto the dive platform from the water."

"I'll stay with you then, Chuck and Luce could probably use a little alone time anyway."

"Get out of my hair." She said rubbing her nose against his, "Go swim, find me a dolphin or something."

He kissed her then used his hand to shield his eyes from the sun. "I love you." His face was so serious she knew he was thinking about the fight they'd had that morning.

"I love you too. Really, Papa Bear, we'll figure it out. It'll be fine."

Satisfied he went for his swim and she went down to the cool dark cabin below deck. It was quiet but she could occasionally hear hoots of laughter from the gang in the water. She lied when she said she wanted a nap, she wasn't tired, no more than usual, but there had been a whole lot of togetherness since Darren had come home from the tour and she was learning to appreciate the little moments to herself.

She talked to the twins for a bit, nothing specific just little things that she wanted to do with them and show them, things about their family and how lucky they would be.

A thought kept nibbling at the back of her mind though so she dug out her cell phone and found that she had bars. Ignoring the list of missed calls ( there were always so many) and email (even more of those) she dialed her oncologists office.

She gave the receptionist her name and birthdate and before she could tell her what was on her mind the girl jumped in.

"Thank you for returning our call so quickly. The doctor didn't want to worry you but did need to speak with you today. Can you hold?"

Issey said she could and frowned. What now?

The doctor came on the phone with an overly bright voice, "Isabelle, how are you feeling?"

"Not bad, I assume you got the information about the gestational diabetes."

"Yes, quite common I believe, particularly with twins. We should talk about your numbers though, I'd like you to email them to me once a week until your oncologist in California takes over."

"That's something I wanted to discuss with you. Darren and I will be spending the end of my pregnancy in New York and the OB/GYN believes I should have my entire team be the same throughout the pregnancy. I was wondering if you could recommend someone in the city I could fly out to regularly instead of seeing someone in California, or maybe in addition to."

There was silence on the other end of the phone for so long Issey thought perhaps the connection had dropped.

"Issey, I'm sorry, I assumed you spoke to my nurse before me."

"No, just reception. Am I missing something?"

"Your blood tests gave us reason to believe the cancer is advancing. We either didn't get it all or it has begun to spread. I need to to either meet with me or get to a new oncologist as soon as possible to discuss where we go from here."

It was Issey's turn to be silent.

"Isabelle? I know this isn't the news you wanted, but it's important to face this head on and as quickly as possible. We need to consider more than just the pregnancy now, we need to think ahead to your life expectancy beyond the next few months. How we react now will determine how much time you really have."

He heard a sob from the other end of the line. "Issey I'm so sorry. This isn't a death sentence, it doesn't have to be, but it is serious and I need you to be strong. Why don't you come into the office and we'll talk."

"I'm on a boat. We were having a celebration of our last day in Boston."

"I'll meet with you tonight. Will 7 pm in my office work?"

"Of course. Thank you so much, I really appreciate your making the time for me." Issey was sniffling but trying to pull it together.

She was determined not to bring the others down,it was a perfect day on the water. They had a wonderful early dinner planned and then Chuck and Lucy were going back to New York. Darren and Issey had booked a room in a hotel because they were flying out super early the next morning.

She dried her tears and made a decision, if she was facing a longer fight, if she was possibly going to lose her life, then fuck it she was going to enjoy what she had now.

She tugged on the bathing suit she'd dismissed earlier and climbed up into the sunshine.

Issey moved as quietly as possible,catching only Lucy's attention. Finger to her lips she got her message across and managed to jump into the water next to Darren surprising the hell out of him.

"Ah! You changed your mind!" He grabbed her around the waist and tugged her to him.

She kissed him hard before ducking under the water and swimming away. Darren gave chase and she let herself be tackled and tickled.

The foursome played, laughed and splashed until they were water logged and exhausted.

The captain piloted the boat to a floating restaurant where they retrieved their dinner and they ate a delicious meal on the top deck.

"I wish we could have stayed until later so we could see the sunset." Lucy mused. Darren offered to check to see if there was a later flight but Issey stopped him. "We have plans later." Was the only explanation she would give."

They dropped Chuck and Lucy at the Logan with lots of hugs and kisses and excitement that the next time they saw each other it would be for the wedding.

Issey insisted on driving as they headed back to the city. Darren was in a great mood, singing along with the radio, his bare feet on the dashboard of her car.

She turned the knob lowering the volume of the Billy Joel song he'd been belting out.

"You're going to need shoes. We have to swing by the doctors."

"Are they going to introduce us to the dietician?" He dug around the back seat for his topsiders.

"Wrong doctor. No. I talked to Dr. Minke, I was thinking maybe he could give us the name of an oncologist in New York but he had some news for me."

Darren stopped what he was doing , she had his full attention.

"What kind of news?"

"I've had better. He thinks the cancer is spreading, he wants to talk about additional testing and where we go from here." From the tone of her voice you would think she was talking about working on new vocals or something similarly mundane.

The color drained from his face, he stared at her unblinking but she continued driving stone faced.

"When did you find this out?"

She brought him up to date completely as they pulled into the parking lot of the medical center.

Issey unbuckled herself and shut off the car off but Darren made no move. "I'm scared. Aren't you scared?"

Facing him she took hold of his strong forearms. "I'm terrified but I want you to listen to me, we need to go in there with the same mindset. My first priority is our kids, anything they want to do no matter what they say about my chances I don't care, if it puts the babies at risk the answer is no."

"Keeping me alive until I can give them what I've already had, a chance to meet and feel the love of their father, for now that's my main goal"

Tears bathed Darren's face, wiping them away seemed futile. He captured her in an embrace and whispered into her hair, "I don't want to do this without you. Please don't give up, I, we need you."

"No one is giving up. The past few months, as rocky and crazy as they were, I got to experience a love and a happiness I never imagined. If I have to sacrifice myself now so that our kids can have that experience then so be it, but don't get me wrong, I'm going to fight like an animal to stay alive. After they're born if it isn't too late I'm going to try anything they can throw at me, I'm going to claw my way through this cancer and do everything possible to stay here with you guys but right now I need you to tell me you agree that we need to keep the kids safe."

He could only nod.

She cleaned the tears from her face, "thank you. I know you love me, and I know how hard this has to be for you but please believe me, if I have to make the choice I choose them, because they are our love brought to life. I can't ask you not to be sad but I do want you to carry with you that this is the right choice we're making."

He shook off the emotions that had taken over him. "We're making decisions before we even know what they're going to say. Lets go in."


	16. Chapter 16

Neither Issey nor Darren said much on the flight to Los Angeles. He held her hand and tried to start a conversation about how much Joey said he had accomplished on the house but their hearts weren't in it.

Issey felt the doctor was raising the alarm too early. More testing was required to find out if the cancer was truly spreading and none of the tests sounded especially safe for the pregnancy to her ears.

The pregnancy. That was what Dr. Minke had begun to say instead of the babies. Issey saw it as a way of dehumanizing them, to make them seem like part of a medical puzzle and less like her children. Darren thought this was just paranoia on Issey's part but made the wise choice to keep that opinion to himself. The time had come to pick his battles and he was going for the larger win. Issey needed to give in to the test that was least likely to affect the twins.

They had agreed to see the oncologist in Los Angeles for a second opinion and to let the matter rest until they had. The conversation around it might have been halted but both of their minds were haunted by the possibilities.

Fortunately for them Rhiana had arrived at LAX on a flight only moments before them so the paparazzi were otherwise engaged. Joey picked them up without incident and chattered all the way to Malibu. He had no idea about the oncologists call and in some ways both Darren and Issey envied his easy occupation with the things he thought mattered to them.

"Contractors only cleared out a day ago so I haven't gotten too far with the living room but the kitchen is exactly how you wanted it." He trailed off finally, noticing his excitement wasn't being met at a similar level.

"Everything okay?"

Issey spoke up quickly cutting Darren off. "Fine, we're just beat, had a whole day on the water yesterday and the flight was so fucking early this morning we just need to crash for awhile. Thank you so much for all you've done for us though, I know we're not saying much but we really appreciate all the work you've put into this."

He had done a great job with the house, nearly everything was exactly how Issey had pictured it in her mind.

"Your bed is here, the linens are still in the boxes they sent them in, I know you wanted to do that yourselves." Joey let them know before offering to make them breakfast, it was still before 9 am California time.

Fortunately the days between their homecoming and the appointment with the new oncologist were busy ones leaving little time for obsessing.

They got the house in good order, getting further along than they anticipated.

Darren claimed to have found an outfit for the wedding, they created playlists of music to use through their sound system which had speakers both inside the house and out. Issey met with a florist to design arrangements for the house and to be placed outside where they intended to hold the short ceremony.

In addition to wedding tasks work had begun for Glee. The first script was in. Darren had read throughs and choreography sessions at all hours. Issey studied the song lists and saw each cast member privately first to brush up on basics before bring people together to work on actual songs.

Darren had originally scheduled himself time to be at the doctor with her but the infamously ever changing Glee schedule reared it's ugly head and he ended up not being able to go.

Issey wanted company, something new for her but she'd begun to grow used to and even learned to enjoy the constant companionship. Chris had the day off but she decided it was time to give that relationship a little breathing room. Instead she called someone she knew was in town and hoped wouldn't find the situation too awkward.

"Issey?"

"Hi, is this a good time?"

"Sure. Is something wrong?"

"Not, not really. Look this might be weird but I don't have a ton of non-Glee friends here and I knew you were in town...I mean I know we aren't really friend friends but..."

"Babe, I'm your friend. I thought we had that on lock. What do you need?"

Issey had to smile. She hoped she'd have half the grace Mia did if the roles were reversed. "I've got an oncology appointment today and I don't really want to go alone, if you aren't busy I'd welcome some company."

Mia was happy to oblige, suggesting they plan lunch after the appointment to have time to catch up before the wedding.

Dr. Burchstead was a sturdy Middle Ages woman with long graying hair held in a bun by what appeared to be magic. Like most doctors she was authoritative and direct.

"I think the best course of action would be radiation, but as you are pregnant that is not an option."

The word pregnant gave Issey some absurd sense of relief.

"My guess is that the cancer is spreading in the chest wall, or further into the lymphatic system. Because you have breast cancer during pregnancy your increase in estrogen almost feeds the cancer. I could order a biopsy and more drastic tests but I've been dealing specifically with breast cancer for most of my practice and have had very few pregnant women metastasize beyond the local area if we treat it with chemotherapy. You are in your second trimester so there is no reason not to begin small dose chemotherapy."

"And there's zero risk to the babies from that?"

"Nothing is 100 percent safe for anyone. We will use small doses, we will use only drugs that have been tested in pregnancy situations. There is a chance of low birth weight and early arrival, with twins you already run that risk so we're going to keep a close eye on you throughout the process. let me know you're planning on seeing Dr. Chandravarti as your OB/GYN have you seen her yet?"

"Tomorrow."

"She's wonderful, we've worked together before."

Dr. B sat on her stool and rolled closer to Issey placing a hand on her knee, "You're going to be sick, you're going to be miserable, you're going to curse all the things you can't do right now and you're going to cry your eyes out when no one is looking but when you hold your daughter and son in your arms and they smile up at you I promise you every second of the struggle will be worth it.

There are no guarantees is life, after the babies are here we may have to get much more aggressive with your treatment but you've got something worth fighting for so tell me right now, are you ready to fight for your life?"

"I'm ready. For mine, for them, for Darren." She cast an apologetic look toward Mia who was surreptitiously wiping her eyes.

"Having people to fight for is useful, and we're gonna use everything we've got but Isabelle, you need to fight for YOU first and everyone else second. You can spend your whole life putting other people's needs ahead of your own but if there's ever been a time to be selfish it's now."

The doctor wanted her to begin Chemo that week but Issey asked if they couldn't put it off until the following week. She didn't want to say anything about the wedding, the more people who knew the more likely the word would get out but Dr. B took things very seriously and just any excuse wouldn't fly. Is finally broke down and told her and she agreed, for a few days she could be the glowing bride, then it was down to business.

Issey left the office elated. She was happy to have someone who had the same priorities as she did and who had experience with her exact issues. She was upbeat and ready for lunch but Mia was having a hard time being enthusiastic.

She hadn't heard about all of the extra issues and was deeply upset at all that had been happening.

Instead of allowing her to focus on the news Issey grilled her about how things had been going for her in New York.

Her band had disbanded, sort of, they still played the occassional gig but she had formed a new group, all women that included Charlene who Issey had met a few times before. Mia had high hopes for them, given that they were all a little more focused than some of the people in her last band.

When the subject of her love life came up Mia a said she hadn't taken up spinsterhood but there wasn't any one special guy at the moment.

Darren called her when she was home and let her know it would be a late night but wanted to know what the doctor said.

"All good things, I'll tell you when I see you." Was all she had time to say before he was called back.

She felt him climb into bed as quietly as he could and rolled over toward him stretching. "Don't bother, I'm up."

He laid down and held his arms open for her to settle against his chest as usual.

"I'm sorry you had to go alone today." He said kissing the side of her head.

"I didn't I called Mia and asked her to come with me."

She could feel the discomfort in his muscles. "Does that bother you?"

He frowned but shook his head a little as if trying to clear his mind, "No, not at all, it was just, unexpected. I want you guys to he friends, I just didn't realize you were that close."

"We weren't really hit I thought it might be a good opportunity to get a little closer. We had lunch after. I know it's a little odd but if we'd met another way we'd have been like sisters on day one. "

He stroked her back and hummed his agreement into her hair. "Tell me what the new doctor said."

She brought him up to date and he was skeptical about starting chemotherapy without any further testing but Issey seemed so comfortable with it he decided to trust her instincts.

Darren was able to make it to the OB/GYN the next day. did a thorough exam with an ultrasound. It was incredible seeing he much the twins moved around each time they got a peek.

The fact that she not only agreed with Dr. Burchsted's opinion but sung her praises as being the best of the best with this situation went a long way toward making Darren feel more secure with Issey's choice. He had questions about the Chemo which Issey assured him would be covered when she went for her first treatment.

Her sugar levels were slowly improving, Dr. C was happy with the progress in just a week.

They left the office with renewed hope.

"Wish I didn't have to be back on set, I'd like to spend today with you."

He kissed her at her car.

"I've got a full day myself lover boy. I have vocal rehearsals and I'm not sure if you remember but I'm getting married tomorrow, I have to pick up both of our families at the airport and make sure all the last minute details are attended to."

"Hmm, getting married you say? Lucky fellow." He leaned in for another kiss, she gave him a quick peck and whispered, "We've got someone filming us."

"Then let's make it good." He backed her against the car door and gave her a Hollywood worthy kiss.

Distracted throughout rehearsals Issey couldn't stop thinking about what she needed to do for the wedding. It was hard to remember to refer to it as "the housewarming" when she was around the others, she nearly slipped more than once.

No time to stop at home she headed directly to the airport from the studio. Her sister was first to arrive, entire entourage of husband and children in toe.

She kissed Issey's cheek, told her she was glowing and then immediately put her hand on Issey's stomach. Other than Darren and the doctors no one had done this and Issey was taken aback.

"What are you doing?"

"Saying hi to the kids, better get used to it, a pregnant belly is license for complete strangers to come up and grope your midsection."

"But I'm not even showing."

"Keep telling yourself that Sis." Sophie teased. Issey started to look down at herself but instead was enveloped in an accosting hug.

"Hi Dad!"

Her mother was next and to a Issey's amazement she went right for the belly as well.

There was no time to question it because they'd become a scene. Apparently they were the most interesting thing in the airport because Issey recognized a reporter for TMZ clicking away at them from baggage claim.

She herded everyone along and piled them in the van not relishing the turn around trip for her soon to be in laws.

The noise in the SUV was deafening, this had been the kids first plane ride and it had been a while since they'd seen Grandma and Grandpa so there was much excitement and talking over each other.

Sophie noticed her sister trying to block the mayhem and laughed, "You get used to it."

"If it was a rock band I wouldn't even notice, I guess I feel bad not hanging on their every word, they're so excited to share."

"They're excited about boogers, you learn to prioritize. So tell me, you nervous?"

"You know I am, I have no idea how to do this whole Mom thing."

"About the wedding stupid."

It hadn't even occurred to Issey to be nervous. "I hope everybody has a good time if that's what you mean."

"I mean are you getting cold feet, worried that he's getting cold feet, questioning your life and what's become of you, all that day before jitters thing."

She wasn't. Probably because with the health news, which they had decided not to share until after the wedding, tomorrow was the easiest thing on her plate.

Everyone was awed by the house. It was bigger by far than what they had grown up in and Issey had to admit it was extravagant.

"When you put down roots sweetheart you certainly don't mess around." her father told her beaming.

Her cell rang and she grabbed it.

"Hey it's Lucy, Chuck and I just got in and figured we'd wait for his parents and cab it out to the house to save you the trip.

Issey tried to explain that it was too far but they wouldn't have it so she told them she'd send a car service which they accepted.

She flopped onto the sofa in relief.

"When are you getting your hair and your nails done?" Sophie asked settling next to her.

"My... I hadn't planned on doing any of that."

She looked at her ragged nails, torn up and chipped from working around the house.

"You just bought yourself a few hours not having to pick up the Criss's, let's go now, I'll treat. It can be our mini bridal shower."

Getting pampered sounded too tempting to pass up and she really should look presentable at her own wedding so she agreed. Leaving the men to take care if the kids they took her mom along as well.

Hair first Issey went with a simple wash and Brazilian blow out. "Speaking of Brazilians anything you need to get waxed while we're here?" Sophie asked with a wink.

"Thank you for your disturbing interest in my body hair but I'm fine with just the hair on my head for today."

The beautician wrinkled her nose.

"Problem?" Issey asked just a little annoyed.

"Your eyebrows really could benefit from a little attention."

Issey had never had her eyebrows done in her life, she wasn't the type. Sophie snorted, "I didn't want to be the one to say it but good God please get them under control."

"I don't want them all red and puffy for the party tomorrow."

"No wax, just a few plucks, it will be fine, a little red for an hour that's all." The girl promised.

Issey Drew and released a deep breath and shut her eyes. "Fine, do what you have to do."

What she had thought would be an hour at the salon turned into 3. Panic set in as she realized Darren's family would be at the house by now and she hadn't been there to greet them.

Looking in the mirror as she paid (there was no way she was letting her sister pick up the sky high tab), Issey smiled to herself. "Totally worth it." She hadn't felt particularly beautiful in a long time but this was a strong start.

The kids were on the beach with Chuck and Lucy, the others sipping drinks on the patio when the ladies came home.

Cerina went straight for Issey's belly, "You popped!"

Everyone told her how pretty she looked, and how much they loved the house. Lucy ran up from where she'd been digging a moat for the kids sand castle and hugged her. "Some BFF you are going to the salon without me."

"You look like you've already been." Issey noted her trimmed hair and shiny toenails."

"Guilty. Can you have a glass of Champagne?"

"Doctor said I could but I'm saving it for tomorrow."

"Good thinking. Where's Darren?"

"Work I guess, haven't spoken to him in awhile."

After visiting with the families for a time Cerina pulled her into the house.

"I brought the dress with me, I was afraid to send it ages by now I'm a little worried, I think you should try it on."

Prayers were offered up as she tugged the dress on, if this didn't fit she was screwed.

"It's not bad." Cerina assessed.

"If breathing were optional it would be fine."

"Take it off so I can have a look at the seams."

Cerina assured her she could let it out enough to make it fit just right. She had made enough of Darren's costumes over the years to become a fairly accomplished seamstress.

"I'll need a needle and some matching thread if you don't have a machine, and if you have seam rippers that would help."

Issey didn't want her to have to do this by hand but the stores would be closing. Then she remembered something.

The phone rang four times, she was sure it would go to voicemail next but Chris picked up out of breath.

"Last night as a free woman and you're calling me, this can't be good."

"It's not, you have a sewing machine right ?"

"In the craft room, of course, why?"

She shared her dilemma and Chris jumped into action.

"I'll bring it over now."

"No, we'll come to you, do you have a lot of thread colors?"

"Way more than is natural. Are you sure you don't want me to come there?"

"It's too much to carry; we'll be there in an hour."

Darren had come in while she was on the phone, Cerina had gotten the dress into its dress bag before he saw it and slipped out of the room to give them their privacy. Darren didn't notice. He was wrapped around his bride to be, kissing her neck.

"Where are you off to?"

"Chris's, he's the only person I know with a sewing machine and the twins have decided that Mommy fitting into her wedding dress is overrated."

Darren palmed the bump that had seemed to appear overnight and smiled. "I have the feeling they're going to cause a lot more chaos that this in the years to come. I didn't know you could sew."

"I can't. Your mother thinks she can fix it. I hope she's right because otherwise I may be marrying you in a bathrobe."

"I'd go for naked but I'm not sure I want to share that much of you with our guests. Do you think you'll be long?"

"Ask your mother, I have no clue how long this kind of thing takes." She collected a few things to take with her then turned and cuddled into him. "You don't mind do you? I know my being at his house the night before our wedding isn't what you had in mind."

He kissed her in a way that suggested he'd like to delay her leaving a bit but then patted her behind, "Of course not. I want you to have the dress you want tomorrow so you can feel as beautiful as you always are to me. I talked to Joey, I'm going to crash in the guest house with him tonight but I'll be here when you get back to say goodnight."

"Really? Spending the night in separate beds? Isn't that a little traditional for our situation?"

"Maybe, but Joey wanted us to have a last night as buds, guy stuff you know?"

"So football on tv and scratching yourselves?"

"There's no football in August, but you do get the gist. I'm guessing cigars and scotch and anime marathons."

"Alright my love, just don't be hung over tomorrow or I might not say I do."

"Don't you worry Mama Bear, everything tomorrow will be right as rain."

"Don't say rain!"


	17. Chapter 17

Cerina and Issey had made the trip to fix the dress on their own. It turned out to be a much more simple operation than Issey had anticipated and by the time they said goodnight to Chris she again had the dress of her dreams.

Chris had pulled her aside while Cerina worked and gave her a box in silver wrapping paper. "I know you said no gifts but I made this so I don't think it counts."

She opened the box and pulled out a stuffed animal with a tail and three horns on its head. It wore a little black tux and held a single pink peonie made of paper. "You made me a sea monkey!"

"I knew you wanted one to attend your wedding so..."

She threw her arms around him thanking him as they hugged. "I've missed having you as a best friend."

"Me too."

"We need to find a way to hang out and not let it get weird because I meant it when I said I'd always want you in my life."

"I'm getting there. I'm meeting some really cool people and some super hot guys so I'm on the right track."

When they returned home the kids were in bed and the adults were all around the fire pit. Issey loved seeing their families mixed together as if they were one. Coming back to the new house felt for the first time like coming home.

After putting the dress upstairs she settled on a chaise with Darren. "Did you eat dinner?"

"Chris made us grilled chicken salads. Did everyone here eat?"

"We did. Did you remember to check the dressing for sugar?"

"It had more than I wanted so I had it without dressing."

He patted her thigh, "Good girl."

Joey, and Chuck gave Darren a look that suggested they were ready to take the party to the guesthouse. Darren told them to go ahead over, he had some stuff to grab first. He held Issey's hand as he stood to go inside, a subtle suggestion she should follow him. "Is the dress okay?"

"Your mom did a great job, I may have over sold it, I hope you aren't disappointed, it's not magical or anything, it's just an ordinary dress but I like it." "Once you're in it it will be magical and extraordinary."

"You're so corny."

"You love it."

"Guilty." Darren wrapped around her, "Can you believe it's actually happening tomorrow?"

"The only part that feels real is marrying you. The house, the party, they all feel like they belong to someone else. Like its a work event and at the end of the week we have to give it all back."

"I wouldn't care. As long as I get to keep you."

"My thoughts exactly. You want to know something strange?"

"You do know who you're talking to right?"

"Fair. I almost wish no one was coming tomorrow."

"Getting cold feet?"

"Almost the opposite. The weddings I've been to, it's like an excuse to have a party. You sit through the ceremony thinking, this is sweet but I can't wait to get to the bar."

"Sounds right."

"But marrying you feels so intimate, like making love, I almost don't want anyone else to be there. It isn't for the party, it isn't to parade our love for everyone to see. I almost don't even want the twins there. This isn't for them, it's just about you and I becoming one. Making that commitment, saying our vows to each other and that isn't anyone's business but ours. It's sacred."

"C'mere." He took her hand and sat on the bed. "If you want to do this privately we will. We can slip away into the front garden while everyone is enjoying themselves and then just make the announcement." She shook her head. "

Our families came all the way here, we can't do that to them." He kissed her hand. "You think about it tonight. I want you to feel right about whatever we do."

He went to have his last night as a free man and their parents turned in. Sophie, Issey and Lucy sat on the deck outside her bedroom until very late. "I can't believe how calm you are. The night before my wedding I was going out of my mind."

Issey nodded, "I remember. You called me 16 times to make sure I was going to remember to go to the church early and make sure the florist used the right shade of lilac bows on the flowers for the altar."

"Was it only 16?"

"For the ribbons, another 10 to see if I thought you needed to move a Uncle Jerry away from Aunt Mary's table so the great half dollar incident didn't destroy the happiest day of your life."

"The great half dollar incident?" Lucy asked. "Don't ask." Both sisters answered. "And you called me crying at 4:30 am to ask me if I thought you'd be left at the altar."

"I may have been a little drunk by then."

"I don't want to be a bridezilla but I know I'm going to want to have things a certain way if I ever get married." Lucy mused.

"If, please we're all three gonna be sisters inside a year." Sophie snorted.

"Hi, we met hours ago, you know nothing about my relationship but I like the way you think." Lucy lifted her glass in Sophie's direction.

"Weirdly she has a sixth sense about these sorts of things. I've never know her to be wrong." Sophie smiled smugly, "Welcome to the family, I'm the always right sister, Issey's the so relentless you let her think she's right just to shut her up sister and you can be the pretty baby sister everyone secretly loves the most."

"You mean the strange beatnik sister everyone thinks is loopy so they take care of her without her realizing it?"

"That's the one." Soph returned the salute with her own glass.

"I can live with that." Lucy drained her glass. "So tell the truth future sister in law, what are you secretly freaking out about?"

Issey took a moment to consider her perfectly polished toes in the moonlight. "Not one damn thing."

In the middle of the night Issey nuzzled into Darren's neck, her nose was cold and he was so warm. It took a little time before she realized he wasn't meant to be there. "Hey, what happened to your big boys night out?"

He touched her face with a fingertip."It was cool but I couldn't sleep. I kept thinking we don't know how many more nights we have lying next to each other. I'm not wasting any of them."

Issey tipped her head up for a kiss then curled back into him. After a few minutes of silence Darren's voice was hoarse, "I'm scared Is."

"Well, we do have a smorgasbord of things to be afraid of, you got one in particular on your mind?"

"The chemo. I know they're saying its safe for the babies and all but what if it isn't enough? What if this thing is spreading and we aren't aggressive enough to get rid of it?"

"I don't know." Issey played with his chest hair.

"I know it's selfish but laying in that bed alone I just couldn't stop thinking about how much I love you and you know I love these babies with my whole heart but I'm afraid of losing you. I don't think I'll be okay if I lose you." He thumbed the soft skin at the dip of her lower back. "How could I be their father if I can't imagine how I'd get up every morning?"

"We have a houseful of people that will be here tomorrow because they love us. If the worst happens you won't be alone, you'll have all the love and support of our family and friends. It's a good reason to share our wedding with them really."

"Yeah well" he rolled her into her back and hovered above her, his lips just a breath away from hers, "I don't want to share you with anyone. I want you all to myself. Forever."

"You really want to do this the morning of our wedding? The sun's coming up." She couldn't hide her smile but he couldn't see if from where he'd disappeared to under their sheets anyway.

The next time she woke it was to breakfast in bed. Darren set the tray between them and snatched a bite of toast. She started to get up, "What are you doing, we have guests downstairs. I gotta go make them breakfast."

His hand on her calf stopped her, "One more cook and our kitchen will explode. Your mother is making waffles, my father set up an omelet station and Soph is making bacon, sausage and ham to order."

"We have all of that in our kitchen? Like ingredients?"

"Apparently. Who knew?" He smiled at her, "Good morning my princess bride."

"Ugh, I hate that movie." She wrinkled her nose and took a sip of juice.

Darren lept from the bed, "Wedding Off!" She kicked out at him, trying for his butt, landing on his thigh,

"Get back here. I know, I'm the only person in the world who doesn't get it."

"You have watched it?"

"Of course. Every time I say I hate it someone forces me to watch it with them like maybe I saw a different movie before or I watched it wrong."

"I'm fighting the urge to bust it out right now."

"Fight hard. I'm never watching that movie again."

"But how will we raise the children?" He played up the drama.

"You show it to them when I'm not around but we let them decide for themselves when they're old enough."

"And you promise not to try to influence them?"

She rolled her eyes at him. "I solemnly swear to not influence our children to hate Princess Bride if for no other reason than to spare them this exact conversation on their wedding days."

He mouthed at her neck letting his scruff scratch at the delicate skin there. It was intoxicating and she was tempted to let him continue but there was giggling outside the door and within seconds they were joined in the bed by Benji and Olivia.

Darren laughed and lifted Benji in the air as if he were flying. "Your timing sucks little man, but it's good to see you're awake."

"I've been awake for HOURS," Olivia climbed into Darren's legs for a ride if her own."I wanted to put on my party dress but Mommy says it's too early. Where you guys kissing?" Olivia got more words out in one breath than most people got out in an hour.

Issey moved the nearly empty tray to the nightstand. "What makes you think that?"

It was Benji who answered, "That Joey guy told us we couldn't come in cause you were kissing."

Olivia kicked her feet on either side if Darren's calves riding them like a pony. "Yeah but we told him we've seen you kiss before so it didn't matter and besides you can kiss whenever you want cause you're like always together but you never get to see us."

Issey smiled at Darren, "Always."

He returned it, his eyes twinkling, "Always."


	18. Chapter 18

Sophie had come to let Issey know both the caterers and the florist were downstairs awaiting direction. Mortified to find her children in bed with the soon to be newlyweds she apologized profusely but neither Issey nor Darren seemed the least bit bothered by the tiny invasion.

When the trio had cleared out of the room Issey grabbed some shorts and a t-shirt to run downstairs but Darren cornered her in the closet and pushed the hair from her face as she looked down for her flip flops. "Hey." He stilled her with the single word. "I'm so ready for that." He looked back toward the bed, sheets a wreck from the playtime with the twins.

"Me too. I just hope…" She stopped herself.

"Yeah. I hope too, but that right there? It showed me how ready I am to step up and be their Dad. I'm capable. Obviously I want to do this with you, but I don't want you to worry, I can do it alone if I have to."

"I was never worried. I know you will be the best Dad in the world, with or without me." She leaned over and kissed him softly. "We're getting married today."

"You still okay with doing it in front of everyone?"

"I'm only gonna see you, I don't think it matters who else is there."

Downstairs was a frenzy of activity. The florist was bringing in vase after vase of enormous arrangements and placing them on every free surface. The caterers were annoyed because they were trying to bring food through to the refrigerator but could barely find the kitchen through the newfangled jungle. There was another person at the door, a delivery person seeming unsure whether to just walk in because everything was open with people rushing in and out or whether to keep his place outside until he was acknowledged as a new player in the drama.

Issey sent Darren to handle the caterers and asked the florist to give her a moment, addressing the man at the door. "Can I help you?"

"I have a delivery for this address."

Issey was skeptical by nature and had concerns that Darren's fans may have found the house. She had not reason to believe the wedding had been leaked but word of the housewarming party was all over twitter thanks to his colleagues at Glee tweeting their excitement about the party. "Who is the delivery from?"

He checked his computer. "A Mr. R. Murphy. I need a signature."

She took the computer and the stylus and signed, seeing no package at his feet. He turned and went to his truck and lowered a hydrolic platform with two boxes on it. He hefted the first box with a two wheeler and brought it to the door. "Where would you like it?"

"What is it?" Issey asked sizing up the box. It was more than half her height.

"Hell if I know, I just deliver 'em'. "

"Do you think you could take it out of the box for me? You can see how busy it is at the moment."

"Sure thing lady, you want me to unbox both of 'em?"  
"Please."

She left him to direct the florist where she'd like each of the arrangements. Most of the flowers she'd chosen to compliment the rooms they would be in but then there were some for the deck outside and a small bouquet for her to carry when they were married. She didn't plan on a lot of tradition at the party but she did always enjoy the throwing of the bouquet.

"I think you might want these outside." The delivery man nodded at the two sculptures of cranes that had been in the boxes.

"Oh, yes, in the front by the door I think to guard the house. Hold on I'd like my husb...fiancé to have a look before we decide."

She'd never in her life even considered the word husband. She hadn't been thinking about how she'd now be able to throw the word around, or even the sweetness of calling Darren that for the first time. It had just escaped her lips as the most natural word. She quietly marveled at her blunder while tracking him down.  
Darren looked at them. "They're cool but I don't think I get it."

"Cranes have some symbolism in Feng Shui I think. I read something about it when I was decorating the bus."

"Good health." Lucy interjected through the bite of an apple. She ran her hand over the metal, "They're good. Bet they cost a bundle."

It was agreed they would be in the front garden until they could find out where the proper "Feng Shui" place for them would be.

Darren tipped both the delivery man and florist as they were on their way out. The delivery guy handed him a card he had nearly forgotten. It was from Ryan wishing Darren and Isabelle a happy and healthy home and sending his regrets that he could not attend today.

The flowers perfectly placed, the caterers settled in and starting things that smelled exotic and delicious both in their kitchen and on the side deck, Issey fussed around making sure all the little things were right. Her father found her in the guest bathroom the kids were using, putting the cap back on toothpaste and tucking tiny blue and pink toothbrushes into a drawer.

"It's your wedding day. Can't Soph pick up after the kids?"

Smiling Issey leaned against the sink, "I don't mind. It gives me something to do, plus, I sort of love playing Mommy. They jumped into bed with us this morning, it was so sweet."

Her Dad returned her smile but his blue eyes were pale and very tired. "Come take a walk with me on the beach."

The thought excited her. Issey and her father were very close when she was small but since she started working in an industry he neither understood nor trusted they rarely spent time alone together any more.

They held hands and walked just within reach of the climbing waters. "I remember doing this when I was little and we'd go visit Pete at his beach house."

"Your mother hated letting you near the water, nothing scared you and she was afraid of her own shadow."

"I was more like you in that way. I ran headfirst into things that should scare me, never looking back."

Her dad was lost in his own thoughts, memories perhaps, because it took some time for him to respond with a slight frown as he looked toward the sun. "Except love. That you ran from. Even mine. As soon as you were old enough you were out of house forever and we never see you. I used to expect \you to come home with a string of idiot musicians with hair to their waists and earrings all over the place, but it never happened. When we talked to you about how you were it was always work. There was never a guy. I started to wonder if maybe you were hiding a girlfriend but Soph said she'd know."

"It wasn't, but if it was, what would you have said?"

He scratched his head with his free hand. Her father was from another time, but he was loving by nature. "I guess I would have asked if she was good to you."

She bumped against him with a grin, "You're my favorite Dad in the world."

"And you're one of my two favorite daughters."

They walked in silence for awhile and then her father cleared his throat. "When you were a little girl I used to plan what I would say to you on your wedding day, the wisdom I'd have to share but none of it applies anymore."

Her voice caught as she asked the question she was most afraid of, "Are you terribly disappointed that I'm knocked up at my wedding?"

He stopped and looked in her eyes, "I could never be disappointed in you. I can't say its easy to hear that your daughter doesn't know who the father of her baby is but you spent a long time alone, I can't blame you for wanting to hold on to love when you thought you found it."

"I have found it." They continued walking.

"He seems like a great guy, his Dad's a good man, but a few months ago you couldn't decide between him and this other guy, I just hope you aren't rushing into marrying him because he's the father of your kids. It's not like it used to be, you don't have to get married."

"I know Daddy. It isn't because of the kids, and if it makes you feel better I knew the night we met that I wanted to marry Darren. Remember how you'd tell me about the first time you met Ma?"

"She was downtown with Aunt Rita and I'd just gotten back from the war. I saw my sister and then her friend and thought, that one is for me."

"That's how I'm like you, I just knew in my heart right away that Darren and I belong together. But I'm like Mom too."

"Stubborn woman, I had to ask her out ten times before she said yes, asked her to marry me 3 before she'd take the ring. She was worth the wait though. Seems like Darren knows you are too."

"He reminds me of you. Steady, strong but gentle, loving and hysterically funny. He's a child, a goof and my rock. I never thought I'd find a man like you Dad, but I think I have."

Her father's eyes were welled with tears. "I know you aren't having a very traditional wedding and you're a grown woman but I've always thought when the time came I'd walk you down the aisle."

"Oh Daddy, would you?" She was crying instantly, "I was afraid to ask because I really thought you were mad about my being pregnant and wouldn't want to do it."

He assured her he would love nothing more and they turned to head back to the house. She had to get ready before everyone arrived.

She thought they'd gotten through all of the emotional conversation but her father wasn't done. "How're you feeling kid, really?"

"Mostly good. I don't get as tired as I did in my first trimester and the throwing up has slowed way down."

"I meant the cancer, Isabelle."

"I don't know. I was hoping to pretend it didn't exist just for today."

"This family had a long history of beating cancer you know kid, you'll be alright. I know I don't have the money you do but if you ever need your old Dad for anything you'll let me know yeah?"

She looked down at their hands together and brought them up to where her dad could see them, "This Dad. I need this. Just knowing you're on my side makes everything better."

"I will always be on your side."

When they got back to the house nearly everyone was dressed for the party suggesting Issey had better get on the ball. Locking the bathroom door she peeled off her clothes and stepped into the shower. It was already wet so even though she hadn't crossed paths with him she knew Darren was closer to being ready than she was.

Climbing out she caught the vision of herself nude in the mirror, something she'd avoided since the surgery.  
She tried to focus her attention on the small, hard bump beginning to make itself known but her eyes traveled north to her scarred chest. It was looking better all the time, less red and tender now. She allowed herself a minute to wish she had the body of a tiny waisted, sexy, curvy teenager for her wedding day then laughed at herself. She'd never been that, the loss of her breasts was making her romanticize the body she had before. Despite the baby bump she was in better shape now than she had been in years. She'd always carried a little extra fat here and there but thanks to the new food restrictions and daily exercises she was actually looking fit and strong. It was a hard thing to admit to herself but her skin was glowing and her body looked exactly as it should. Darren could have chosen a sex bomb but he didn't. He chose her and that was more than she'd ever allowed herself to believe she'd deserve. She tossed on the soft robe her sister had sent to her before her surgery and started to roll her hair. Darren was banging around in their room, opening and closing drawers and swearing a blue streak.

"Babe?" she yelled to him, "Something wrong?"

"Here you are, I couldn't find you." He was talking through the door.

"I'm not in any of the drawers you're slamming."

"Yeah, about that…um, is it necessary for us to talk through a door right now?"

She swung it open, "No, I thought you…Holy Fucking Shit."

He looked panicked, "What? What? Did I get it wrong? Is it cause I wore black, did you want me to wear something happier? Are you mad? Disappointed?"

She couldn't make her brain form words. It wasn't possible. He looked better than anyone in the history of time. His hair was curly and just the exact right amount of messy. His facial hair had been trimmed to be respectable but scruffy. He was wearing a (just tight enough) black button front shirt with a tie the exact shade of the shells embroidered on her dress. His pants were pale linen nearly exactly the shade of her dress and rolled enough to keep them from dragging in the sand when they said their vows. On his feet were his ever present saddle shoes.

Instead of speaking she leaned into him and kissed him very, very slowly, letting him feel the heat between them, the world of words and emotions lingering on their mixing breath.

She finally separated herself from him and he whispered, "So I did okay?"

"You'll do." She smirked, "Now what exactly was the hunt about?"

"Don't freak out but I may have lost the rings." He tried to look nonchalant and picked at her beauty products lined on their countertop.

"Or you may have given them to Joey yesterday afternoon when you got home." She plucked a pair of tweezers from his fingers before he could get near his eyebrows.

"Fucking A! I totally did. That asshole let me come looking everywhere and you know he's downstairs laughing his ass off."

"Sounds right. Okay sweet love, get the hell out of here so I can try to look half as good as you. It's not nice to show up the bride you know."

"Not possible. You could come down with those curlers in your hair and wearing that robe and you'd still be the most beautiful bride that ever was."

He slipped out after kissing her on the cheek and she fanned herself. Her face was flushed, this was love.

Forty five minutes later Issey stood at the top of her brand new staircase, wearing her brand new dress and her lovely family heirloom bracelet and took a deep breath. Some guests had already arrived and the house was buzzing with music and conversation. "This is it." She thought to herself. "This is the last time I will be alone, from now on he and I will be one." She smiled and skipped down the stairs.

Lea and Cory were just coming in as she got to the landing. She greeted them warmly and graciously accepted the praise about her new home. She led them through to the family room where the others were and promised a full tour later. Her father wrapped an arm around her, "You're a vision."

She mingled and laughed, showed off the house and played a game of sandbag tick tac toe with her nephew. The sun was bright and this was a perfect day. Not wanting to give away the true purpose of the party she and Darren had agreed to spend their time with their guests and not each other. He did manage to catch her eye across the room at one point and mouth to her, "You Look Perfect". She only rolled her eyes and returned to her conversation.

Just before sunset they had Joey gather everyone inside to a part of the house that faced away from the ocean. He gave a long winded toast wishing Issey and Darren the best of luck in their new home, saying he hoped they stayed for a very long time, mostly so he could stay in the guest house rent free.

While this went on Sophie, and the parents of the bride and groom were outside on the beach creating a path of candles in the sand. At the end of the path they placed a delicate arch decorated with sea stars, each with a small white light at its center. When everything was ready Darren and the JP stood at the arch and Soph gave Joey the "wrap it up" sign.

"I thank you for your kind attention and ask that you hold your toast, bring your champagne, and follow me to an ocean side surprise." With that he led the assembled guests to the beach where the meaning of the evening became crystal clear.

Murmurs of "I knew it!" and "I told you!" went through the crowd but everyone went silent when the soft sounds of Billy Joel's "She's Got A Way" (Darren's choice) began and Issey and her father slowly made their way down the flickering path.

Surrounded by the people they loved Darren and Issey looked at each other and everything else fell away. She couldn't hear the music, barely registered the words the Justice of the Peace was saying, all she knew was Darren was there, holding her hands, his thumb caressing her knuckles. A breeze lifted strands of her hair away from her neck and swirled sand at her legs. She wanted to remember all of this, every whisper of wind against her skin, the way Darren's hands had started to shake ever so slightly, the smell of the ocean mixed with the barbecue the caterers had fired up to be ready to feed everyone. Mostly she wanted to remember his face, the way he looked at her made her feel as though she would be wrapped in love for eternity.

"I'm told the bride and groom have written the words they would like to exchange as vows. Isabel, please face Darren and share what is in your heart."

Issey swallowed past the lump in her throat and touched Darren's face, tearing up a little then smiling.

"When I was a girl I watched my sister in the halls of our school. Her boyfriend at the time would wait for her outside of her classes, having run all the way from the Dahod Building to ours so he could grab her books and walk three doors down with her to her next class before returning her books and running back to his next class, a big stupid grin on his face.

A boy tried to carry my backpack for me one day when I struggled with its weight. I punched him so hard the bruise didn't heal for weeks.

When we were in college we shared an apartment for a little while. I had a raging flu, barely able to lift my own head but I went to class, went to work, did my laundry, all of it. Soph had a sniffle and her boyfriend brought her soup, her favorite movies, tucked her in under her favorite blanket and kissed her forehead.

It made me so angry. I wanted her to get up and push herself, to realize she could not count on any guy to always come and treat her like a Princess. She needed to get tough.

As adults Sophie became the wife of her Prince Charming and the mother of the most beautiful children I have ever known. She is not tough, she is strong, a strength that grew from trusting the love she shared would be returned to her in kind.

My choice however was to never stay in one place too long, to give all of my time and passion to the people around me while remaining emotionally disengaged. I became tough, but not really strong.

In a world of self-induced isolation I became one dimensional, living by the numbers. I think in some way I knew I was sick, that my body had so detached from my soul it was breaking down.

My intention was to take a month off, read a book, check and see if there was anything human left in me.

Then I got offered the Glee tour and I'm pretty sure I said yes because I was terrified that without work I would cease to exist at all, afraid of what I might not find if I looked too closely inside myself.

From the moment you turned around at that piano I felt like you saw me. Not the shell I believed I was but really saw the parts of me I didn't know we're there. You saw all of me, and because of you, and your relentless pursuit to carry my books no matter how hard I punched I am finally finding my spirit. I'm strong now because, l finally understand what Sophie knew all along, when you trust the love in your life you can do anything.

Your love has breathed life into stone and while some parts may crumble and fall away in the process I will never be able to thank or repay you for making me human.

For the first time in my life," here she stopped and wiped the tears from his face that he had just let flow freely "For the first time in my life, and amazingly at the exact moment that I needed it most, I can be vulnerable, I can allow myself to want because you have given me all I will ever need. And you always remember my favorite blanket.

My vow to you is to never let your love go to waste. I promise to always trust that you love me and to give you love you can trust in return. I promise not to punch you in the arm anymore and even when it is scary to hand my backpack to you and to stay in bed and watch the movies you bring, even if you bring Princess Bride." Here he barked a laugh and brought her hand to his lips to kiss it.

"Darren, please open your heart to your bride."

He took a minute to compose himself, blowing out a stream of air and shrugging away his nerves.

"Okay." He grinned at her and gave a little 'here goes' nod. "Being with you is…like…it's like tasting colors or seeing music it's completely trippy and unexpected. You open the world up to me in ways even my twisted brain couldn't have conceived of." He talked with his hands, so concerned that he get the true meaning of his words out. "You say you were afraid to look inside because you were afraid there was nothing there but I think you knew what was there was the stuff of myths, you are magic and if you admitted that to yourself you'd have to admit you were worth loving. You experience this crazy life in ways other people don't and the wildest part is you can get others to see it too. I don't know if I ever felt the world around me until you showed me how.

You know how to get to the core of everyone you meet and inspire their trust in seconds but it wore you down making these miniscule holes in the wall to let other people's stories in but not let any molecule of you escape back to them. It was heartbreaking to see your need to protect your softer side."

He took her hands again and his eyes went red with tears. "On a day that was otherwise unremarkable I felt the first few rocks in that wall shift and bathed in the light that shone through. It wasn't anything you said, it was the way you looked at me, looked FOR me, across the room when your day was shit and you were just done with everything. You didn't shut down; you didn't disappear off to be alone. You searched the room with your eyes and stopped when you met my eye and I saw it. I saw your shoulders relax, the tension melt from your face and you smiled. I was fist pumping in my head because I was the one. You saw something in me that you trusted to ease the demons in you. I wanted to run across the room and hold you in my arms. I made my vow then to always be there when you looked to me, to comfort you in any way you would allow.

I am a better man because of the lessons you have taught me. I couldn't walk away when you, 'punched me in the arm' as you put it, because my soul was linked to yours. You are my home; there is nowhere else for me to go because my heart lives with you. It has always been with you and when you kissed me for the first time a piece of me I never even realized was missing clicked into place."

He stopped again, shuffling his feet and nodding in acknowledgement of the tears that had again begun to flow. "I vow." He held up a finger, dipped his head to take a moment to collect himself and continued, "I vow to always be a place you can look to, to show you, every day, the magnificence I see when I look at you. I promise to cherish every sip from the goblet of our lives together, I will be your wall when you need one, protecting you from all of the things that frighten or hurt you and I will step aside to allow the love of others who have fallen under your spell heal your heart. I will love you, not for as long as we both shall live but for as long as there is love to be had. A thousand years from now when a child loves it's teddy bear, that will be me, loving you. Any place, across time, one heart reaches out in love, that love will be mine, reaching out to you. I have loved you since my soul began and I will love you until it ceases to exist."


	19. Chapter 19

The JP pronounced them husband and wife, Darren kissed his bride and threw her over his shoulder, racing toward the water. Issey couldn't breathe she was laughing so hard. "If you get me soaked I'm going to have to change my dress!"

He plunged them into the water, "Then you're going to have to change your dress." He held her close to him and looked into her eyes. "Is the salt water painful?"

She only smiled and shook her head, it wasn't.

"Rebirth. Cleansing what went before." He offered by way of explanation.

"I know." She just kept her eyes on his.

"Happy?"

"Happiest."

Waist deep in water they kissed, unaware of the crowd of friends and family on the shore whistling, applauding and snapping pictures and video with their cameras. When they walked out hand in hand and dripping wet Lucy and Mia ran down the beach to meet them with towels.

"That was so perfect. You guys are adorable!" Lucy wrapped Issey up and hugged her.

"Really beautiful." Mia handed Darren the towel and kissed his cheek, "I'll hug you when you're dry."

Issey noticed the red in Mia's eyes and wanted to make it okay for her but knew that was a job for time and no one else.

Everyone wanted to get to the happy couple to express their congratulations but Sophie cut them off. "Let's give them a few minutes to change into dry clothes, the food is ready so why doesn't every one come grab a plate and find a place to settle in."

Grateful, Darren took Issey's hand and brought her upstairs. "You mad I got your dress wet?" He was behind her, kissing her neck as he unzipped her.

"The dress no, the hair? Maybe a little." She didn't mean it, he knew she didn't and paid no mind to her, instead slipping the dress down and off of her shoulders. Turning to face him she shook her head at him, amazed at his cheek, "We have a house full of guests downstairs waiting for us." Her fingers apparently not getting the message her mouth was trying to impart, they were working the buttons of his shirt open quickly.

"We just got married. No one is going to think we're bad hosts if we take a little time alone."

"They're going to think we're having sex." She pushed the shirt away from his shoulders and let her fingers linger on the muscles there.

"We ARE having sex." He lifted her off her feet and pressed her back to the wall, pulling her legs around his waist.

"What if they come looking for us?"

"Then they're idiots. Listen here wife, it's time for you to pipe down and obey your husband." He tongued at her scars, still sensitive but not sore. This earned him a happy moan before she was able to comment.

"No one said obey."

"Semantics." He mouthed it against her shoulder.

"Bed." She was sliding off his hips and had no interest in touching the floor.

When the pair returned downstairs they looked exactly like what they were, two very happy, very sated lovers who were ready to share their joy with everyone around them. Their new outfits were far more casual, the bride remained barefoot for the remainder of the party and was relieved to not have to worry about staining her dress with the delicious barbeque they had.

As the sun became more dim and the eating was over everyone called for a first dance. Darren pulled Issey into his arms as the beginning notes of "I Won't Give Up" by Jason Mraz filled the air around them. A few minutes of Darren singing the words quietly to her, his thumb and fingers gently caressing the small of her back, the faint feel of his heart beating against her cheek and Issey had to squeeze her eyes closed. It took only seconds for him to realize she was shaking violently and doing everything she could to not cry.

He tilted her chin up and she opened her eyes to his, completely unable to hold it in anymore, she fell apart, allowing herself to cry hard against him. When she was finally able to almost catch her breath she held him tight and told him, "I can't believe how happy I am." He laughed and she swallowed, backing away a little, still choking some and looking for air, snuffling, her nose running. "No, you don't understand," she was panting now, wishing so hard that she could somehow let him know what had just happened to her when she wasn't sure she understood it herself. "I don't know how to explain but I felt, I swear, I'm not being poetic here, I legitimately FELT my heart open as we danced. It was like this pressure in my chest that's been there my whole life just broke apart and the relief was too much, I have never…I don't even know, I'm just so happy and relieved and I know everything will be okay forever now. I'm not even sure I remember what being worried felt like."

"Don't try to remember, just be happy. That's all I've ever wanted, for you to let go and feel like everything is right."

"That's it exactly, everything is right. Absolutely everything is as it should be and as long as I have you nothing can be wrong again."

"You have me forever, so this is the start of something pretty perfect."

People had begun to join them on the makeshift dance floor, some were watching and crying as well but none could hear their conversation.

"Mrs. Criss, are you gonna throw that bouquet or am I going to have to wrestle it away from you?" Lea teased later when the girls were all chatting away.

"I almost forgot…wow…Mrs. Criss…not really ready for that…anyway, yes, throwing the bouquet." She went to the sound system and turned it down, yelling to be heard by anyone who had wandered close to the water. "I'm getting ready to throw the bouquet so all the single ladies" somewhere in the crowd Chris echoed her in song, "all the single ladies" and everyone laughed. "That's right, get your hands up. C'mon over the deck and we'll do it over here."

Some of the girls like Naya and Dianna stayed at the edges of the pack, close to the back, obviously hoping not to catch the thing but being good sports about getting up for the tradition. Lea and Lucy were heading the front group both checking each other with the eye of the tiger. In the end it was a friend Chord had brought, a girl he knew back home who was visiting him in LA that caught the flowers. "Well done Hailey!" Lea patted her but the smile didn't quite reach her eyes.

Darren decided to play along and wandered over with a garter in his fingers. "I know I'm supposed to take this off here as part of the whole game but ah…we had an…incident…awhile ago, the WIFE and I, and uh, let's just say, I have it now." There was hooting and whoo hooing, some whistling. "So anyhow, all you single dudes who want the chance to slip this on the very beautiful Hailey c'mon up and let's get this thing going."

There were a few more guys than girls out there for the garter, it looked like Mark might have a shot as it sailed in his direction but then Cory made a dive for it only to be taken out by a very serious Chord. Chord climbed his way from the bottom of the pile, huge grin on his face and the garter raised over his head in triumph. Issey chanced a look at Dianna who was walking toward the bar, her back to the scene.

Chord took his sweet time getting the bit of lace onto Hailey's very long leg but was a gentleman about it at the same time. Issey returned the music to the air and Chord bowed to his friend and escorted her to the dance floor.

"Did you save a dance for me?" Chris was behind Issey, swaying a little, from the music or from drinking she couldn't immediately say.

"Of course. C'mon."

"Ceremony was beautiful. Those vows were something else." Chris held her as he would someone he didn't know well, no attempt at pulling her close.

"I guess they were a little personal, I don't care though, I'm glad I said what I did."

"Oh, me too, yeah, no, yours were…enlightening, but I kinda meant Darren's."

"What about them?" she could hardly remember what he had said, her mind was reeling with all that had gone on.

"I think he gave us permission to be close, in his wedding vows."

"Chris. "

"No, no, I'm not saying close like, get in your pants close, I mean, I think he forgives us, both of us. He said he wouldn't stand in the way of people who love you. I think he meant me. I think he meant our friendship."

A slow smile spread across her face. She hadn't thought of it at all but now that she thought back to what he'd said, of course that's what he meant; he was forgiving them for everything and saying he wanted them to be close again. It was his way of letting go of the past in every way and allowing for a future that fit all of her love, romantic and platonic.

"I think you should ask him to dance." Issey nudged at Chris.

"Unlikely."

"It would make me happy."

"It would make you horny."

"Consider it another wedding gift." She pouted her lips, "Please? Christopher? Please?"

"You're a pushy dame, I'm glad I let him have you." He kissed her cheek and left her on the dance floor where she was quickly scooped up by her new brother –in-law.

Darren and Chris did dance, it helped that they'd both had enough alcohol to be buzzed into happy compliance. They twirled and dipped each other, before the song ended though Issey claimed her husband and Rob cut in to dance with Chris.

Everyone laughed, ate, played on the beach, drank and danced until quite late. Slowly people began to come to the newlyweds to say goodnight, wish them well and thank them for a great time. One of the first people to head out was Mia.

"It was gorgeous, thank you so much for having me." She kissed Darren's cheek and hugged Issey tight. "If you need someone to go with you on Monday let me know, I'll still be in town." Issey thanked her and when Mia started to walk to the path leading to the cars on her own with nothing but moonlight by her side Issey couldn't stand it. "Go walk her to her car." She told Darren.

"You think?" he asked, a little confused.

"Go walk her, and thank her for making our day special by being here. Imagine this was her wedding. You love me but it would have been hard for you, no?"

Darren gave this a second to sink in, he really was a little blurry. "Shit, yeah, yeah, okay." He kissed Issey, "You're amazing" and ran after his ex.

Late that night when the guests had left and their families had gone to bed exhausted from the festivities of the day Darren and Issey sat on the spot where they'd said their vows, toes tucked in the sand. Each held a glass of champagne.

"I'm so glad I saved this for tonight." She lifted her glass toward him.

"Me too.

"Did you see Brad fall on his ass?"

"On the dance floor? Yes, God I hope someone got that on their cameras. He'll never live that down."

"Do you wish we'd done our vows privately?"

"I don't have any wishes left. Anything I could ever wish for I have." She kissed him softly. "What about you? Anything you would change?"

"Yeah, I'd have met you the day I was born and my first words would have been 'I Do'". He wrinkled his nose and his eyes crinkled with his smile. "No." He lay his cheek onto the top of her head, "I'm just happy we're married."

"Did you expect it to feel different?"

"Not at all."

"Does though doesn't it?"

"Completely." He kissed her head and rubbed her shoulder. "I don't think I believed in it, I mean, I know I asked, and I wanted to do it but if someone asked me for an honest reason why I wanted to get married I don't think I could have given an answer beyond, because I love her. I didn't expect that to change so I don't know what I thought getting married would do.

"Oh my God, I'm so glad you said it. I didn't know why we were doing this either except that I felt like I really just wanted to. Now though, it just feels…more."

"If you had told me this morning that I would feel like a husband tonight I would have thought you were delusional. What the hell was a husband supposed to feel like? But now I know, and I know why no one ever tells you, because it's not anything to do with words."

"Thank you for making me your wife." They abandoned the champagne in favor of each other's lips.

"I can't figure out how to say this without it being really awkward but I promise you I will try every day to be the man you make me feel like I already am." He laughed a little, "Fuck, that was stupid, but Issey, you look at me and I feel like I'm a hundred feet tall, ready to take on anything, slay dragons, carry the world on my shoulders all because your eyes say that I can. I never want you to not look at me like that, I want to work every day to be that guy."

"You ARE that guy. I've watched you do the hardest things, sit beside me and watch me hold the hand of another man and look at a screen to see a baby that could be his and the whole time you never faltered, not once. You never checked out. I'd peek at you, watch to see if you were looking away, starting at the floor or just trying not to connect with what was going on but every single time you were 100 percent present. You just took the pain, pain I could see even when you tried to hide it, you just carried it, and not once did you try to push that pain back at me as blame. Not even with a sigh. When we had to do cancer stuff, and you believed I was staying with Chris, you walked this perfect line, supportive, involved but not intrusive. I don't think anyone else could have done what you did. And the thing is, I know you did it in part because you love me, but really that's the man that you are, you would never, ever walk away from someone who needed you even if they didn't know how much. Even if it meant you were torn apart inside. That's the man I see. Sometimes Darren I just want to sit you down and tell you all of the things about you that amaze me. The silly things like how masculine and strong your neck is, how the flint of your voice gives me shivers even when we're talking about the most mundane things, the way your cheeks go all chipmunk when you smile. And then the deeper things, like how sometimes when I watch you do simple things like take a fan out of my closet or pay a delivery guy it changes me inside, it makes me feel safe and taken care of and like…this is the dumbest thing I've ever said but it makes me feel like a woman. I know you know how strong and capable I am and yet you do these things for me, just because you do, and it doesn't take a thing away from my abilities, it doesn't mean I have to prove I can do it myself, it must means I have this partner, this man, who wants to take up half the load, because he can. Because he loves me."

"Because he cherishes you." He kissed her again. "Hey Baby? I think we just had our private vows."


	20. Chapter 20

The day after their wedding Issey and Darren slept in until 10:30 then spent the day with their family before bundling everyone off to the airport.

On the way back to the house Darren took a detour. As they wound their way through a nice neighborhood of small homes Darren cleared his throat.

"So I wanted to get you a wedding present even though I know we said we wouldn't."

"Darren, no, I don't need anything."

"It's not anything, well, just hear the story but if you don't want it just tell me and we don't have to get it."

"You got me a wedding present I'm not going I want?"

"Just listen. I've been on these forums, talking to cancer survivors and all. Well this one woman was talking about how she had this dog, still mostly a puppy, who seemed to know when she had her treatments and stuff. He's a great dog and was a real comfort to her but now she's in remission and her 2 year old daughter is showing signs of being allergic to the dog. Walker. Dog's name is Walker.

She was talking about looking for a home for Walker and I started to think about how you told me about how growing up the Irish Setter was your best friend instead of any of the neighborhood kids. I don't know, I just thought if you and the dog clicked maybe he'd be good for you like he was for Emily."

Issey thought for a minute. "It's been so long since I've had a dog I'd love one, but I start chemo tomorrow and a puppy is so much work."

"He's 10 months so he's housebroken and all. Em says he uses a doggy door and really hasn't been any trouble but again, if you don't feel up to it or anything..."

"Can I meet him before we commit?"

Darren pulled into a driveway after double checking the number on the mailbox. "That is what we're here for."

It took less than 3 seconds for Walker and Issey to fall in love. It was immediate, deep and completely mutual. He was a handsome, curious black lab teen with legs just a little too long for his body.  
"His mother was a cancer dog, they smell it. I got him from a breeder who raises them to be companion dogs for kids with leukemia and whatnot. I thought he'd be calm and easy for me to deal with and the kids would have a good dog but the little one can't have a dog in the house anymore apparently so Walker has to go." The woman scratched behind the dogs ear sadly. "It's breaking my heart because he's such a good boy."

Walker claimed a spot by the sliding glass door from which he could watch Darren light the grill on the patio and Issey chop vegetables. If both went out of sight it was Issey who had the soft padding of furry paws behind her. When she stopped for any length of time Walker simply settled beside her and waited to see where they would go next.

They had taken the food Em had left, Walker's toys and a fat cushioned bed. Emily had warned he would sleep there during the day but at night he insisted on sleeping with her and her husband.

Darren had laughed at that. He was not about to share their bed with a dog less than 48 hours from their wedding. He was confident Walker would learn his place at his new home with just a bit of discipline.

"Babe he looks so sad."

"You wouldn't see him if you put out the light."

"But what if he gets scared? It's a new place."

Darren lifted his head and looked over to where Walker had fallen asleep in a pile of blankets. "Shh, you'll wake him." He smirked at his bride.

"Don't be so smug, if he starts crying in the middle of night he's coming to bed."

When Issey woke it was to Walker's cold nose pressing into her hand. He had stayed on the floor all night but now it was morning and he could find no doggie door.

A still half asleep Darren found Issey sitting on the sand throwing a tennis ball for Walker who would bound into the waves before returning with it, even if Issey threw short of the water.

He sat beside her and laughed when Walker jumped on him covering him with wet sand.

"Looks like you two are having fun."

"Thank you for him. I'd been so worried thinking the night before my first chemo treatment I'd be awake and scared all night but instead all of my focus was on Walker and whether he was safe and happy. When I got up this morning I didn't think about how grossed out I am with getting my port installed or any of that. I just wanted to see what he'd think of the ocean."

"A lot if his current state is any indication. I'm glad he's helping. We should go in though and get you some breakfast. We only have two hours before we have to be at the hospital."

Darren dried Walker off while Issey busied herself in the kitchen. "You know I sort of like this, it's kind of exciting to decide exactly how I want my food made."

"You've been living in hotels too long."

"Agreed."

The dog bumped at her leg and Darren snuck up behind her grabbing a green pepper from the pile she had chopped for their omelets. He broke the strip on half popping half in his mouth and feeding the rest to Walker.

"Are my furry boys hungry?" She turned to give Darren a quick kiss before adding shredded cheese to her pile of ingredients.

"I think on the way home we should get stuff to make muffins."

"Sounds good. Do you want help here?"

"Nope, I'm happy."

"Then I'm going to shower and shave before we eat." He stole another pepper.

"Skip the shave, you don't have to be Blaine until tomorrow. Be Darren today."

"Are you sure? We have lots of doctor stuff, I don't want to look like a bum."

"For me."

"Anything for my favorite wife."

She spent the wait time at the hospital typing furiously on her phone. At first Darren thought she was giving herself busy work to stop her nerves but then noticed she was texting back and forth with her business manager.

"Everything ok with Jim?"

"Yeah, we're just trying to schedule some stuff. It's hard to fit anything new in because Ryan changes his mind about the Glee schedule constantly."

"What else are you trying to schedule?"

"Apparently Adam Lambert is going back in the studio and his people want me to sit in on a few sessions."

"I didn't know you worked with him."

"Haven't. New client." She kept typing as she spoke.

"Do you think you should take on new stuff right now?"

Her name was called so there was no time to answer. She had to have her port installed for the chemo at the hospital before going over to the cancer center for her first chemo treatment.

Darren wanted to be in the room when her port was put in, he knew she was a little afraid but it was surgery, however minor and he was relegated to small waiting room.

"Did they put you to sleep?"

"No, they just numbed it and gave me a bunch of 'don't give a shit how big that needle is' drugs. How are we on time?"

They were halfway to the cancer center, Darren checked his watch. "Ahead of schedule, anywhere you want to stop?"

There was. She wanted a roast beef sandwich so badly she couldn't stand it.

They got it to go and ate in his car. Neither of their phones had stopped ringing for two days so both were on vibrate. Everyone wanted pictures and interviews about the wedding.

Every time Issey checked her phone Darren would begin drumming the steering wheel with his thumbs.

"Eventually you're going to have to give some kind of soundbite about it."

"What? Why?"

"Because you being off the market is news."

Darren blinked a few times trying to switch gears from the conversation he'd been having in his head - an argument against her taking on new clients since he imagined that was what the constant phone checking was about, to the subject of their marriage and publicity.

"We said when it came to the kids we'd be up front and give one good interview to someone we trusted to keep them from being hunted, why not do the same with our marriage?"

"You 're probably right. There were two photographers staked out on the beach this morning before I went out. They were taking pictures of the house."

"Why didn't you wake me?"

"It wasn't that worrisome, it's bound to happen."

She watches his knuckles whiten around the steering wheel. "Just the same I wish you wouldn't go out there if you know they're there."

"Do you hear yourself right now? Do you know how many things are wrong with that sentence?" She was yelling now but it was more an amused annoyance than anything angry. "First of all I am a grown woman and will not be kept prisoner in my own home by some trespassers on my beach. There is no way we're spending the kind of money we did to live where we do and then using it as a hide out."

She'd turned in her seat and was talking quickly, her hands flying to punctuate. A small smile played at the edges of Darren's mouth, a crinkle at the corners of his eyes.

"Second may I remind you that I'm not some young hick straight from a turnip farm? I was dealing with paparazzi when you were still building snowmen in the Michigan quad."

"Don't knock it, we made some epic snowmen."

"I'm positive you did. Anyway the second I opened the slider Walker took off after them snarling like a deranged wolf and they beat it out of there in a scene that was way more Three Stooges than necessary."

"Walker gets a special treat tonight."

She reached over and pulled his hand from the wheel and held it, "He really is the perfect gift, thank you so much for thinking of him for me."

"I'm glad it worked out." His phone vibrated loudly in his pocket, again. "So who do we want to talk to about the wedding?"

"Hmm, People is the obvious answer I guess."

He nodded, "Unless you want to do something like ET."

"Sure, you could do that."

"What is this 'you' business? It's we."

"No one wants to talk to me. You're the one with the fans."

She busied herself with her phone but found no support there for her argument. Cosmo and Ladies Home Journal had just contacted Jim about interviews with her.

"It's about US, I'm not doing this alone. Let's just pick one, give them an interview and be done."

"Fine, but let's get it scheduled soon because I can't handle not being able to get to my important messages because I'm so backed up with wedding publicity."

"Maybe we should tell the world it's twins at the same time, get it all out there."

"I'm okay with that, get your people to set it up while I'm having my treatment. The sooner word gets out that we've committed to one interview everyone else should chill out some."

"I'll call Ricky and have him set everything up, do you want to go with People?"

"Don't you?"

"Yeah, groovy, why not. Should we let them come to the house to take pictures?"

"If they ask, don't let him offer"

The cancer center had a cheery but calming vibe, but in an almost overstated way that set Issey's teeth on edge.

It was a place that knew it had to walk the line between "Yay you're going to be a survivor!" and "we're here for you you poor poor dear."

Issey wished it was more like an ER, treat em and street em, all business.

A chubby blond woman in her early thirties with a smile so bright it looked like she chewed whitening strips instead of Trident welcomed her with a lot of teeth and a sympathetic head tilt.  
"First treatment today?" She dragged out today and made it sound like Issey was there for her first tanning session.

"Yep."

"Great! Welcome! I'm going to have you take this clipboard and full out both sides of this paper and the one beneath it, there are pens in the cup right there. You can just pop that right back to me when you're done."

Issey caught the look in Darren's eye and felt a tightening in her chest. He couldn't wait to make fun of this whole thing and she loved him all the more for finding the humor in it.

They shared a sly smile and took a seat. She filled in all the same information she had that morning at the hospital and seemingly everywhere she went lately. When she finished Darren took it from her. "I'll just POP this back up to her shall I?"

"Oh would you? Would you be a love and just POP that right back up there?"

The woman sitting next to them with a brightly covered scarf on her head caught their sarcasm and lifted where her brows would be if she still had them. "It's because you're new. They aren't really Stepford Wives, Dina there has a wicked sense if humor, she just likes to set the new people at ease."

"Oh, good to know, I guess I'm just not a sunny personality type."

"Me either, but a little advice? Humor is good but cynicism won't help, try to keep positive."

Issey agreed but was typing a message to Darren on her phone,

Wife: things you'll never hear at an AIDS clinic for 300 please Alex.

Husband: ?

Wife: try to stay positive

Husband: Relax, this is going to be okay.

He was right, it was a joke she would never make but she was looking for a way to slow leak the manic voices in her head. They could say it was safe all day but the fact was she was avoiding caffeine and alcohol only to force feed poison into her system where her children lived.


	21. Chapter 21

"Darren! Darren"

Issey's screams echoed through the house.

Darren took the stairs two at a time trying to get to her quickly. He called out letting her know he was on his way but she didn't stop yelling.

He stopped short at the bed. She was fast asleep, Walker still laid along her side but looking up at him with worried eyes.

He cupped her face in his hands to stop the thrashing and asked her to wake up.

She clutched his arm as she surfaced from sleep.

"Shh, it's okay, it's okay, I'm right here." He tried to soothe her but her wild eyes scared him.

When she was able to focus she felt the full force of the fear, but with no memory of what had put it there. "Probably best not to try and remember." He told her.

"I'm sorry I scared you." Walker nudged her and kissed her hand. "Did I scare you too sweet boy? I'm sorry."

"As loud as you yelled he never left your side. Who's a good boy?"

Walker settled down with a single tail thump and returned to sleep.

"What time is it?"

"5:30, you hungry?

"Not really. What were you doing?"

"Learning lines, I hate to say it but I have to go back to set tomorrow."

"I'm going to go in before chemo tomorrow, I have to get some stuff done with Lea, and actually later tonight you and I should do a little something about your Imagine Dragons song."

"Please do not push yourself. This is a time for rest little Mama Bear."

She snuggled deeper into her pillow but kept the hold on his arm. "I promise I won't. Would you go get your script though and learn them up here? I want to go back to sleep but I wanna be selfish and keep you close."

He kissed her cheek, "Come here, I'll look at it later."

She wanted to tell him it was fine, that he could work as long as he stayed close but instead curled to her opposite side and pulled his arm around her as she went.

It soothed her, he'd noticed lately, to scratch at the hair on his arms as she fell asleep.

Walker got up, looked pointedly at Darren and went downstairs. His meaning could not have been more clear. "You're watch, don't screw it up."

Two hours later they had dinner outside.

"Can we talk about you taking on a new client right now?" Darren took a large gulp of his milk.

"What's to talk about? It's my job."

"You have a job, Glee is a full time gig and you have so much else going on right now, do you really need to add to it? It's not like we need the money."

"This job has never been about the money for me Darren. Look I know you're worried about me exhausting myself but try to look at it this way, I'm used to being extremely busy and feeling normal is more important to me now than ever. I'd like to keep myself as involved as I can as long as I can."

"I guess I can dig that but as much as I want you to feel good I don't want you to jeopardize your health for it."

"Babe I did my chemo and came home and slept all day, I'm eating right, doing my yoga every day. I'm being smart about doing all the doctors ask of me and not one of them asked me to slow down my work schedule."

"Do they KNOW your schedule?"

"No. If it makes you feel better though I will call tomorrow and ask how many hours a week is best."

"Thank you."

Joey showed up after dinner to take Walker out to "play on the beach". Darren peeked out the deck and saw a leggy blond walking her own dog along the surf.

"It's gonna take more than the dog, man."

With Walker out on recon with Joe Issey decided it would be a good time to go down to the studio and work on Darren's song.

"Keep the verse straight, don't play with it, then just before the chorus give a little punch in the v in never."

Her phone buzzed with an email, normally she'd ignore it while she was working but she was waiting for Jim to send her the files for Adam's music.

"Great."

"What's up?"

"Ryan killed the song. He couldn't get permission for it, you're doing It's Not Unusual."

"Like the Tom Jones song?"

"Apparently."

"So we can't really work on it now until we get the arrangement."

"Nope. You're dismissed."

"Want to go to a movie?"

She laughed, "You are off the hook, I still have work to do. Grab Joey and go, he must be feeling a little left out lately anyway."

"You don't mind?"

"I have to get ready for Lea plus I'll probably get Adam's stuff any minute. I'm going to work while I feel good."

"Do you?"

"Feel good? Yes. Very."

"Sure you don't mind if we go out for awhile?"

"Good grief get out."

They spent the rest of the next two weeks working and seeing each other primarily at work or in bed where one or the other was usually asleep when the other came home.

"I can't believe you're making me do this."

He laughed "No you don't, this was your idea."

"No, MY idea was to let People come interview YOU here about the wedding and the house. MY plan was to be anywhere but here for it."

"So you're plan was to throw me to the wolves?"

She patted his back, "Now you're getting it."

She fussed around cleaning.

"Stop. The house is immaculate. How are you nervous about this you've been through thousands if interviews."

"I've coached my clients through thousands of interviews. This is different now I'm the enemy."

"In what universe are you the enemy?"

The doorbell rang and he went to let the camera crew in that would take photographs. The writer assigned to interview them was just pulling in the driveway.

She was amazed that he could be so self aware and yet so completely blind to how his fans perceived her.

The photographer assessed the house and found the areas they wanted to get pics of. She and Darren had given them permission to snap the main floor, the downstairs rec room and studio. They could photograph the yard in the back but the front yard and upstairs bedrooms were off limits.

Darren was filming now so he was neatly shaved and his hair cut short. She wished they had done the interview earlier because he looked so much younger this way and she felt like a cradle robber. One more thing for people to talk about.

They decided to do the interview out on the patio. The writer was a pretty girl by normal standards but in LA she would be considered too heavy, too ethnic. She fanned herself as they settled and twisted a pencil into her thick dark curls to make a bun. They offered to move inside to the air conditioning but she insisted she was fine and enjoyed the ocean view.

At the start of the interview they thought perhaps she hadn't done much research. She asked how they met, who else Issey had worked with, what Darren thought of being made a regular on the show.

These were the softball questions, meant to relax them and take them off the defensive and though Issey had trained countless clients to not fall for it she did, hook, line and sinker.

Darren required no training, he possessed a natural ease with people that let him charm his way around anything he'd rather not discuss.

"Isabelle, talk to me about the night you met. Was it one of those fairytale moments where you look at him and you just know, or did he grow on you over time?"

"Well it wasn't a cartoon where my eyes popped out into heart shapes or anything but it definitely felt special. I'll tell you how it felt, how it still feels to be around him."

Darren turned in to her, anxious to see how she would try to put into words something neither of them had been able to do so far.

"Have you ever spent the day outside in the snow? Building a snowman, sledding, skiing, whatever, and you know that your cold but it feels sort of refreshing. Then when you come inside and you strip off your clothes and you're completely shivering and you step into a warm shower. You stand there and feel the tingle all over your body as all the places that were icy become warm and pliant. You realize all of the muscles that were contracted against the cold begin to relax and loosen and you finally exhale the breath you weren't aware you were holding. There's a feeling of being back at home in your skin, safe and cozy. That's what meeting Darren, being around him, that's what it feels like for me."

Darren grinned and squeezed her hand. Her way with metaphors and descriptions was one of the things that drew him to her and she had this one spot on.

"Sounds lovely. Can I ask then why you chose to cheat on him with his cast mate Chris Colfer?"

It was the slap in the face Issey should have seen coming but didn't. Darren, not even blinking an eye stepped in.

"Is never cheated on me, you've got the story wrong there. It was me who was involved with someone else, we had an open relationship but I never told Issey until I had to. If anything I was the one who was cheating. She broke up with me before she and Chris started seeing each other."

Issey found her voice. "When I met Darren it turned my world upside down. Things I thought I knew about myself, that I liked being on my own, love wasn't for me, I was a work machine, they were all melting away and I suddenly only wanted him. It was overwhelming so at the first opportunity I ran. We both knew I'd be back."

"But you chose to run to the guy who plays the lover of the man you're running from, who is notoriously gay. That seems a little like you were going out of your way to hurt Darren. Do you want to clear that perception up?"

Another old trick, make them feel like you're here to give them the rare opportunity to clear their name even though social media now gives a platform for anyone to say anything 24 hours a day.

"Notorious is such a negative word, though I imagine Chris was famously gay, yes. On a tour you become very close to the people around you. I didn't make a choice to be with Chris, he's someone I love and will always love."

"How does hearing that make you feel Darren?"

"Like we are very lucky to have so many people we love in our lives. Both of our ex's were at our wedding, I'm still close to Chris, Is has become very close to my ex."

"We both have good taste in the people we love, why shouldn't we want to keep those people close"

"It all sounds very progressive."

"It's just life, man, every step either if us has taken in the past has led us to where we are now, which is an incredible place. I don't know why so many people regret things they've done, they were the choice you made, for whatever reason, and they're a part of you. Hating your past is like hating yourself, there will always be plenty of people to do that for you, don't waste your life being one of them."

It was Issey's turn to smile, she adored the way he could put people in their place while being kind.

Joey had Walker at the guest house but before they knew it he was running toward them, Joey trying to catch him and failing. "Sorry" he stopped to catch his breath, "Sorry, he saw everyone coming in and lost it. Went right through the screen."

Walker positioned himself between Issey and the interviewer and sat up straight, watching her.

"It's fine Joe, we'll keep him here. Call someone to repair the screen?"

Darren rolled his eyes. "Run to the store and get the stuff, we'll do it when I'm through here."

"You know how to do that?" Issey forgot the interview for a moment.

"It's not that hard, I'm not re roofing the house."

She made a 'how about that' face and turned her attention back to the task at hand.

"Cute dog."

"Darren gave him to me as a wedding present. He's a good boy, I've been taking him to chemo with me, everyone there brightens up when Walker comes in."

This got them on the subject of her cancer and how it felt to find out she was pregnant at the same time.

Issey tried to be honest while finding the positive, but it was hard to be positive about cancer.

"I've never been so terrified in my life. Losing her is just not an option for me. Everything just stopped when she was diagnosed."

"You weren't together at that time though were you?"

Walker had laid down but the insincerity in her voice made him sit back up. He looked to Issey to gauge her response but it was Darren who answered.

"What difference does it make, if it were a friend, a lover, a family member, if you care about someone and their life is in jeopardy it affects you."

"It really became a non issue, both guys stepped up in a huge way and supported me. It wasn't a time for pushing away anyone who cared."

She was clearly not getting under their skin and so moved back to the easier questions about the wedding and the house.

They took enough photos to fill 3 albums, Walker starring in most since he patently refused to leave Issey's side as long as the house was full of strangers.

Adam arrived for a session while they were finishing up.

"I thought you were napping after the interview." Darren tried to cover the irritation in his voice but Issey saw the author's ears perk up.

"This went longer than I thought."

"Can you reschedule?"

"He's here, I don't want to send him away."

"I'm canceling tonight. You spent all morning working, then the interview and now more work? You've got to rest."

"Go to the premiere without me, I hate those things anyway."


	22. Chapter 22

Issey was nowhere to be found when Darren got home from dance rehearsal. It was 3 am and his heart was pounding with worry when she wasn't in bed.

He tried her cell but got no answer. Her car was in the garage but she and Walker were MIA.

Joey's lights were out, but his car was here too.

He wandered in circles trying to think. If an ambulance had come for her they would have called him and anyway they wouldn't have taken Walker.

He couldn't think of anywhere she could be at this time with the dog. His heart squeezed painfully as a thought struck him, what If she had taken Walker down the beach hours ago and something had gone wrong? Panicked he grabbed a flashlight and headed out into the sand. Driving home he'd been exhausted, every bit of him aching, now the adrenaline was pushing him. He ran, calling in a loud whisper to her and Walker. It was a waste of his voice, whispers would never be heard over the crashing surf and if he actually yelled he'd have the neighbors awake and ready to kill.

When he couldn't do it anymore he turned back, walking now, hand on his side to nurse the stitch there.

When he got back he checked the house again, still no sign of her. Grabbing the key from the drawer he went next door to Joey's and let himself in.

"Joe," he shook his friend from the side of his bed, "Man wake up I need you."

Joey jumped up, alarmed. "Dude, 'the fuck?"

"I can't find Is."

"Relax, she probably just went for a drive."

"It's 3:30 and her car is here."

Joey was beginning to get the idea, Darren sat on the edge of his bed.  
"I called her, no answer, I checked the beach, there's no sign of her or Walker. I don't know where else to check."

"Yes you do."

"There's no way she's with him. She'd have told me."

"I'd call the dude."

"Now?"

Joey shrugged.

Darren shook his head but pulled out his phone and called. It took 6 rings before a groggy Chris answered.

His first words, "What's wrong?"

"Is she with you?"

"What? No. What time is it?"

"Fuck."

"Where are you?"

Darren brought Chris up to date.

"I'll be out there in about a half hour. Call the hospitals, see if she's there."

"Don't come yet, let me call some people, see if she's with them first."

"Keep me updated."

"Will do brother."

He tried Mia next she was just leaving a show in WeHo and hadn't talked to Issey for days.

"Did you check the baby's room? Maybe she fell asleep in there."

"I checked the whole house...shit, not the whole house. I'll call you back."

He rolled his eyes at Joey not believing he hadn't thought of it. He went back to the main house and headed down to the studio where he found the lights on.

His wife was behind the board, headphones on making notes on her tablet.

He walked in behind her making her jump. "Darren! You scared me!"

"I scared you!?" His fear had turned to anger. "Do you have any idea what time it is?"

She didn't. She'd been working, the dog fast asleep at her feet.

"I came home and couldn't find you, do you know how scared I was?"  
He was yelling, his fingers balled into fists at his sides. "I ran the fucking beach looking for you. I thought you collapsed out there or something.

His phone rang and he told Joey he found her in the studio, apologized for waking him and hung up.

"You woke Joey up? I was right here."

"I woke up everyone. I didn't think you'd be working this late. It never occurred to me."

"Where were you until 3  
AM?"

"You know where I was,  
I was working."

"And so was I. What are you so angry for? I was in our house."

"Go ahead and work,  
I've gotta call Chris and Mia."

"Why the hell would you wake them up?"

"What aren't you getting here? At 3 AM I expect my pregnant, sick wife to be home in bed. When she isn't I panic. I felt helpless and I needed to reach out to anyone you might have talked to or gone out with.

"Funny you don't seem so worried about staying out all night while your pregnant, SICK wife sits home alone."

She hated being thought of as sick and he knew it.

He dialed Mia, "Found her, she was working, sorry to worry you for nothing"

"Anytime Babe, give her my love."

Without another word to Issey he dialed Chris, "She's fine...in the studio..., try telling her that man, yeah, sorry to get you up and shit...thanks, see you in a few hours."

He turned his attention back to her and spoke quietly, it was a false calm, "You knew the hours I'd be working, how are you suddenly trying to punish me for the job I've had all along?"

"Do you even hear yourself? First of all, how am I punishing you? Second, that's the pot calling the kettle black. You stormed in here incensed that I was doing the very job I've had for longer than you've been able to vote! This is me, this is how I work, I've told you that a million times. Why is that suddenly a problem for you?"

"Because you need rest! You're in a fight for your life here Is and I'm not okay with you putting that in jeopardy for a stupid fucking song."

She got that he was scared but was fed up to the eyeballs with being treated like she was dying.

"I know how I feel, I lost my breasts not my mind. I know what I can handle and what I can't."

"And the twins? If you won't rest for yourself don't you at least care enough to rest for them?"

She leveled her gaze at him. "Get out. Go upstairs, go to bed, get out of my sight before this becomes a fight we can't come back from."

He stared at her for a long minute before retreating upstairs. When he was gone Walker nudged her leg with his nose.

She patted his head, "It's okay baby, Daddy's just in a mood."

The alarm went off at 6:10. It was much too soon and Darren wished he could just shut it off and go back to sleep. Instead he clicked it off quickly to not wake Issey and scratched his fingers through his hair.

He looked over to see if the alarm had disturbed her but neither she nor Walker were in the bed. "Fuck, pig headed woman ."

He hopped in the shower and pulled on any clean clothes he could land his hands on. His eyes were blurry from lack of sleep.

Before heading downstairs he peeked into one of the extra bedrooms and found Walker asleep over Issey's legs. If she were awake she made no movement or sound to show it so he softly closed the door and left for the studio with his stomach in knots.

He didn't get a break until just after noon and from his trailer he called his wife.

"Yeah?" She sounded distracted

"Where are you?"

"Work."

"Oh. Okay. Will you be around for dinner?"

"No."

"Is."

"Not unless you want to eat around 9."

"At home, or do you want to go out?"

"Up to you . I know how much you hate being home."

"What are you talking about?"

"Forget it. Text me where to meet you."  
She disconnected.

He immediately texted her. "Home."

She got in at 9:30 to find him in the kitchen, pajama pants and t shirt covered in white powder she assumed was flour.

"You're a mess."

"I'm baking." He smiled at her.

"Baking." She echoed.

"I made chicken pie. Like from scratch. Made my own dough, boiled chicken, the whole thing."

There were roughly 10 pots and pans in the sink. He followed her gaze. "I had some missteps."

"Clearly. I'm going to change, can you feed Walker?"

"Can do."

When she came back down Darren was setting the table.

"Before you say anything else I want to talk about something you said last night."

"Can I say one thing first?"

"Go on."

"This kitchen smells amazing. I don't care how much of a mess you make you should do this more often."

He kissed her cheek, "Noted." He set glasses of milk in front of them and sat while he waited for the pie to be done.

"Okay, get it over with." She said it with a sigh.

"You evicted me from the studio last night because you didn't want us to say anything we couldn't recover from. That doesn't sit right with me Is. The way I see it is we have to be able to work through things and there's nothing that would make me walk away forever."

"It's a great romantic notion but it isn't realistic. There are some things you can't say without changing the dynamics of a relationship."

"Like?"

"Like telling a pregnant woman that she's being selfish and putting her needs above her children's."

"I didn't say that."

"You implied it. I wanted you out before you said it."

"It wasn't what I meant. Babe you have to understand how frantic I was when I couldn't find you."

"I know, and I may have had the same reaction if I couldn't find you in the middle of the night, well, I mean, if I expected you to be home in the middle of the night. You made it about my working late and being sick and being pregnant though, you could have just said you were worried and didn't think of the studio. Instead you acted like I didn't have the right to work late."

"It's not about having the right, it's about my being worried that you push yourself too hard." He took her hand, "I want you around for a really long time."

He went to kiss her and moved his hand to touch her hair but she ducked away from him.

"What's wrong?"

"No..nothing, I think the pie is starting to burn."

He gave her a doubtful look but checked on supper anyway.

While they ate he told her about how taping the show was going and she told him how much fun she was having working with Adam Lambert.

"He barely needs me. He knows his voice so well and has a range that gives me chills. There's this flinty edge to his lower range that I'm trying to make the most of."

"Sounds cool, he looks like he's full of himself."

"He's not though, he's very open and humble. I wish you were around when he's here, the two of you would love each other."

"I'd like to be, this is just a tough time, we're filming constantly."

"It probably won't get better before I'm done, you'll be leaving for New York by then."

Darren decided now was not a good time to discuss the topic of her coming to New York with him, they were already both sort of edgy.

After dinner they took Walker out on the beach to take care of business, and get a little exercise. It was a breezy night and you could feel what passes for fall in California on the wind.

Back inside Darren suggested it was time for bed, neither had gotten much sleep the night before and both had early and full days coming up.  
Issey told him to go ahead, she was going to get the dishes in the dish washer and clean up a bit first. Darren offered to help but she refused saying it was the least she could do after he cooked an amazing meal.

Exhausted he dropped off right away. When he woke at 2:20 to pee he remained alone in the bed.

On the way to the bathroom he saw the guest room door ajar and peeked in to find Issey, and the ever present Walker sound asleep once again.


	23. Chapter 23

Darren opened the guest room door quietly and slipped in. Issey stirred a little when he sat next to her.

"Is, this is silly, I'm taking you to bed." He whispered it and she sleepily lifted her arms to be carried.

It made him laugh softly, she was out cold but still able to respond to his voice.

He lifted her out of the bed, a tougher task than it would have been a few weeks before. She was showing without question now.

As he picked her up he squinted in the dark to see what was on her pillow. It took a few seconds to register that what he was seeing was clumps of her hair.

"Oh, Is." He whispered, his heart aching for her.

When she woke up in their bed the first thing she did was touch her head. "How did I get in here?"

Her voice woke him and he yawned. "Huh?"

"I was sleeping in the other room."

"Oh, yeah, I brought you to bed. Is, this is where we sleep."

"I know, I've just been getting up a lot to pee, I think the twins are crushing my bladder, I didn't want to wake you."

He scratched his belly, yawning again. "I thought we weren't going to lie to each other." His voice was raspy with sleep but still soft. There was a measure of hurt but no hint of anger.

"What?"

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Can I get a clue? How many words? Sounds like?" She knew, she just wanted to prolong the time before his knowing would make it truly, finally real.

"We knew it was very likely your hair was going to do this. How long did you think you could hide it?"

"I wanted to tell you when it started."

"Then why didn't you?"

"I didn't get a chance, I almost never see you."

"We live in the same house ."

"We're both really busy and this wasn't the kind of information I wanted to share in passing."

He cuddled closer to her, "Is this why you've been in the studio until dawn?"

"No, I've been in the studio because that's my job." She said it slowly as if speaking to a child. "And really I could spend every minute in there working with Adam. His voice is legitimately the best I've ever worked with."

"Sounds dreamy."

"He is actually. He's a very handsome guy, but then most of the people I work with are good looking."

"Don't get any ideas about this one I'm not letting you go to experiment with another guy again."

"First of all he's ga...ok scratch that, the point is really I don't even want to share a bed with the love of my life right now, you think I'm feeling sexy enough to flirt with someone else?"

"I know you're irresistible and he's hot." He nuzzled against her neck, "and I know I want you next to me no matter what."

She let him hold her, trying to go back to sleep. When she realized she couldn't drop off she told Darren, "I'm sorry I scared you the other night. I know you're worried about how much I'm working but it's the only time I feel like myself. It's the only thing I feel any control over."

"I'm sorry. I don't know what to say. I can't say I know how you feel but I can imagine. I don't know how I'd deal with all you're dealing with."

"I'm not coping as well as I'd like to. I wish I were strong enough to be weak but I can't handle it."

"It's not weak to give yourself time to heal or to give the babies a chance to grow. There isn't anything more important than the three of you being healthy. Can't you see that as your job?"

"I'm trying. I just can't shut my brain off. The more time I spend away from work the more I fixate on the bad things that could happen."

"I still think you should talk to somebody, a professional."

"I've thought about that but there's nothing they'll say that I don't already know."

Darren smirked at her, "You're too smart for therapy?"

"Sounds bad but honestly, I tell them my fears and they say what? Control the things you can and let go of the things you can't. Hope for the best prepare for the worst?"

"You honestly think therapy has been around all these years and is as expensive as it is and all they do is spout tired platitudes?"

She sat up and shrugged a little. "Maybe not, but they can't change any if it. They can't tell me that I'm going to be alive to see my kids grow up, or that I'm not going to become this sick person that no one hires and when people you used to work with see you they make that face, that condescending, you poor thing face, no therapist is going to convince me that marrying you wasn't the most selfish thing I've ever done and I'm not ruining your life just a little more every day."

"Jesus fuck woman, let's go in order here okay? No one gets a guarantee, no parent knows how long they have with their kid. There are as many ways to die as there are people, more probably.

As far as no one hiring you, you are so stupidly talented at what you do, and you're mid chemo and people are hiring you, I don't think I've seen one person look at or treat you differently but if they do I know my wife well enough to know she will tell them to fuck off."

He was kneeling on the bed, ticking points off on his fingers. "And finally you have to help me out here because I must be the worlds worst husband if you think you're ruining my life. I'm an asshole who doesn't tell you how happy you make me or some shit, tell me, tell me what I'm doing wrong."

She screwed up her lips and watched him for a minute. Clearly deciding how to react. "Ok, I'm a jerk, I'm over reacting to the fact that I'm pregnant and cancerous and have a husband who is on the verge of being the Hollywood IT guy and would rather stay out all night than come home and watch my hair fall out. You're 100% right, you're the best husband ever and I'm a bitch because when you asked and asked and asked me to tell you what was going on with me I finally broke down and did. I'll see a therapist so I don't have to upset you with my self indulgent worries."

She started for the shower but he stopped her, "Uh uh. No. We're not going to do this fighting for the sake of fighting crap. I started it, okay, but I didn't expect you I up the ante. Come sit down."

She relented, hating the things she'd said and how much she sounded like a truculent teen.

"I'm sorry."

"Me too. Can we talk about the me wanting to stay out all night instead of coming home to you thing?"

"No, I was just being stupid, let's pretend I didn't say that ok?"

"No, you've been dropping little hints here and there about it. Please, let's talk about it."

"I understand about working late, obviously, and I get wanting to be at as many social events as possible because you're networking, it's part of your job and you're good at it. You're allowed to love it. You should be enjoying it, when you go to a premiere, and then to the after party I have no issue, but when you're the guy closing down the after after party at least 3 nights a week I start to feel line you're avoiding coming home. And I can't blame you because this is your time to do exactly that. There's no reason you shouldn't be making the most of these opportunities and enjoying the hell out of them. It makes me feel guilty for being upset. I think about how you could be seeing all of these gorgeous party girls or how at the very least if I wasn't sick I could be at these things with you... I know you're going to tell me you love me and your staying out has nothing to do with avoiding me and..."

"You love filling in what other people are going to say. Do I get to talk for myself?"

"Of course."

"The girls at these places as stunningly beautiful. Some are funny and bright and some are vapid and self involved and none of them are you. Nobody put a gun to my head to marry you. I want this, I want us.

I love being that guy at the late night party who plays tunes on the piano while the stragglers sing along and there's this weird sense of community and collaboration just like college only with these really famous people that I have no business being around. I don't think twice about hurrying home because I know how independent you are and that you like your space. I don't think about you as being sick except when you overdo it and I can see you're dragging ass but won't let up.

Do I wish you were out there with me? 110% but I'm never going to force you to go out when you don't want to and I don't think you'd ever want me to come home out of a sense of obligation. Am I wrong?"

"No, you aren't, everything gets run through this filter of insecurity lately, I think it's probably hormones. I appreciate you not treating me with kid gloves but is it too selfish of me to want you to stay home with me every now and then and snuggle?"

"I'd rather do that than anything in the world."


	24. Chapter 24

"Could you possibly look a little less excited right now?" Adam laughed and shook his head. 

Issey was on her feet and out from behind the sound board for the first time all day. "I'm sorry but this is so exciting!"

"You get excited about very weird shit."

"Dude, I've been listening to you hit every note perfectly for almost a month, you haven't needed me at all, and then BAM, finally, something I can help with." 

They had been working on Adam's song 'Better Than I Know Myself' when Issey realized the one rough spot in an otherwise flawless voice. "The top end of your chest voice goes right to your nose, it's incredible. I'd expect that from your middle voice, but this is really the second you switch to chest."

Adam raised his brows and nodded barely containing his smile. "You're the only person I know that thinks noticing a problem is like finding an Easter egg." 

"Sue me, I like to be useful." 

"You are useful, your insights have been incredible." 

"But not what you're paying me for. Up, c'mon, off the stool."

"Oh Crap, really? We're gonna do the whole vocal exercise thing? You know I do warm ups every day right?"   
"Yeah hotshot that's how you learned to sing around the issue. Now you're going to learn to sing through it." She stopped talking and exhaled hard. 

"Is that a breathing exercise because I usually do it with a huh sound." 

"No, that's my children kicking the hell out if me." She held her belly and did the exhale again.

"Woah! I totally just saw your hand jump."   
She let him feel and he beamed, "I can't wait to meet these two, are you sure you can't give me a hint about their names?"

"I told you, too much of our lives are out there, Darren and I decided that no one but us would know their names until they hear it them themselves."

"Fair enough but I'm just saying Adam is a solid name." 

"Noted. Now back to work, blow air out while making noise, leave your lips loose so they vibrate."

"Oh Honey, this one I've got." He did the exercise perfectly. It was something familiar to anyone who took vocal lessons. 

"Now do a full scale up and down like that then without changing the position of your throat or inside your mouth go into the same scale on ma." He tried it and immediately went to his nose when he added the syllable. "Damn!" 

"Again, just concentrate on your mouth position forget the throat for now."

"Why do vocal lessons always sound so dirty?" 

"Because you're a perv, go." They worked on it until he felt what she was looking for and got it right a few times. "That's enough, try to remember how that feels and work on it until I see you again." 

He began packing his stuff, "Have you talked to your husband about what I asked you?" 

"Not yet, Adam, I just don't know if I'll be up to touring over the summer." 

"I'm not saying you have to be at every date, just fly out every other week to keep me on track." 

"Maybe, that's the best I can give you for now." 

After working with Adam she had a rehearsal with Chris. He was dragging his ass and despite it being after noon looked like he had just woken up. "You look like shit." 

"You always know what to say. If your husband could get his lines right I wouldn't have been working until dawn." 

"What time did you get up today?" Chris fell onto the sofa, clearly in no hurry to hit the studio. 

"11, why?" 

"Because my husband was shooting until 5 am, came home, napped, showered, and went to dance rehearsal at 8." 

Chris's face was passive, "there's a difference."

"Which is?" "Darren's insane. Saw Adam leaving, how close is he to finishing the album?"

"Close enough, we're down to nitpicking now"

"You look like you're going to drop those babies any minute."

"Thanks. Move over." She settled on the couch and balanced her swollen feet on the coffee table. "So tell me about the movie." 

"It's almost out of post, there are still a hundred things I'd change but at some point you have to let go." 

"Uh huh, good job pretending I was actually asking about the movie. Have you asked this Will guy out yet or what? Pretty soon he's going to be finished with the movie and you're never going to see him again."

"I'll see him again." Chris closed his eyes and lay his head back, getting comfy. 

"When?"

"Let's just say when Darren came home and took a nap I went home and didn't" 

She shoved his shoulder, "You SLEPT with him?"

"I might have." 

"And?" 

"And it gets better every time"

"Asshole! How long has this been going on?"

"He asked me out about a week and a half ago, one thing led to another. He's sort of perfect."

"Aw Chris, I'm really excited for you."

"Excited enough to let me sleep instead of rehearsing?" 

"I'll give you a half hour." 

Darren came home while she was still working with Chris. He hung out in the studio for a little bit until Issey shoo'd him upstairs for some sleep with a promise of making him dinner later. He'd been working non stop trying to get his lines and songs down for How To Succeed every second he wasn't working on Glee. His agent came to him constantly with offers for various appearances and he was invited to more openings, parties and shows than he'd ever have time to attend. 

Issey had finished a round of Chemo and was feeling pretty good other than the constant heartburn from the babies. Well, that and feeling like she weighed enough for three full grown people.

Chris's phone toned a text and he smiled when he checked it. "Oooh, is that the boyfriend?"

"It is, he wants to know if I want him to bring home dinner." 

"Tell him to bring us dinner too. I'm too tired to hold up my end of the cooking bargain tonight."

"If I tell him that he'll come here and cook for you. He's that kind of guy." 

"Hey, ask him if he wants to come here for dinner. I'll make some salad and we can throw some steaks on the grill."

"You sure Darren's gonna want company? He's pretty zonked." 

"You aren't company, you're family and I need to meet this guy." Chris would agree only after Issey called Darren who answered his phone with a groggy grunt. When Darren told them on speaker that he didn't care if they invited the queen as long as no one expected him to stay awake for the whole meal that was good enough for Chris. 

As Will walked in the door Issey had to bite her lip to keep from saying how much he and Chris looked alike. Not like twins, but definitely like brothers. She wanted to be a critical eye, to see Will clearly so she could warn Chris of any danger signs he might have missed but she was charmed from the start. Will had the same ease and ability to fit in as Darren did. He smiled from his heart. 

They all pitched in with dinner which turned out way better than anything Is could have cooked on her own. Darren caught a second wind somewhere around the dessert Will brought and suggested they all play Balderdash. Board games with this little foursome turned out to be a fantastically hysterical idea and they all agreed to do this again. Chris left his car there, Darren promising to drive it to set in the morning. 

In the car on the way home Will turned down the radio, "I get the thing with you and Issey now."

"She's great right?" 

"Yeah, she is but I mean you guys are pretty cute together. She totally called you on every piece of bullshit you tried to sell." 

"Can't say I love that. I have no way of winning Balderdash when she reads me so well." 

Will took one hand off the wheel and reached for Chris's,"I think you secretly love how well she knows you. I think it's sweet the way you two care about each other." 

"What did you think of Darren?"

"He's a pretty cool guy, at first I thought wow this guy is unflappable" 

"Oh, 'cause when the oven mitt caught fire"

"And he was like Joe Cool and just put it out like no big deal."

"In fairness that's because it's the fourth one he's caught on fire screwing around at the grill."

"Yeah? Dork. Anyway, I was almost a little put off with how pulled together he was but then I caught the way he kind of panicked every time she'd seem a little uncomfortable. It was like he was waiting for something he could do to make everything better."

Meanwhile Darren and Issey cuddled on the sofa. "He was cute." 

"He's totally in love."

Issey craned her neck to look at him , "Chris?"

"Will, did you see the way he watches him? He's hooked."

"I was surprised at the touching, Chris is usually so much more reserved with that sort of thing in front of people."

"Not the way I remember it, he always had his hands on you." 

"I think your perception might have been a little skewed there babe ." 

"Possibly. Anyway I'm happy for them, they're comfortable with each other and it seemed to have slowed down the longing glances in your direction."

"Old news, how was dance rehearsal?"

"Brutal. I'm running on fumes already." 

"And you still have so much to do. I wish I could be more help." 

He kissed the top of her head, "you're plenty of help. You've slowed down a little, you're resting more, and you brought me a homemade lunch at work 3 times this week. You have no idea how much it helps to see more of you." 

"Well, I have to admit slowing down does feel better but now that I'm the approximate size of a Thanksgivings Day balloon I don't have a lot of choice."

"Prettiest balloon I've ever seen." 

"Oh, one of the babies thinks you're funny."

He placed a hand over the spot that she indicated, "it's past your bedtime little one, You let Mama Bear and I chat."

"And I do have something to talk to you about. Adam has asked me to work on his tour this summer and it got me to thinking." 

"That we're going to have infant twins and it might not be the best time to be running all over the world?"

"Not exactly. I did tell him I can't do the entire tour but that I'd discuss the possibility of flying out once every few weeks for a fine tuning." 

"I suppose that could work. If you're feeling well."

"Exactly. But not the point, it got me thinking about the bus."

"Okay ..." 

"One of our concerns with my coming to New York with you was my flying, but I don't have to. I can take the bus, you'll have to fly to get there quick but I can be really comfortable on the bus, and maybe I can get someone to come with me, my sister or your mom. I don't know but it kind of comforts me to think of having the bus with me." 

He lit up, "I had mostly given up on you coming with me. You have no idea how excited I'd be to have you there. I hated the thought of not being together so close to your due date." 

Walker lifted his head from his spot on the floor and snuffled in her direction. "Oh don't worry Walker, you'll love the bus. It's like you're going for ride all the time."

"Why did you say the r word?" Darren laughed as he pulled the suddenly super excited dog from his lap. 

"Take him for a short one, I'll clean the kitchen and meet you in bed ." 

"Deal."


	25. Chapter 25

"You sure you don't want to take a break?" Grant watched Issey's head bob as if she were falling asleep and waking up repeatedly. 

"Not a chance pal, we're getting through this today. We need to get the scenes filmed as fast as possible, Brad and Ryan are on my ass about how far behind we are." She was wondering how she was going to get through the next 20 minutes let alone another 2 hours of recording but they needed to get ahead of the game in order for Darren to get as much rehearsal time as possible in New York. 

Alex entered quietly, "how's it going in here?"

"We're getting there. You?"

"Naya sounds great but the board is crapping out in studio C, been complaining about it for weeks. You okay?"

"A little tired." She patted her belly, "comes with the territory." 

"You look flushed, your eyes are a little red. Why don't I take over in here, we can't get much done in there anyway."

"It's just hot in here. We're still mostly rehearsing, if you guys are down to tracks we can switch studios."

"Is, it's freezing in here." Alex touched the back of his hand to her cheek, "you're burning up. I think you'd better call it a night."

"Fever. It's from the chemo. Really, I'm okay."

"I'm calling Darren. You need to go home."

"He's on set until late. Let him be."

"I will if you go grab a nap." 

That was Tuesday. The fever never broke and the exhaustion became insurmountable so Issey had no choice but to stay in bed until Friday. It would be the last dose of the last round of chemo until after the twins were born. 

Darren had wanted to take her out to celebrate but she could barely hold her head up. She settled into her chemo chair, the ever faithful Walker next to her. Everyone brought little treats and toys for him to show him how much better he made their days. He accepted gratefully and with impeccable manners.

"Morning Isabelle, last round today huh?" Doris was cheerful as always as she set the drugs up. 

"Thank God, I don't think my body can take much more."

"You getting sick again?"

"Fever, and I'm so tired I can't get anything done."

"You take your temp this morning?" 

"No, I took it last night, 101.2"

"I'm gonna grab it now if you don't mind."

"Be my guest." Issey didn't pay much attention, falling asleep quickly once the medication was started. 

"Isabelle?" She opened her eyes to find Dr. Burchsted bending next to her. 

"Dr. B, don't usually see you down here. How are you?" Issey tried to get her bearings as she woke. 

"I'm fine. Seems like you're running a pretty high temp."

"Yeah, that's normal though right?"

"It can be, but Doris told me it's been high for a little while."

"Earlier in the week, yeah."

"I'm going to have you come upstairs to my office when you're done here." 

"You think something's wrong?"

"I think you're not feeling well and we should touch base about that."

"I'll have to bring Walker up." 

"He's always welcome." 

When Issey got to Dr. B's office she didn't have to wait. "Can you call Darren and ask him to pick up Walker? I'd like to admit you today, get you hydrated and check on the fever." 

"Can I bring him home and come back? I'd like to get some things."

"I'd rather you not drive can someone bring them?" 

"You're that worried?"

"I don't think you should be driving now, no."

"It's just bad timing. I have a lot going on." 

"You might have too much going on. I won't force you, but I'd prefer if we admit you right away, I'm calling Dr. Chandravarti to come check on the babies as well."

"Alright, let me call and see if someone can come get the dog." Walker looked up at her and sniffed. "I'm sorry, come get Walker. He doesn't like being called, The Dog."

She called Joey and got his voice mail. Against her better judgement she called Darren. "Hey, you all done?"

"Sort of. Dr. B wants to admit me because of the fever but I've got Walker with me. I can't get Joey, can you find someone to come pick him up?"

"I'll be there as soon as I can, sit tight, where are you now?" 

"You can't leave set, I'm at Dr. B's office. Don't worry about it, I'll call the car service to come grab him. I'll give you a call when I'm settled." 

"Are you insane? I'm leaving now." With that he hung up not giving her the opportunity to argue. 

Joey arrived only 20 minutes later, Darren had caught him leaving the gym nearby and asked him to get Walker so he could stay with Issey when he got there. Walker was only too happy to be getting out of the hospital but not especially excited to leave Issey behind.

By the time Darren got there Issey was in a room. She was asleep again when he came in. He waited quietly, watching her sleep and feeling fear eat away at his insides. She looked pale beneath the flush of the fever and he had to admit, though he rarely let himself think it, she looked sick. 

Dr. Burchsted and Dr. Chandravarti came in together after 20 minutes of nail biting worry. Darren stood as they entered. "She's been asleep since I got here. What's going on?"

"I'm not sure but her fever gives me concerns about the cancer spreading. I asked Dr. C to join us to make sure her condition isn't putting the twins in distress."

"Today was her last dose of chemo, until earlier this week she was doing so well. I know we changed the meds this time, could that be the problem?"

"It could. We're erring on the side of caution here. I'd rather be proactive about my concerns." 

Darren ran his hand through his hair, forgetting that he was a gelled into the Blaine helmet. He motioned to the bag hooked to her IV.  
"What's that?" 

"Saline. She's dehydrated. I want to fix that before we do any further investigating. I'm going to be honest Darren, I'm concerned that the cancer is advancing. It's possible she's in stage IV."

Darren sat with a thud, the wind knocked out of him. Tears pricked behind his eyes and he pressed his tongue to the roof of his mouth to stop them. Stage IV was incurable. Life expectancy was not nearly what it was in stage III. "I...how likely...what do we do?" So many questions raced through his mind but he couldn't voice the only one he cared about, "how long will I have her?" 

"I want to stabilize her, get the babies checked out, then we'll run some tests. We won't know really for a week or two. In the meantime I'd like to keep her here."

Darren could only nod. 

"I'm going to wake her up, we need to get an ultrasound." Dr. Chandravarti wheeled the machine into the room from where the intern had it parked in the hall. 

"Let me." Darren reached his hand out and brushed it against Issey's cheek. "Honey? Can you, can you wake up?" His voice broke with the thought that one day the answer would be no. 

She swatted at his hand as if it were a fly before realizing where she was. "Hey, when did you get here. Are you crying?" Panic rose in her voice and her hands went automatically to her belly, "what's happening?"

"Shh, it's okay Babe, it's okay. I just got a little choked up seeing you looking so tired. I should be home taking care of you more." 

"Rubbish. You shouldn't even be here now, go back to work, you're over tired and over emotional but you have to get everything done before next week."

"Forget Glee, forget New York, I'm staying right here."

The ultrasound showed less fetal movement than the last few. It was possible they were sleeping but the dehydration and fever could be making them lethargic. 

"What's the danger to them? The dehydration or the fever?" Darren thumbed across Issey's hand nestled in his.

"There is some talk of correlation between high fever and birth defects but your fever does not appear to be high enough to cause concern and most of the research available suggests it is more likely to occur if your fever happens I your first trimester. My biggest concern right now is preterm labor. We're going to do all we can to make sure that doesn't happen. If you feel anything remotely like a contraction you tell a nurse immediately. Also if you notice any strange vaginal discharge let us know." 

When the doctors were done for the day and the saline drip finished Issey's eyelids were once again drooping. "I'm no company. You should go, they're probably freaking out on set"

"I'm going back to finish one scene, then I'm gonna come sleep here. Do you want anything from home?"

"Just you."


	26. Chapter 26

Issey woke in the middle of the night needing to pee, again. Getting hydrated was all well and good but with two little bundles of joy bouncing on your bladder it made for a lot of trips to the potty.

She noted that Darren had slipped in some time after her last march to the loo and was now snoring indelicately in the plush rocker next to her bed.

When she slid back onto the mattress she took a few seconds to examine his face in the moonlight seeping in through the slatted blinds of the hospital windows.

He was scruffy even though he'd undoubtedly shaved less than 8 hours ago if he was shooting so late. There was no gel left in his hair which meant he'd showered before coming in.

"I can feel you watching me." He said opening one eye.

"Sorry, guess I'm still a creep."

He rubbed his eyes and stretched looking at the clock. "Why are you up?"

"Bathroom."

"Right."

She laid back into bed and motioned for him to join her. "Do you remember our first kiss?"

"Of course. It was after we slept together for the first time."

"Technically, and more like during than after."

"I recall. What's got you thinking about that?"

"I don't know. I just was. That was the best afternoon of my life."

"Better than our wedding?"

"Yes. Better because it was the first time I felt what it was like to be loved by you, and it was a total revelation. Our wedding was beautiful but that was the day my heart changed forever."

"Is it?" He shuffled them both until they found a way to be comfortable on the tiny hospital bed. "I feel like I was working my ass off for a long time after that to get you to trust me."

"I didn't say I trusted you then, but I knew how much I wanted to. I knew I found the single most magical thing that would ever happen to me. I'm sorry I made you work so hard for me, you didn't deserve it."

"I kinda did, what with the whole Mia thing and all. Funny thing is I never minded."

She snorted softly, "Yes you did."

"No. I minded the...Chris of it all, but I didn't mind having to work to get you to trust me."

She toyed with his watch and stroked his arm, "I wish things had gone differently, but I can't say I regret my time with him."

"You know when I realized I was falling for you?"

"Tell me."

His voice was hoarse from work and lack of sleep, "It was probably 3 days after we met, you were on the balcony with Chris and Lea working on their song and I was in with Zach and the Warblers working on synching up our moves. I was trying to listen to Zach but kept watching you through the glass, finally he smacked me in the arm and said, 'I don't know who you plan on punching but if you don't stop making fists when I'm trying to teach you hand movements I'm gonna throw a few myself.' I looked down and my knuckles where white, and I realized watching the way you two were with each other made me want to knock Chris out."

"No, really?"

"You were charming and funny with everyone but there was a connection there that scared me. That's when I realized I would be crushed if what I thought was happening between us was just how you were with people.

I told myself it was just one of those things that gay guys and some women click, but with me you let down your guard, you slept, that was so precious to me, that you let yourself sleep with me by your side."

"That was big for me too."

"But then opening night I found you sleeping with him. I tried to be cool about it but it bummed me out. You know what though? In the end I'm, not exactly happy, but relieved I guess that you and he gave it a shot."

"Why?"

"I'd always be watching the two of you, wondering how long before the sexual tension got to you and you gave in. Now it's passed, been there, done that and I know that ultimately you chose me."

"Part of me always knew there wasn't a choice at all. This is where I belong." She pulled his arm tighter around her.

"If you told me the day before we met that in less than a year I'd be married with twins in the way, let alone on Broadway and a full cast member in Glee I'd have asked what you were smoking, it's been a crazy few months."

"I know what you mean, forget married and pregnant and fighting cancer, if you had told me I was going to fall in love, ever, I'd have laughed in your face."

"That breaks my heart."

"Every second of believing I'd be alone forever was worth it to end up with you"

He kissed her and let her snuggle into his side and before he could say anything in response she was asleep again.

In the morning Dr. Burchsted came in while the two were still snoozing together. They pulled it together and sat attentive and nervous.

"Dr. Chandravarti and I are in agreement that we would like you to stay in the hospital until the twins are born. Probably after as well.

As suspected the cancer is not responding well to treatment. Until the twins are born we have very few options but there are some things we can do.

The good news is you have not advanced to stage IV as of yet. We'd like to do all we can to keep it that way.

I'd prefer to keep you here where I can track your progress personally but I know the two of you have plans to spend six weeks in New York so I have pulled some strings to get you a private room at Memorial Sloan Kettering in the city. "

"Wait, I have to stay in the hospital until I have the babies?" Issey shook her head, "I really want to go home."

Darren rubbed her back, sensing she was close to tears. "Can't we hire a nurse to stay with Issey around the clock or something?"

"You could but there are a number of factors I'd like you to consider. First, at the hospital we have both the personnel and the equipment to handle emergent situations. Having a nurse nearby is not the same.

Second your immune system is severely compromised, at the hospital we can ensure a more hygienic environment, particularly at Memorial as they are strictly a cancer center.

I also feel you would benefit greatly from some of the programs they have available. There is emotional support in both group and private sessions. They have nutritionists, paint therapy, music therapy, yoga classes, it feels more like a community of people in the same situation than a hospital."

"I need to be able to see Darren's opening and closing night, and Christmas will be here, I haven't got any of the shopping done."

"I'm not sure leaving the facility would be wise given your immunity situation but you will not be a prisoner , if you choose to leave for a few hours no one will stop you. I would strongly advise you wear a mask be vigilant about hand washing and limit excursions to the absolute necessary."

"I'm so grateful you secured this for me, please don't think I'm not, it's just I have so much to do before the twins come."

"Priority one needs to be your health, and by extension, theirs. "

"It is, I know, I'm just frustrated , I wanted to enjoy this."

"You have every right to be frustrated, angry, scared, all of it. I think the counseling available at Memorial will be a great comfort to you. There are groups with others who have been where you are now and have come out the other side, they bring hope, tips, tricks and most of all an understanding that physicians cannot."

Issey agreed to the arrangement.

Before they left for New York Dr. Chandravarti had concerns, one of the babies heart beats seemed stronger than the other. The baby with the stronger heart was moving more than the other, and was larger.

She'd told them it was their daughter that was a little behind their son, but advised this could be temporary, they could be a slow down with him at which point she could catch up. It was something she would share with her New York counterpart and keep close tabs on.

The evening before they were meant to leave for New York Darren was filming all night. Chris had to be there for most of it but managed to sneak out to visit and say goodbye.

"I'm going to miss you buddy." He dropped a kiss on her head and lay a large bag on her lap. It was a Christmas gift bag, elegant and glimmering.

"You too. It isn't Christmas yet."

"You'll be in New York, and you can use these things now."

"I've ordered yours but it isn't here yet, I couldn't get out to"

He raised his hand at her as he settled into the chair he'd dragged to her bedside. "Shut up. Stop feeling like you have to keep up with the world, you don't. You've spent enough time being on top of everything. Surrender to the relaxation."

"Like I have a choice."

"Exactly, you don't so settle in and open your gifts."

He'd bought her cozy fleece lounge pants and matching tops in maternity sizes to be warm and comfortable at the hospital, super funky leopard print soft soled slip ons that looked like shoes but felt like slippers, a journal titled "Messages from Mom" for her to write to the twins and a few bottles of lotions to pamper herself when she wasn't feeling pretty.

She held on to the journal as he set everything else aside for Darren to pack later. She thanked him and told him how much she appreciated the thoughtfulness of his choices.

"What are you going to do over break?"

"Going back to London, and Paris."

"Alone?"

"No." A flush climbed his neck and reddened his ears ,

"Really? So it's going well."

"I don't want to jinx it but it just feels completely right. We make each other laugh, he gets that I go into this wormhole when I write. His friends have all been great. I'm so at home with him."

"I'm so happy for you, he seems like a good fit."

"I've never traveled like this let alone with someone else, I hope it doesn't ruin us."

"Look at all the things that should have ruined Darren and I, or even you and I but we all have stronger relationships because of everything that went down. If it's right, it's right and if it isn't it won't matter where you are."

"I'll call you constantly, and I expect updates if anything happens."

They hugged for a long time and when he left Chris stayed at the door watching her like he'd never see her again.

Darren looked as if he hadn't slept in weeks. He shouldered the bag of things she still had at the hospital and they set out. Despite the ridiculous looking mask she wore Issey was dizzy with excitement at being outside the hospital walls.

Getting through the airport was a nightmare. Fans were aware of Darren's flight time and despite the late hour they turned out in force. He did his best to be sweet and take as much time as they were able to snap pictures and sign things. He hugged as many of them as he could then apologized that they had to catch their flight.

Through all of this Issey tried to stay out of the way but some fans wandered in her direction to ask how she was feeling, how the twins were, whether she knew the sex yet and asked for hugs. They wished her well and asked if there was somewhere they could send cards or gifts for the babies .

Caught off guard and not at all in work mode Issey let them know it was sweet of them, that the babies didn't need gifts but she'd love to get cards to put into a book for them. She told them the hospital she would be at in New York, originally thinking that she'd like to have a task for the kids if they got a few cards with nice messages.

Seated in first class, the plane not even in the air Issey looked at Darren with panic on her face. "Shit."

He was tired and on edge, "What? Oh my God I knew we should have brought a nurse on the plane."

She touched his arm to calm him and hopefully get him to lower his voice. "Shhh, we"re fine, I just realized I did something stupid, like , colossally stupid."

He relaxed into his seat, "How bad could it be?"

"I just told a group of fans where I'm staying in New York." She hung her head.

"Tell me you're kidding."

"I'm not, I wasn't thinking."

"We're going to have to call them and warn them."

"They're gonna hate me."

The flight felt more like home than anything else had since she'd been put in the hospital. The mask drew a few looks but otherwise it felt normal to be in the air .

When they turned their phones back on they each had a number of urgent voice mails, They had come up with an alternate entrance for Issey to the hospital because a crowd of Darren's fans had already gathered hoping to see him arrive. The hospital wanted to let Issey know calls were already coming in for her room at an alarming rate and wanted to know if she wanted to create a password for those she wanted to be let through.

The driver sent by the How To Succeed producers was in a gigantic black Escalade.

Most of their luggage had been sent ahead so there was only the two of them and two carry on bags to load. Moving through JFK was easier, it was 4am when they arrived and neither had slept at all on the flight.

Darren began to tell the driver the new instructions for the hospital but she had been looped in already.

As promised they were met at a back entrance and brought up to Issey's room. She waived away the wheelchair out of pride though she was feeling tired.

Her room was large with windows overlooking the front of the building, a seating area and a desk, almost like a small hotel suite. Otherwise in its coloring and accommodations it was very much a hospital room.

There were flowers already waiting for her, five arrangements, one from Darren, one from Chris and Will, one from Ryan, Ian and Brad and one from her parents.

She changed into one of the lounge sets Chris had given her and fell into bed.

Darren had a dance rehearsal at 7 so decided to catch whatever sleep he could there with her rather than head to his apartment.

Not that there was much sleep to be had. Everyone under the sun bustled in and out of the room, getting her vitals, taking blood samples, explaining the schedule and checking on the babies after her flight.

At 6:30 looking like walking death and with exactly no sleep under his belt Darren kissed his wife goodbye and headed out.


	27. Chapter 27

Feeling weaker by the day Issey did her best to go to every therapy session offered. She found herself especially drawn to the arts and crafts offerings and was working on a stained glass window hanging for the babies rooms.

Darren was frenetic, calling her as often as he could but his schedule allowed for very little time to visit with her. On the rare occasion that he had a free hour or two he would come to the hospital only to fall asleep in front of the television.

His mother visited almost daily, bringing her little goodies or anything Issey had asked for. Her parents, and her sister's family were coming in for opening night which was only two days away.

She had talked to her doctors at Memorial and gotten them to agree that she could take a car service to the show and return after dinner with the family.

Her sister called her to see if there was anything she could bring or do for her .

"Honestly Soph I'm excited for Darren and I really want to see him do this but I'm having so much anxiety about going."

"Why? Are you worried he isn't going to pull it off?"

"God no, he's got this, I'm almost afraid to not be in the hospital. I know it sounds crazy but it's the only plan that feels safe. What if I catch something, what if I'm putting the babies in danger?"

"The doctors wouldn't agree to let you go if they felt the danger was that high."

"I practically forced them to say I could go. It's not just that, I haven't worn anything but pajamas and sweats for a month. I don't even know what size I wear, I can't go shopping, what the hell will I wear to this thing. People go all black tie and gowns to opening night."

"I'm wearing a nice dress but I'm not wearing a gown."

"You don't have to but I'm the wife of the star, I have to look like a person."

Sophia was cheerful "I'll come into the city this afternoon and we'll find something."

"I can't go shopping."

"I know that dopey, we'll look online, find some designs you like. I'll go pick up some dresses and bring then to you to try on."

Issey protested that Sophie had enough to do but at 1:15 her sister showed up with a dress already in hand. "We can still look around but I saw this and fell in love. I don't know if it's even close to your size."

When she took the bag off her sister had found a stunning royal purple sheath floor length dress that had convert able straps that could be worn in a million combinations.

"If this doesn't fit I'm going to cry, it's perfect."

"Try it, let's see."

Issey got her bra with the built in falsies, knowing trying on the dress without it was a waste of time.

In the bathroom she said a little prayer and draped the luxurious fabric over her head.

It fell gracefully around her and created a lovely silhouette. She came out and Sophie helped her did the straps into a heart shaped sweetheart neckline.

"We have to get you a really great necklace and a wrap so you don't freeze. What do you have for shoes?"

"I have heels but I don't really think I can walk in them at this point."

"Okay, can you fit in your regular size or have you gone up a size?"

"Up to an 8. I can't thank you enough for this. I really should hire an assistant."

Sophie waved the comment away and helped Issey get out of the dress. "I'll run to Saks and grab what we need. Anything else you want while I'm out?"

"Perfume, I didn't bring any."

"What kind?"

"Surprise me. Here, take my credit card. How much was the dress?"

"Forget it."

"Don't be crazy, tell me or I won't wear it."

"$300.00"

Issey wrote her a check for the dress and made her take her card for everything else telling her to buy herself something extravagant on her.

While Sophie was shopping Issey called down to the "look good, feel good" room and asked for help with her hair situation.

She hadn't lost all of her hair but it had thinned noticeably. She'd been thinking of going to look at the wigs and clip ins they had for awhile but felt vain about it. Now she had a good excuse to check it out.

When she got into the salon room of the hospital she found herself surrounded by wigs in every imaginable length, color and cut.

Deirdre, a middle aged woman with a cheerful attitude welcomed her. "Isabel? Come on in! Have a look around."

"Hi. I um, I'm not sure I want a full wig."

Deirdre ran her fingers through Issey's hair. "No, you don't need one really. We can clip in some pieces here and here."

"Will it look natural? I don't want it to look fake."

"Trust me sweetheart, no one will know a thing. Let's try it and see what you think."

Issey sat while Deirdre worked, smacking her gum and asking her about her cancer, her pregnancy and the event she was getting dolled up for.

"Your husband's on Broadway? That's so cool. I love musicals, if course I don't go that often, my husband hates them so you know how it is."

"I don't really, we've only been married a few months."

"Yeah, but you don't have to worry, if he's on Broadway you'll be able to get him do anything."

Issey wasn't sure she followed this logic but she smiled in the mirror and nodded. "If you want to go I can get you tickets, leave the hubs at home and bring a friend."

"Really? I'd just love that! I can't remember the last time I had a night out with my friend Edna and she loves shows too."

"You got it. Hey, this looks really good, you're an artist."

Deirdre shrugged, "I've been doing it a long time. You look gorgeous."

"I'll settle for normal. Can you do this before the show?"

"Of course. I'll teach you to do it too so you can put them in every day if you want."

When Sophie returned carrying an armload of bags she stopped in her tracks, "Your hair! What did you do?"

"Does it look weird?"

"No, it looks perfect! If I hadn't seen you this morning I wouldn't have know it wasn't yours."

Issey sat on the bed, "Fake. Fake hair, fake boobs, Darren should have married a blow up doll."

Sophie sat beside her. "A blow up doll wouldn't have your sense of humor, or your intelligence, she would never have decorated the house as nicely as you, she'd probably go all bean bag chairs and TV trays, and she'd never have your heart, or give him two beautiful kids."

"Thanks Soph. I know I shouldn't complain."

"Of course you should, if if were me I'd be bitching about everything. I think this night out will be good for you."

"It will be good to be out of here."

"I saw Darren's tweet asking everyone to stop hanging outside the hospital and all that. How's it been?"

"Oh, mostly it's been better. Look at this though," Issey opened a huge plastic container in the corner of the room. "Cards and letters from his fans. Some are for Darren but a ton of them are for me or the twins. This is the fifth box. I read them and sort them. I'm making a scrapbook for the kids out of the special ones for them and keeping some for me. Some of them are really nice, some told me all about how cancer has affected their lives."

"That's so sweet."

"Every now and then though I get one that says they hope I die. They say I deserve the cancer for what I did with Chris. They say Darren deserves better and he'd be better off if I'd kill myself and stop sucking the life out of him."

Sophie turned red. "That's the most disgusting thing Ive ever heard. You show me those, I'll hunt those little pissers down and ring their necks with my bare hands."

"I ignore it, but sometimes when I can't sleep it gets in my head and I ask myself if they aren't right. Wouldn't he be better off starting over with someone who didn't sleep with his coworker, isn't sick?"

"Have you talked to the therapist about this?"

"Yeah, and I know realistically they're wrong, it's just easy to fall into the self pity thing late at night."

Sophie hugged her tight, "Is you're amazing and if you need to get a reality check at 4 am please call me."

"I just, I'm kind of glad he's so exhausted. Which I know is selfish and terrible but there are literally lines and crowds of girls out there who can give him everything I can't."

"Darren adores you, he'd never look at another girl."

"He looked at me. When he was with Mia, and they seemed perfect for each other but he strayed with me. I'm not saying I think he'd cheat on me with some random girl bit I am saying he could fall for someone else, someone with real boobs, a belly that isn't a duplex...someone he could actually have sex with sometime in the foreseeable future."

"Ugh, how long has it been?"

"A month and three days. He hasn't said a word but it's awful."

"We went through the same thing. As soon as I went on bed rest they said no more hanky panky. At first I was relieved because I was bloated and exhausted but after awhile it was impossible."

"The worst part is it probably won't change after the twins are born.  
I'm not even sure they're gonna let me go home with the babies."

" They have to!"

Issey shook her head. "They don't have to, they're basically just running down the click until they can safely take the kids and then start attacking this cancer with God knows what."

"I..." Sophie began to tear up, "I didn't know it was that bad. I thought you were just here because of the pregnancy, like just on bed rest I didn't realize...Isabel this is so unfair. You wait all this time and now you finally have a husband who loves you and two kids and before you can even enjoy them you have to be separated from them? It's not right!"

Issey sighed. "Of course it isn't but it is what's happening. I can get as mad or sad or anything else that I want, and I have, believe me, I've cried and thrown things and raged at the therapists but in the end the cancer is still there, waiting."

"Have you and Darren talked about what's going to happen if he has to bring home the babies without you there?"

"No, we never talk about after they're born, it's too scary. Right now we're just praying we keep them both. One of them isn't doing as wells as the other, I keep reading online about one twin surviving and the other being still born, I just don't think we could handle that now, not on top of everything else."


	28. Chapter 28

The morning of the show Darren stopped at the hospital before heading to the theater.

"I wish I could pick you up tonight." He sat with Issey on the sofa in her room.

"You have enough to do tonight. My parents will be in the car when they come to get me so everything will be fine."

"Are you going to be able to come back before the show?"

"I don't know. Maybe. I don't want to get there too early but if I do I'd rather be backstage than out front. I don't know how I'm going to wedge myself into those teeny seats."

"You can watch from the wings if you want. I'll have them put a comfy seat there for you."

"No, I'll manage, I want to see everything." She held his hand and rested her head on his shoulder. "I'm so proud of you."

"I'm the one who gets to play and make my dreams come true every day, it's you I'm proud of. I feel like the worst husband in the world."

"I'm pretty sure there are worse, I mean I bet Hitler forgot his anniversary every year."

"I'm serious, I should be here more. I feel guilty every time I laugh, I get lost in rehearsals and start having fun and then it hits me that you're here, fighting for the lives of everything I care about and I want to leave, tell them to get someone else. I just want to be here with you, doing something."

"I already feel like I'm holding you back, it kills me that because of me you can't completely enjoy this time." She shook her head and palmed the tears from her eyes. "Promise me the next time you manage to forget this crap and start having fun you'll go with it. I don't want you to let a second of happiness get away because of me."

"It isn't because of you, it's because of the situation. I hope you know I have no regrets."

"I know, and you're all I'll ever want so no more talk about being a lousy husband."

Sophia and her mother spent the late afternoon with Issey helping her get ready for the show. When the time came to leave her dad waited in the town car and remarked again and again about how beautiful she looked.

At the theater she texted Darren saying she wasn't coming backstage, she was sure she'd only be in the way and knew there would be so many people back there needing his attention. His parents, Chuck and Lucy and her family were clustered in the seats around her.

She could hear her name being whispered I'm conversation around her but concentrated instead on talking to her loved ones.

After what felt like forever the curtain went up and Darren began his Broadway debut.

He was clearly nervous but did extremely well. The audience was on his side with laughter and wild applause at the end of act one.

"I need to pee, maybe backstage would be the smarter choice."

Lucy went with her. They were stopped at the door where she showed her ID and was shown to the ladies room. On the way out she caught sight of Darren and gave him a big thumbs up. He was surrounded by make up and hair people getting him ready so she and Lucy went back to the audience. On the way to her seat she felt a tap on her shoulder. She'd dreaded any interaction with fans, never knowing how it would go but as she turned she was hugged by Deirdre the wig stylist from the hospital.

"Thank you so much for these tickets, I've never been to an opening night before! Darren is wonderful!"

She smiled in relief. "You're so welcome. Did your friend come with you?"

"Edna's getting us wine, she wanted to thank you too. This is so exciting. You look beautiful by the way."

"Thank you, you too!"

The lights dimmed and the ladies found their seats.

The second act was better than the first. Darren had found his rhythm and was enjoying himself. He cried during curtain call which made Issey cry as well.

After the show the family waited backstage while Darren did numerous interviews and then went to the stage door to pose for pictures , sign autographs and thank everyone for their support. Issey drifted off to sleep more than once but was determined to make it through dinner.

When it was at last time to leave for supper Issey and Darren took a separate car from the others.

"How are you feeling?"

"Tired but great. You were so good tonight, I can't believe you got through all of that choreography. I was holding my breath through Grand Old Ivy but you got it all. Amazing."

"I didn't, I screwed up like three times in that one and once in Brotherhood of Man, plus I went up on a bunch of lines."

"Well you covered perfectly because I had no idea."

They had dinner at a restaurant with stunning views of the city. The conversation was loud and lively with many toasts going up to the man of the hour.

Darren interacted with everyone but almost always kept a hand on Issey's back in a way that made her feel both treasured and protected.

When everyone was stuffed and drowsy they said their goodbyes. In the car Issey cuddled against Darren. "I know you have an after party to get to and I promised to head straight back to the hospital but can we go back to your apartment for just a little bit?"

"Our apartment and of course." He gave the driver new instructions and in no time they were home.

Once inside Darren didn't bother with the lights, he pulled her as close to him as possible and kissed her in a way he hadn't dared for a long time.

"Help me out of this dress."

He was happy to oblige, taking his time with the zipper and kissing each new inch of exposed skin on her back, the last at the base of her spine. It reminded Issey of when they were first getting to know each other and how he'd always been so reverent with her when she was at her most vulnerable.

Issey stood still waiting and Darren came around to slide the straps from around her neck, kissing her softly along her collarbone.

She laughed at her shaking fingers when she unbuttoned his shirt. It had been so long since they'd done this, even before she'd been hospitalized, she'd been a little too tired, a little too sick to feel up to romance.

Now it felt like something exciting, she felt alive, awake, completely at ease in her skin, an accomplishment in itself.

They made their way to the sofa, kissing as if any moment a parent might walk in and break up their fun.

"Is, this is..." He kissed her shoulder, "the best way to celebrate tonight I can imagine but you know we can't..."

She played her fingers along his ribs, "No, I can't. You can."

"Uh uh, we both do or no one does."

Sitting back she held his arm in one hand and scratched lightly along it with the other.

"Darren, I miss being intimate with you. This isn't a matter of me doing this for you, this is us, being together the only way we can right now."

"I feel bad, there should be something I can do for you."

"There is, forget what we can't do, let's just be together and enjoy ourselves as if there wasn't this whole cancer, pregnancy thing involved."

"Okay, but not down here, Let's go up to the bedroom and be comfortable."

She hadn't spent much time in the New York apartment so it felt strange, like being in a home that was supposed to theirs but felt like his. He had pictures of her on the nightstand on his side of the bed. One was from their wedding day, she was standing on the sand, alone, the wind blowing a strand of hair across her nose, her head thrown back in a laugh.

Another was of her posing with the rhinestone covered car at the Liberace museum the day after they got engaged. She leaned across the bed and picked up another, her at the piano on the deck of their room at the Red Rock. It was taken from inside the hotel, she tried to figure out when but couldn't place it.

"Where did you get this?"

He slid onto the bed beside her and took the frame from her hand. "I took it on my phone the last morning before I got moved out of your room, when you thought I was still sleeping."

She wrinkled her nose smiling, "Really?"

"Look how beautiful you are, sunlight on your hair, no idea anyone is watching you, just doing what you love."

She took the frame and put it back where she found it, wrapping her arms around his waist. "How do you always make me feel so special?"

"Honesty?"

He pushed her back against the pillow before she could say anything else.

It was glorious, just being together, alone, no one coming in to give her pills or take her blood. After, he was completely spent and barely awake, "We gotta get you back but I don't know how Im gonna let you go."

"I just want to sleep here, naked, next to you."

"Mmm, maybe just for a little while." They were his last words before he gave in to sleep.

At 5:23am Issey woke up to use the bathroom and realized what they'd done. She dug around to see if there was anything she conceivably fit into for the trek back to the hospital. There wasn't. There was no was she was getting back into the dress so she went downstairs and called her sister.

"Is! Are you okay?"

"Yeah, look I know it's stupid o'clock in the morning but I need a favor."

"Anything."

"I need you to go to the hospital and get me something to wear."

"You aren't at the hospital?"

"No, I snuck back to the apartment for awhile and kinda fell asleep."

"Where's Darren?"

"Sleeping. I kinda wore him our last night."

"Good for you! Give me the address I'll be there ASAP."

Issey showered while she waited. Moving around the house, being able to relax under the hot water of a shower she shared only with her husband with no one waiting just outside the door to be sure she was okay, she relished all little things she'd taken for granted before and hoped to one day again.

Sophie texted from the hospital to ask what she wanted specifically and that she'd be at the apartment in about 20 minutes.

Issey climbed back into bed in Darren's robe and stroked his sideburns lightly. He wiggled his nose and blinked awake.

"Hey," he said with a sleepy smile, then, putting things together as he came more awake, "Oh shit what time is it?"

"Why? You need me out of here before you girlfriend shows up?"

He tugged open the tie holding the robe closed and nuzzled against her skin, "No, she doesn't get off the pole until at least 11."

"Don't get too comfortable there, Soph's on her way with some clothes for me."

He sat up, picking his watch off of his nightstand. "You called your sister at this hour? Why didn't you just wake me?"

"No way I'm letting you get up this early. You've been exhausted."

"Slept great last night." He grinned at her. "I love having you here."

"I bet." She lifted her brows suggestively.

"Not that, well, not JUST that, but while we're on the subject that was amazing and I owe you, but all of it. I love you being close."

"Me too. If it were just me and not the babies I'd insist on leaving and doing everything outpatient but I can't be selfish with their lives."

"Of course not. No, I wouldn't gamble with yours either though."

"Let's cross that bridge when we come to it."

"I should get dressed before Sophie shows up."

"No need. I told her I was letting you sleep. Stay in bed."

His eyes got serious, he cupped her face in his palm, "I miss you."

"Me too."


	29. Chapter 29

The show was going well, and now that he had fewer rehearsals Darren was able to spend more time with Issey.

He went to yoga with her, where the women ogled him shamelessly.

Something about being terminally ill seemed to give them the freedom to act like spoiled children.

Darren played along happily but Issey found herself annoyed. There was no reason to stop living by the rules of good manners just because you had cancer.

It stuck with her so much that when she went to her one on one therapy (one of many different therapy types she recieced) she brought it up, her anger

palpable.

What specifically bothered you so much? Are you sure it wasn't jealousy over their flirtations with your husband?"

"My husband is a lightening rod for flirtation, no, it wasn't even this isolated incident, it's their 'get out of jail free' mentality that irritates me. They don't have to act their age, or respect anyone else's boundaries or feelings. They completely eschew responsibility of any kind. It's disgusting."

"We've talked before I believe about the idea that the things we find most unsavory in others are the those that mirror the what we dislike in ourselves. In this case I'd say perhaps you are feeling stuck between not being able to live up to all of the reaponsibilites you normally hand yourself and not wanting the ones you're still burdened with but feeling too guilty to ask for help. "

She stared at Issey in the maddening way all therapists had, like a dog with its head cocked to the side, watching you expectantly, waiting for you to magically allow their words of wisdom to transform you completely and fix everything.

This never happened, at least for Issey, so the staring went on for a rather long time until Issey imagined the therapist must have an awful crick in her neck and so would politely nod and say something encouraging as if she understood.

"I dunno, I guess. I just think people should try harder."

"You hold yourself to an impossible standard Isabelle. You try too hard to be too good and it can make the people around you feel judged and inferior."

She brought it up again in the therapy session she shared with Darren. It was something he had asked for, wanting to feel more involved in her wellness plan.

"She said I make other people feel judged. Do I make you feel that way?"

Darren considered this, "Not judged, unnecessary sometimes, but not on purpose." He tried to be gentle, his voice quiet.

This therapist, a man in his mid fifties with dashing grey at his temples and wire rimmed glasses asked Darren to elaborate.

"I guess sometimes she"

"Talk to her."

"I know it's because you're so used to being on your own but sometimes you're so independent, so focused on keeping this level of self sufficiency up its hard to know where I fit in."

"You fit in every where. I'm not saying you're wrong, if that's how you feel then I must be doing something to make you feel that way, I just don't get what you want. Do you want me to be more needy, because I feel like I've been one open weeping needy mess since the night we met."

"You let your guard down with me and I get how big that is for you, I appreciate it, honestly, but like, when you weren't in the hospital and I'd try to ask you to slow down you'd get upset. I'm not trying to stop you from being who you are but I am asking for the ability to express my concern without you shutting down."

Issey nodded.

"I also think you do things you don't want to do because you think they'll make me feel better, or make me not worry or whatever. Like you're trying to protect me from the ugly sides of what's happening. I don't want that, I want you to share all of it, lean on me, I can handle it."

"So weird. I feel like all I do is lean on you. Of course I want to save you from the horrors of this, why wouldn't I?"

"Do you hear what Darren is saying? Tell me what you hear when he says these things."

"He's being a good husband, a good man. It's who he is, through breeding, education, all of it. He wants me to know that he's good and understanding and maybe that I don't have to worry about him taking off if things get gross, but he can't know that. Even someone with the best intentions has a breaking point."

"No, I mean, partially, but I'm asking you to trust me, not so I can prove that I'm this perfect guy, but because I WANT to be a part of your life, all of it, and because if you keep going the way you are there won't be an us left. You can't keep all of the hard parts for yourself, it means I have to do the same. I didn't ask you to marry me so we could live separate lives and just come together to have sex or throw parties."

This rendered Issey silent for a long time.

Darren took her hand, "Is, I'm not trying to hurt you, I'm just asking you to let me all the way in, because I love you, every bit of you."

She sniffled and nodded but still didn't speak.

Darren sighed and directed his next comment to the doctor. "I want our babies with my whole heart but I wish she weren't pregnant."

At this Issey lost the battle with her tears and let them flow quietly down her cheeks.

"I think she sometimes feels like if it weren't for the babies she could walk away from me and hide somewhere like a wounded animal or that I'd leave her if we didn't have the tie of the twins. I'd have liked the opportunity to prove to her that I would hold on just as hard with or without them."

She found her voice, "You're right. If it weren't for the babies I'd have tried to take off, to shield you completely from having to deal with my sickness. I wouldn't have made you decide to go or stay. I don't think I knew that until you said it but it's true. I couldn't leave because it wasn't just you and I it would have affected but instead I tried to compartmentalize myself and only give you the parts of me I felt good about, and lately that hasn't been a whole lot."

"What can Darren do to make it easier for you to open up those parts if yourself to him?"

"Stop telling me how amazing I am, how proud you are of me. I appreciate what you mean by those things but it also makes me feel like I'm letting you down when I'm not playing the superhero."

"I can do that. Can I ask you for an honest answer to something that's been bothering me?"

"I'll try."

"I know you're proud of me and happy for me and all of that shit, but isn't some part of you mad as hell at me for dragging you to New York and not being here for you while you're so sick?"

"No. I'd be mad if you didn't do this. My biggest fear is holding you back. I have nightmares about standing in your way when there's something you want and I want to move and let you get it but I can't, I'm stuck there and my limbs are so heavy no matter how hard I try I can't get out of the way."

"My dreams are all coming true and you're a huge part of that. You aren't in my way, you ARE my way."

The session was the most powerful she'd had so far. Both she and Darren were drained from the emotional exorcism. It was a Monday so his show was dark. As they walked back to her room she leaned into him. "Thank you."

"For what?"

She smiled, "For hitting me over the head with how much you loved me, for wanting to know all of me, all of it."

"You're welcome. Hey, let's order in something tasty tonight and lay in bed watching a movie."

"Sounds awesome but I'm a little nauseous. You order in food for you, I'm going to stick to my regularly scheduled menu but you're so on for snuggling and a movie."

"See? Was that so hard? Old Issey would have ordered out with me and forced herself to eat food she didn't want."

"I'm trying. I do however reserve the right to feel better and eat half of whatever you get so nothing I'm not allowed to have okay?"

"Deal."

He got sweet and sour chicken with egg drop soup. She tasted the soup and had a bite of the chicken but otherwise stuck to her pre-planned meal.

They found a Thin Man movie marathon and briefly wondered if Walker would mind being renamed Asta.

They fell asleep, content and hopeful for a stronger relationship.

A ringing phone woke them at 7am. Darren answered it and passed it to Issey, "Dr. Chandravarti".

"Dr. Chandravarti, isn't it like, 4 AM in LA?"

"It is, but I'm in New York, listen, why don't you call me by my first name, Preeti."

"Alright, that's beautiful."

"Thank you. It was my Aunt's name, she died a month before I was born. Anyway, I'd like to meet with you and your doctors here later this morning and I wanted to check that your husband would be able to be there as well."

"Is there something wrong?"

"No, we just want to talk over some options with you both that we think would be beneficial."

"Oh," Issey brightened, "Let me check." She held her hand over the phone and looked at Darren, "She's in New York, she wants to meet with us this morning, how late can you stick around?"

"Doesn't matter, as late as they need."

"Don't you have a Vogue photo shoot today?"

"Later, and I can reschedule if I need to. I want to be here."

She decided not to push him to do his own thing, which was her first instinct.

Dr. B was conferenced in on speaker phone and at 10am they began.

Preeti took the lead. "The twins are doing okay, but your daughter is struggling to keep up with her brother. We think it may be partially because they're both cramped for space but also because your body is just not capable of providing the resources required for two babies."

"So what are you saying, you think she might not make it?"

"We think it would be beneficial to you and the babies if we take them next week."

"Next week?! No! That's way too soon!" Issey was instantly panicked.

"It will mean some time in the NICU for both babies, yes, but you know multiples rarely go full term."

"But 34 or 36 weeks is the usual right?"

"In the best conditions, yes, but we had discussed taking the babies as soon as possible."

"But this is too soon, can't we get to 32 weeks?"

"Next week you'll be at 29, some multiples come at 24, it's not as unusual as you may think."

"It's Christmas.

I don't want them born the week of Christmas, they'll get lost in the holiday rush. Give me until after New Years, can we do that?"

"Can I ask, is our daughter going to be in danger if we wait until after the New Year?" Darren asked.

The doctors exchanged looks, it was the question they had hoped to avoid. "No, not really. We feel it would benefit both Isabelle and the children to take them sooner rather than later."

"But it won't hurt to wait until 30 weeks."

"The babies will be fine." Dr. B's voice sliced through the room, "What no one wants to say is we are concerned more with your health Issey. The test results I've been getting are not going in a direction that makes me comfortable. I am worried that you are going to decline quickly over the next few weeks if we aren't able to get more aggressive."

"So, you want to take the babies and then start me on some heavy hitting drugs? Will I be able to care for them?"

There was radio silence.

"What are you all saying? I'm going to give birth and then not be with my kids?"

"You will have some time that will be difficult to interact with them, yes." Her New York oncologist told her with little emotion, "but you are about to get very ill and won't be able to care for them either way. Our way gives you a chance at living to see them at all."

Dr. B spoke quickly over him, "what my colleague is trying to say is that we want to give you what is best for your family long term. We can't force you of course but I'd like you to talk it over, call me or Preeti with any questions and let's revisit this tomorrow morning. Okay?"

"Yes, we'll talk it out, thank you, all, for your time." Darren took charge, feeling Issey's need for them all to go away.

When they were the only two left Issey paced like a bird stuck inside a house, banging into things, desperate for a way out.

"They can't, not yet, 32 weeks," she was having full conversations in her head but only the occasional word leaked out.

"Is? Can you come sit down and talk to me?"

"I'm losing it Darren, you can't let this happen. I need to not let them take them."

"The doctors seem to believe they'll be fine, I think we should concentrate on why they're so worried about you ."

She tried to settle and sit next to him but her eyes were wild with a look that frightened him. She looked like someone else entirely, like in horror movies when someone becomes possessed.

"Is, I think we need a therapist here for this."

"Fine, call in Dr. Phil, Dr. Drew, call in Dr. Fucking Seuss but they aren't stealing my kids."

Two hours later she was calmer. "I'm not done being pregnant. I'm not ready to let them go."

"You have to let them be born so you can hold them and get to know them."

"Okay but not yet."

"Are you worried about their being born too early?"

"No. Actually, I know we asked you here but can I just talk to my husband alone?"

"Of course."

"You know how selfish I am? I don't want to have the babies because I know as soon as that happens I have to deal with the cancer. Right now I have this suspended reality, I have them with me all of the time and I can't be a lab rat for all the scary crap they want to do with me. Once I have the babies all I am is sick."


	30. Chapter 30

On the point that they did not want the twins born the week of Christmas Darren and Issey agreed.

This is where the agreement ended. Issey was insistent they be born in LA because of the time they would spend in the NICU. She wanted to get out of New York as soon as possible. Darren thought it sounded dangerous but if the doctors okayed the travel he would see if he could get out of his remaining shows.

Issey would have none of it, wanting him to finish his run as planned. She argued he could come to LA for the birth and return to do the rest of the shows since both she and the twins would be in the hospital.

Darren told her this was another way she made him feel uninvolved.

It was a moot argument. Within two days her fever spiked and as predicted became weak and sick. Travel was no longer an option.

The doctors repeatedly asked them to reconsider allowing them to take the children before she became too weak to withstand the surgery.

She held them off but became so ill she couldn't get out of bed or hold down even liquids. She was in a haze when she was awake which was infrequent.

The doctors stopped involving her in conversations, speaking only to Darren. Issey was no longer capable of making decisions.

It had to be now, or he might lose all of them.

He could only nod in response, his throat too tight to form words.

He kissed her as they prepped her and cried, telling her to hold on, begging her to stay with him, reminding her how strong she was.

He would not be allowed in the delivery room.

His parents, her parents, her sister and his brother all came to the hospital and sat with him.

They tried to make small talk to take his mind off what he could not control. They encouraged each other with tales of Issey's resilience. They prayed, silently and alone, and together as a unit, holding hands and bowing heads.

Whenever someone walked by the room they waited in all heads lifted hopefully but for hours there was no word.

Darren spun his wedding ring on his finger and coached Issey in his mind. He told her how strong she was, how capable, he knew she would be the best mom two kids would ever have and some day years from now this would be just a story they told. He begged her to not leave him. He begged God to watch over her and his children. He reminded himself to breathe more often than a human should need to.

The clock on the wall ticked loudly, so when no one was speaking it was impossible not to look at it again and again and feel each agonizing minute drag on for an eternity.

"Mr. Criss?"

No one had bothered to look up this time, they had give up the pleading stares at each passing stranger an hour ago, as a group, without a conscious decision.

Darren stood, raking his fingers through his hair for a billionth time that night, "Yes."

It was a statement. He didn't make it a question because he wasn't sure he could live with the answer.

The doctor wore clean scrubs and an exhausted expression. His pallid face was not one from which you might expect good news.

"Please, have a seat. This is your family?"

Darren nodded and sat on the edge of his chair. The doctor sat beside him, nodding himself at the assembled group who were now leaning into him, holding hands, or arms around each other.

Their bodies circled into each other's forming a barrier against the news.

There would have been no need to sit if the news had been good. Each knew this and fought against it in their minds.

"I'm doctor Dean. I've been with the team in the delivery room. Dr. Chandravarti will be out soon, she's with the twins now."

"How are they? How is my wife?" He had less than no patience for pleasantries, how could this man not understand.

Darren looked surreptitiously at the mans left hand for a wedding band and found none. It didn't surprise him, someone with a significant other, he was careful not to assume even his mind that it would be a wife, would have given him the important news right away.

These thoughts zipped through his mind in the time it took for the doctor to settle in his seat.

"Dr. Chandravarti will have more information about the twins, as I said, she's still with them. I worked primarily on your wife. Isabel had some difficulties with the surgery. She was unable to breathe properly under anesthesia so we made the decision to move forward with only local anesthetic. This is fairly common for c-sections but with the extenuating circumstances we had hoped to keep her more comfortable throughout.

Unfortunately she aspirated bronchially and quickly lost consciousness. We aren't clear yet as to whether it is Mendelson's syndrome or aspiration pneumonia, we have to run more tests."

Darren shook his head trying to make sense of the words but failing. "Can I get that in English?"

"Essentially your wife did not react well to the anesthesia, threw up as we were taking her off of it and the stomach contents got into her lungs causing her to go into respiratory failure."

"So where is she now? Can I see her?"

"She is intubated to assist her breathing, they are testing the aspirated material for bacteria to determine how to proceed."

"But she's going to be okay?"

"We're doing all we can."

Dr. Chandravarti had come into the room in the last few minutes. She touched Dr. Dean on the shoulder and nodded, he stood to leave. Darren could only think that this room turned everyone into a living bobble head.

"Preeti, thank God, what's going on?"

"The twins are beautiful, I'm going to bring you to see them in a minute, they're just getting them settled. Your son was born first, he was a little over 3 pounds, we can talk specifics later, he appears to be breathing well on his own, we if course will be watching him closely and keeping him incubated. Your daughter is small, but at 2.4 pounds she is well within a weight we look for. She is on a vent right now, we'll keep an eye on her and it's possible she'll be off it very soon.

Both babies will have tubes to their umbilical cords when you see them. This is for feeding. They both have specific dietary needs that require feeding frequently and this will make it easier for both the kids and the nurses."

"Can I hold them?"

"Briefly, yes."

"Do you know anything about what they were saying happened with Issey? Were you in there when it happened?"

"I was, it isn't that uncommon. She'll probably only need breathing assistance for a few hours, a day or two at the most. There are two things that can happen when someone aspirates into their lungs, if there is bacteria in the stomach they have an increased chance of contracting pneumonia. I think in Issey's case the fact that she's been throwing up the past few days means she probably had too much acid in her stomach for bacteria to survive."

"So then she'll be okay? This isn't something you die from?" Her mother asked.

Preeti sighed, "It can be fatal, but normally within a few hours. She's getting the best care possible. There could be complications but we'll know more as time passes."

"But she's still unconscious? Is that bad?"

"It isn't optimal, you'll be able to see her in an hour or two depending on how she's responding. Would you like to see the twins now?"

"Please." He stood. "Will the rest of the family be allowed to visit them?"

"They can see them from the hall but only the parents are allowed room."

Together the went to the room that held 25 incubators or open cribs with infants. Darren's mother squeezed him tightly before he walked in.

It was tough to maneuver among the rows of cribs, wires ran everywhere and nurses moved fast amount the newborns. Darren felt self conscious and in the way.

He looked in each crib as it came up, wondering if this was his baby. He felt like he should know, like when he saw his two there would be a recognition, he'd just know.

He didn't, They were darker than he thought they'd be, their tiny faces scrunched like apples left to dry in the sun. They weren't at all what he had pictured, he realized his image had been of a baby days, not hours old.

He blinked hard trying to stave off tears but it was useless. He stared at them both, so tiny and innocent, with wires and tubes everywhere and felt like he'd already failed them as a father. It didn't make sense but it didn't have to. He felt responsible for them and their lives but helpless to so anything but stare at them, their features distorted by his tears.

"Daddy, congratulations, your twins are beautiful." One of the nurses bustled up behind him. Surprise registered in his face and he tried to find a place to move where he wouldn't be in her way.

"No worries sweetie, we work around you, you just concern yourself with loving these two little angels."

"I...I do." And as he spoke it the emotion flooded through him. He hadn't known how much love he was capable of until this second and it hit him like a tidal wave, nearly knocking him off of his feet.

"We've been waiting for you to fill in their names on the birth certificates. Who do we have here?" She said this as she lifted his daughter slightly to arrange the blanket beneath her. The pink tag on her enclosed incubator read "Baby Girl Criss. Born 12/24/2012 3:12 AM 1088.6 Grams"

"We, my wife and I, we wanted to tell them their names together." He flashed back to the night they'd decided on the babies names. They had been sitting on the beach, throwing a stick into the waves for Walker and laughing when he would return, drop the stick and shake the water from his fur, soaking them both.

Darren lay back in the sand on his elbows and looked at the stars, "I know we were kidding but every time I think of her I think of her as Bellatrix. We could call her Ella after Ella Fitzgerald like we said, but make her full name Bellatrix."

Issey had laughed at first, then made him show her Bellatrix the star by outlining Orion. "Bellatrix Criss," she tried it on her tongue and wrinkled her nose, "needs a middle name."

"Petunia"

"Maybe something not from Harry Potter."

They kicked middle names around and hated them all.

"Forget it, middle name, just Bellatrix Criss." She finally declared.

"Sirius Criss?" She giggled as Walker, tired of playing lay between them, wet and stinking.

"You mentioned Marshall, I've been thinking about it and I like it a lot. Ella and Marsh. You like?"

So it was decided and they made a plan to not ever say the names out loud again until they could whisper them together to their children on their birthday. Their babies would know their own names before anyone else, and they would hear them in their parents voices.

Preeti touched his arm. "She probably won't be ready to see them for awhile. I know it isn't the way you planned but they deserve names."

"Bellatrix, her name is Bellatrix, like the star named for the female warrior."

"She's already a fighter, it's a good name for her."

He turned to his son. "This is Marshall." He said simply, as he marveled at the way Marshall would turn his head in his sisters direction every time she made any type of noise.

When he looked back Preeti had Ella in her arms. "Come closer, you can only hold her for a minute, she needs the heat and steam of the incubator."

He was terrified and angry that he wasn't sharing this incredible moment with Issey. It was as if he could only feel it half way because part of his heart was in another room, struggling to live.

Stepping closer he held out his hands and felt the weight, small but solid in his hands. She was warm and he had to be careful not to dislodge the tube feeding her, the tube breathing for her, the pads monitoring her heartbeat or the thermometer strip attached to her skin.

"I'll give you a minute alone with her."

They gave him space and he whispered to her. "Hi Ella, this is Daddy. I'm so glad you're here. Mommy and I love you so much. She'll be here soon, I know you probably miss her. She'd give anything to be here. I miss her too, but my girls are so strong, you'll be running over us boys in no time."

She didn't cry, he wasn't sure she could with the tube in her throat. Instead she seemed to look up at him, her eyes not quiet landing on his but as he spoke she closed them and in seconds she was asleep.

Preeti put her back in her cozy nest. "She knows you, your voice. It put her at ease right away."

Darren said nothing, instead holding his hands out to receive his son. This time the bundle was heavier, not heavy, but more substantial. "Listen Marsh, Mommy and I love you to the moon and back. You don't know the moon but it's far, trust me. Mommy will be here soon to snuggle you and tell you how handsome you are but right now it's up to is guys to be strong for the girls. Mom's having a little struggle and Ella, that's your sisters name, she's smaller than you and needs you to keep an eye on her okay? Can you do that for me little man?"

Marshall pushed his lips out and puffed his cheeks. His hand found Darren's finger despite the swaddling and he held on. "It's you and me Dad, we've got to take care of our girls.' Darren imagined him saying.

He noticed the family outside the window for the first time and waved, smiling a sad half smile. This was the loneliest moment of his life despite having two more people to love in it.

When he left the children the family was taken to the ICU waiting room. Another doctor came out to greet them.

"I'm Dr. Cuebas. I'm a pulmonary specialist. Your wife isn't upstairs yet, she's still in recovery."

"Is she awake?"

"She's in and out. We tested for bacteria in the aspirate and found no bacteria however the pH level was highly acidic when we get her off the vent we'll check her esophagus for burns. Her lungs don't seem to have increased markedly in size which is an excellent sign but obviously we will watch her closely for the next 24 to 48 hours which will be critical.

When she's back up here you will be able to visit her in pairs."

He thanked the doctor and they waited again, this time the family talking about how cute the kids were and saying their names over and over in an attempt to seal them into the family lexicon.


	31. Chapter 31

It was 7 AM when Darren was finally allowed into Issey's room. They had removed her breathing tube and she was awake but groggy.

Talking was difficult and Darren had been warned to not let her speak much.

"Hey love." He kissed her cheek. "Try not to talk just nod. Do you know what hospital you're in?"

Issey indicated that she didn't.

"They brought us to the Komensky Center at New York Presbyterian when they decided to deliver because Memorial isn't really set up for newborns. They have one of the best NICUs in the country here.

She nodded and closed her eyes then looked at him pleadingly.

"I saw them, I held them, they're beautiful. Both over 2 pounds so that's really good news, Marsh is over 3 pounds! I had to tell then their names, I'm so sorry I couldn't wait for you."

Issey waved his concern away and tried to smile through dry, cracked lips.

"You gave me a scare but they said they think you're going to be fine. They wouldn't let me in while they were born, was it terrible, the parts you remember?"

"Scary" she whispered.

"I'm so sorry Is, I know this isn't how we planned any of it, and it's Christmas Eve, but I had to let them do it."

She reached for his hand and thumbed over his knuckles, nodding, it was okay, it had to be done.

They're going to let you see them tomorrow maybe, but I took pictures on my phone."

She reached out making grabby fingers, a new light in her eyes.

"Before you look I want you to know, they have lots of tubes and wires but it's all been explained to me, it's all really normal for preemie twins, don't be scared okay?"

She nodded again and he handed her the phone.

She cried, silently, looking at one and then the other then back.

Darren pointed to each tube and wire, explaining each as they had been explained to him. Issey knew most of it, she had spent a lot of time researching preemie twins and what problems could occur.

When he finished she sent the pictures to her own phone then opened the notes on his starting a new page.

they don't feel real

Darren read over her shoulder. "They will when you hold them."

I expected to feel connected to them but they could be anyone's

"Wait until you're with them, it took me a minute too but then it just, happened. You'll see."

what if

"I promise. They're magic, just like their mother." He kissed her head.

I want 2 c them now!

"I know love, but you can't get up yet ."

wheelchair

"It wouldn't fit in the room"

hallway, is there a window?

"Yeah. I'll ask okay? But right now your mom and dad wanna see you okay?"

yes

please tell the doc I HAVE to see the twins

"I will. We can only be here 2 at a time so I'll go ask while you visit."

ilu

"I love you too."

Her mom cried, her dad told her how cute the twins were but teared up when he hugged her. She seemed frail, it had been hard to notice before with the bulk of her pregnancy, most of which remained, but somehow, now, the slightness of her wrists and grey of her skin seemed more prominent.

They told her how Darren seemed completely at sea without her for even those few hours, and about how obvious it was that his family loved her.

It was nice, but all she could really think about was whether Darren would be able to make an impassioned enough plea on her behalf.

Her parents let her know they were stepping out so Darren's parents could say hello.

Darren's parents both told her how beautiful the twins were, how happy they were to be grandparents, how they were praying for her and knew she would be home with her kids soon.

Darren and the head nurse came in so his parents said their goodbyes with a promise to return later.

She let them kiss her while she worried about the absence of a wheelchair.

"I want to see them." She whispered before the nurse could speak.

"I know, and you will." The nurse was a strong willed woman, used to dealing with the demands both rational and not, of the very ill.

"Now."

"You need to let your body get a little more rest first. It's too soon for you to be up and around."

"Just a second, just for a second."

"You need to stop talking, you're doing yourself harm."

Issey motioned for paper which the nurse brought to her with a pencil.

"I can't rest until I see them. Please?!"

The nurse read it and thought for a minute. "It's going to have to be very fast."

Issey nodded like a crazy person.

She went and got the wheelchair and reminded Issey to get up very slowly. When she was settled in the chair, a surprisingly painful and exhausting maneuver the nurse took all of the IV bags from the hanger on her bed and transferred them to the wheelchair.

"You have to wait until we get someone to bring you upstairs, he should be here soon."

The nurse left the room and Darren and Issey held hands in silence while they waited.

Issey wanted to be excited but she was exhausted and overwhelmed, the terror of feeling nothing when she saw them clutching her insides like a fist.

When they arrived in the hall Issey had to stretch uncomfortably to see through the window while Darren went in and explained the situation to one of the nurses.

She said something with an animation of flurried hand movements and Darren returned to the hall.

Issey just knew he was going to give her bad news.

"She says you can come in, they'll make a path."

In they went and she was parked between the two incubator units holding her children, their children. The incubators were high and difficult to see into from a seated position so she began to stand which everyone reacted to in a panic.

Another nurse, the one in charge, or so it seemed came over. "Is this your first time seeing your little ones?"

Issey nodded and Darren explained their situation.

"Do you feel well enough to hold them?"

Issey's eyes lit up and she indicated that she did.

The nurse removed Marshall carefully and placed him in her arms.

Issey's tears flooded not only her face but the baby's as well. She touched his face and held his fingers in her own, letting all of the fear wash away in the wake of pure, unconditional love.

Marsh fussed just a little and she instinctively pulled him closer, laying his head near her heart. He settled and closed his eyes as if he knew this to be the safest place in the world.

They stayed like that, with Darren kissing Issey's head, then Marshall's, talking soft nonsense about love and hope and the future.

The nurse took Marsh back, explaining that he needed to stay inside his incubator and couldn't come out for long. She settled Marsh in and reached for Ella.

Ella cried loud and indignant at being bustled about which made both of her parents smile. She balled her fists and her face was red with anger as she landed in Issey's arms and Issey could only laugh, "You're Mommy's girl alright." She managed.

Ella was not as easily quieted as her brother but Issey moved the blanket a touch and stroked the bottoms of her feet which did the trick. She looked up at Issey with large round eyes and seemed to acknowledge that this was where she, too, belonged.

She had less time with Ella, who was smaller and only able to hold her body temperature a very short time.

Back in her room she wrote on the pad of paper. "You were right, Thank God, they're magic, just like their Daddy."

They kissed very gently because of her poor mouth and Darren told her she needed to rest. She wrote for him to go back to the apartment and sleep. To do his show that night and then visit her after.

Disagreeing with her was fruitless so he kissed her cheek again, told her he loved her, twice and left the hospital feeling like he had nowhere to be but there.

Issey went to sleep shortly after he left.

When he returned, ignoring her directive to do the show, he came with flowers for her and tiny teddy bears for each of his children. He noticed other, older babies, had them tucked next to their incubators something the babies, no doubt were unaware of. It made him, and probably the other parents as well, feel as though they had some sense of normalcy. This is what you did, you gave your little ones small cuddly toys. Parents. The word settled on him for the first time. I'm a parent.

Issey had had visitors it was clear. His brother had called to congratulate him and evidence that he, and probably Lucy too had been there greeted him at the door in the form or two gigantic walking balloons saying Welcome Niece and Welcome Nephew. The niece balloon was a pink cat with bows in her fur. The nephew a monkey in a diaper and blue baseball cap.

The room was so filled with flowers it smelled vaguely like a funeral parlor. He tiptoed around reading the cards so as not to wake the still sleeping Issey.

The pink peonies and blue hydrangea in an arrangement that could only be described as massive was of course from Chris and Will. A delicate double orchid in an expensive pot with river stones was from Ryan. Her sister and brother in law had sent two arrangements, one an all blue arrangement in a blue ceramic elephant with a balloon that said Baby Boy on it and a soft pink arrangement in a pink polka dotted giraffe with a balloon saying Baby Girl. There were more, some names he recognized, some he didn't.

A new nurse came in and saw him taking it all in. "This is nothing, we had to stop bringing them in. There's a refrigerator full of them downstairs and they keep coming."

Darren smiled before he noticed the mild annoyance in her face. "How is she?"

"She's struggling. They're probably going to try to move her back to Memorial tomorrow."

"Is it wise to move her already?"

"Not if you ask me, which no one does."

Darren gave up on conversation and let her work. She checked some machines, looked at her IV bag, gave it a squeeze and left the room.

He bent to kiss her cheek and pulled back quickly. She was on fire. The nurse had to have known and he didn't feel comfortable enough to go tell her so he picked up his wife's phone. 36 missed calls. 23 new voice mail. Her text messages had an 18 above it.

"She's so hot." Sophie said, walking in with a coffee.

"I know. I don't think she's doing very well."

"Good luck getting anything out of nurse sourpuss."

"She's a bitch right? It isn't just me?"

"No, she's a bitch. Maybe if I had this job I'd be a bitch too."

Darren couldn't say he disagreed. "I'm scared, Soph. I'm so glad she came to the show but I think it was too much. I shouldn't have let her. I shouldn't have brought us out here where it's freezing, on a fucking plane that's basically a flying incubator of germs. I should have put my foot down and kept us where she was better off."

"You know she'd never let you get away with this self blame shit right? Issey doesn't do anything she doesn't want to do. The doctors okay'd all of it."

"Not the part where we snuck home and she didn't come right back to the hospital."

"Based on the conversation I had with her before that happened I'd say that was one of the few things that had made her truly happy in awhile."

Dr. Burchsted came into the room surprising Darren. "What are you doing in New York?" He said as he stood to greet her.

"I heard there was a great show on Broadway that I had to see." She gave him a smile then turned to Sophie to introduce herself.

She checked Issey's chart and looked at all of her monitors while speaking. "I hear the babies are both doing well. Issey really gave it all she's got to get them into this world healthy."

"I just hope she has something left to get herself healthy too. I can't do this without her. She's so fevered." Darren felt much more comfortable expressing his fears with Dr. B.

"She's had a tough go, you know I'm not one to sugar coat things so I'll be honest, she's critical right now. I'm not happy with her condition and I have concerns that the cancer is getting the opportunity to spread.

We need to get her radiation treatment as soon as possible but she isn't well enough to begin."

"They want to take her back to Memorial tomorrow." Sophie interjected before Darren got the chance.

"I heard, I don't think it's wise to move her until she's more stable. That's why I'm here. I can manage her care better if I'm in the room to fight for her. "

"You have no idea what that means to us, we're both so grateful." Darren shifted his chair closer to her bedside.

"You may have to take care of those kids without her, maybe for awhile, maybe forever. She's going to have to be tough and so are you. This is not the time to fall apart. I'm going to do everything I can, but you need to understand that this is only the end of one road, there are more challenges ahead."

The End

Epilogue

"This one!" Her tiny face was streaked with tears.

"Tonks, it isn't appropriate to wear a tutu today. Please help Daddy, right now, I'm very tired." Darren pled with his daughter.

3 years old and with a definitive mind of all her own Ella, nicknamed Tonks for her ability to change both facial expression and disposition in the blink of an eye, stomped her feet. "I don't wanna go!"

He pulled her into his lap, "I know baby, but we've talked about this day for a long time and you promised Mommy that when it happened you would be a good girl and help Daddy, remember?"

"No!"

Joey showed up in the doorway smiling a little. "Go get Marsh dressed, I'll help Ella."

Darren thanked him and went to his son's room.

"Tonks, buddy today is a tough one for old Dad, he had a long night, let's cut him some slack okay?"

Tonks pretended to ignore him and tried to work her way into the bright purple, crinoline tutu.

"I'll make you a deal. If you wear this super cool outfit Mommy bought special for you just for today I'll put the tutu in your carry on and ask Aunt Sophie to let you wear it while you're on the plane back to her house okay?"

"Ok." She gave it to Joe and watched while he very seriously and ceremoniously added it to her carry on.

While he dressed her in the outfit Issey had bought months ago in anticipation of this day, wanting to have everything ready so Darren would have only the bare minimum if things to do, he tried talking to Tonks about what was going on.

"Dad's going to take you to see Mommy and say goodbye to her before you go to Aunt Sophie's for awhile."

"I don't want to go."

"It will be fun, you love playing with your cousins."

"I wanna stay with Mommy."

"I know, but Aunt Sophie really wants you to come help her bake cakes."

Darren came in with Marsh in tow. He was the spitting image of his father with a messy mop of unruly dark curls and eyes the color of good whiskey. He tapped the toes of his new shoes, liking the slapping noise they made in the floor.

"Joe, I don't know how you did it but thank you."

"I'm the Tonk's whisperer." He hauled her up onto his hip and shouldered her bag. "You ready?"

"As I'll ever be."

Darren's head pounded with the lack of sleep. The night before had been long, Issey had again, given her all and he wished, not for the first time, that he could have traded places with her to relieve her from the trauma. Bringing the kids to the hospital to say goodbye had been her idea, he thought it was asking a little much of them but it was what she wanted so he allowed it.

Sophie waited in the hallway. When they arrived Marshall ran to her and hugged her but Ella stayed aloof.

Sophie and Darren shared a look over the kids heads and he pulled the two of them close to him.

"Remember everything we talked about. No crying, no climbing all over Mommy, just a quick hug goodbye okay?"

The kids both nodded by the moment he opened the door to Issey's room they each launched themselves onto the bed.

"Mommy!"

Issey laughed and hugged them both. While Darren looked completely done in by the night before Issey looked refreshed and radiant.

"Guys we talked about this you can't..."

"Oh Daddy, let them be, they're fine. Don't you both look so nice in your new outfits. Were you good for Daddy this morning?"

"Where's Alex?" Tonks wanted to know.

Darren went to the small carrier and picked out their hours old baby sister. "Here she is. Remember , gentle and quiet okay?"

The twins marveled at this new thing, slightly bigger than the pups Walker had fathered but not nearly as cute in their eyes.

"Isn't she cute?" Issey asked them.

Marsh agreed but Ella just continued to stare at this new stranger. It was Alex's fault she had to go away and she wasn't ready to forgive.

They took pictures in every conceivable combination. Alex slept through most of the commotion but opened her eyes wide when placed in her brothers arms for the first time. It wasn't possible but everyone agreed she seemed to give him her first smile.

Author's note: I would like to thank everyone who journeyed Issey's Road with me. You have all encouraged me when the muse was weak and for that I am eternally grateful.

I have spent so much time with her she has become a part of me, one I am loathe to let go. Because of this I will begin a new story soon. Watch for, Growing Up On The Road: A Love Story of Musical Gypsies - a Memoir by Bellatrix "Tonks" Criss.


End file.
